I have sitting next to me a certificate of completion and congratulation from massage school (the proper my-name-on-it diploma-thing will come after transcripts are finalized) and a copy of Bitch Magazine Spring 2011, in which I am quoted1. I’ve been petting each alternately, not entirely sure which thrills me more –
One of my physical therapists2 asked me yesterday whether, if my massage practice took off tomorrow and I was as booked as I wanted to be, I would still write. Though I understood his point — for some people desk work is what they do until their body work practice can sustain them — to me it was like asking “If you had all the water you could drink, would you still want to breathe?”
– but we’ll focus on the first here.
This is the first course of study (really, the first anything) I’ve completed since graduating high school — which was only just, thanks to migraines and undiagnosed mood instability. This accomplishment was not barely, but solidly, definitely, unquestionably. Though there were many times I wondered whether I’d make it — particularly in the months after Backpocalypse 2010 — and I took a couple breaks as needed, I never really faltered as I have so many times before. I never failed a course for lack of completion of coursework. I never let an absence prevent my return. I never let my at-times-overwhelming fear of failure, or my equally hindering fear of success, stop me from simply taking the next step.
And that? Feels really damn good.