If the patriarchy is good for men, then feminism, which opposes and seeks to dismantle the patriarchy, must be bad for men, and men become feminist’s enemies, the pawns and bishop and knights of the patriarchy, if you will. We need to recruit allies, not create enemies which the “us v. them” rhetoric does quite well.
And patriarchy really isn’t good for men, except in comparison to how truly horrible it is for women.
What the patriarchy does is create a hierarchy with (straight white rich thin ablebodied nuerotypical cisgendered) men at top, and (queer black poor fat disabled neurodivergent trans) women at bottom. It piles every privilege on men; values their work and their bodies as the standard; instills in them surety of their superiority; tells them they are closest to God (made in His image!); and gives them free reign to express their anger and hatred with any violence they please to use, at least as long as it’s against a woman.
Sound great? Compared to getting pissed on and shat on and beat on and hated on and enslaved and raped and killed at the bottom of the patriarchal ladder, of course it does. Of course it is. It’s a hundred thousand million times better and easier to live at the top as a straight white rich thin ablebodied nuerotypical cisgendered man than at the bottom as a queer poor fat disabled neurodivergent trans woman of color, and any man who tries to play the “you think you’ve got it hard??” game with a woman deserves, well, any violent expression of anger and hatred she pleases to use.
But simply rearranging that fucked up hierarchy, moving around the pieces so different types get piled on and get to sit on top, isn’t what feminism is about. Feminism (and anti-racism and neurodiversity and other power-protesting movements) is about dismantling the whole unholy ladder entirely. It’s about saying that the circumstances of your birth — your gender, your race, your sexuality, your able-ity — don’t give you more value than anyone else. Men don’t deserve bowing and scraping and every blessing of capitalism; no one does. Power corrupts, and privilege is ugly, and having power and privilege above others is bad for the soul of anyone.
The thing about the patriarchy is that while it gives men more freedom than anyone else by a factor of a thousand, it is not a perfect freedom. Men are allowed to show anger, but not fear or gentleness or vulnerability. Their work is valued, unless they want to do what is considered feminine. Their bodies are valued, as long as their bodies are manly enough. They are like God, but lose the chance to know Goddess as an equal. They are placed above all, and their humanity and humility corroded thereby.
What feminism offers men is a removal of those restrictions. No longer will men be pampered by the service of women, but rather they will be presented with strong, proud partners they can work with. Men won’t be privileged above all others, but all the others will rise up and will join together to the benefit of all. Only the brainwashing of the patriarchy tells us that superiority is better than equality.
In the patriarchy, it is women who get the short end of the stick, to be sure, but I look at my Boychick, as beautiful and vulnerable and perfect as all babies are but “privileged” to be at the top of a stinking ugly inhumane heap of humanity, and I just want to get rid of the damned stick altogether. From here on out, the patriarchy is only going to hurt him, damage him, make him uglier, even as it makes him hurt those below him a million times more. How can that be “good” for him?
