This is the first, and most important, rule of commenting here: I have the right to decline to publish, or to remove, anything and everything, according to my preferences, opinions, beliefs, whims, mood, the direction of the wind, the price of tea in Tesco, and anything else I feel like. OK? It’s not censorship: it’s called this is my blog. If I don’t feel comfortable here, I’m not going to post here, and then there would be no blog. So I moderate the comments according to my comfort. Got that? Good.
The rest of this is guidelines, because I have no desire to be capricious, or to place a buried line and then play “Gotcha!” with anyone. So while I reserve the right to yank anything I like, and I don’t owe anyone any explanations, here are some things I’m likely to allow through, and things I likely won’t:
- Enact or defend any of the following: transphobia/transmisogyny/cissexism, misogyny/sexism, racism, homophobia/biphobia/heterosexism, fatphobia/sizeism, ableism, ageism, classism, or any other form bigotry against any oppressed group, including also but not limited to: children, mothers, and religious/non-religious minorities. And Maude, I really wish I didn’t have to say that. But there it is. The following are mostly a few specific examples of this one big no-no.
- Call anyone a bad mom. I’m not saying everyone’s equally wonderful la la kumbaya, I’m just saying that I have no desire to play the good mom/bad mom game here. Let’s talk about actions, and the effects actions have. Let’s not make blanket judgments of an entire person: that’s the kyriarchy‘s gig, and I want no part of it.
- Call me names, or condescend. If you don’t understand why it is not acceptable to do that to a woman — ever, much less in her own space — go read some 101. Then go read some more.
- And while I’m sending you off to read things, don’t do any of these. Really. Just don’t.
- Post to disagree with or to argue from a stance of disagreement with the underlying precepts of this blog. If you think social justice, feminism (defined as the radical notion that women — ALL women — are people), or anti-kyriarchy/anti-oppression work are bunk, and you post here anyway, you are a troll. Go away.
- Feed the trolls. To quote myself from years ago, what feeds the trolls? Calling people trolls. If you don’t think someone is engaging in good faith, don’t engage with them. (Do feel free to email me if you have a problem with something someone said; odds are, you’re not the only one.)
- Link spam. I don’t get that much traffic, honest: if you’re posting only to get views, not give an opinion, don’t.
- Call me out on my shit. I will mess up, through my own ignorance and unexamined privilege and prejudice, and so I respectfully and humbly request y’all’s assistance, and promise that when such slip ins/slip ups are pointed out to me, I will thank you, apologize, fix it, and move on.
- Post sincere questions. I’m not promising I’ll answer them, mind, but an honest question (as opposed to a devil’s advocacy) is almost never wrong.
- Post to challenge me if you really think I’m wrong about something: be prepared to explain your opinion in a social justice/feminist/anti-kyriarchal framework.
- Share posts you think are relevant, even if they’re your own. How is this different from link spam? It just is. Call it intent, call it tone, whatever. It’s like porn: I know it when I see it.
- Comment. Because the truth is? I do this blog because I love it, and I am egotistical enough that part of what I love are the comments. I love when y’all like what I write, yes, and comment to tell me so, but I love it when you share your stories, or your thinky thoughts, or get inspired, or debate with me, or refine my thoughts, or let me know that something’s resonated with you, even if that’s all you care to share. Because you? You are why I do this. Thank you.