A picture says a thousand words (or two, repeated 500 times)

So some freelance writer working for Marie Claire (a mainstream fashion/women’s magazine? I guess?) wrote a douchey article that covers at least half of a fatphobic bingo card all by itself. I won’t link, not wanting to further up their page-views, but it can basically be summed up as “ew, fatties!” If you’ve the spoons and/or Sanity Watchers points, you can read some of the specifics over at Dangerously Luxe’s awesome smack-down, because while I could expend a thousand words going in to everything wrong with the original article, I simply can’t be bothered today.

Because today, the Boychick and I went shopping, since I’m down to one no comfy, attractive (unstained and untorn) warm shirts or sweaters, and that’s just not good now that we’re solidly in the Northern autumn, not even here in semi-temperate Oregon.

I, alas, could not find any sweaters. But I did happen to spot a dress. And I shrugged, and tried it on.

It fit.

Red Dress

Photographer, no. Hot, yes.

When I walked out of the dressing room, the Boychick said “Ooo, I love that dress! Mom, you should buy that dress.” Well, how could I not?

Today I dedicate the purchase of this red-hot dress to Marie Claire, Maura Kelly, and everyone who thinks fat chicks are disgusting, unattractive, unfuckable. This, unfuckable? Try fucking hot.

A friend protested this dedication, saying they didn’t deserve my hotness. And while that’s surely true, I firmly believe that the best revenge is a life well-lived.

Preferably in a red-hot fuck-me dress.

(There is a part of me that does not want to post this picture. There is a part of me yelling about how fat I am, how flabby my arms, how double my chin, how sagging my comfy-tank encased breasts. I am afraid of the insults of trolls, and afraid of the whispers from tsking readers. But there is nothing a troll could say that the troll inside me has not said to myself. There is nothing a well-meaning loved one could shake hir head over that I have not spotted myself. But as I’ve learned before, the best antidote to this urge to hide is to show myself. And frankly, if my flesh bothers someone, including that horrid little voice inside me, I have two rude words to say — five hundred times.)

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49 Responses to A picture says a thousand words (or two, repeated 500 times)

  1. The dress is gorgeous and the woman wearing it is indeed damn hot :-)

  2. I wish I could articulate myself like you do. I have lived these things and felt these things and heard myself thinking these things about myself too. Please keep fighting and speaking up for those of us who don’t, who can’t- who haven’t learnt how to yet

  3. Maura Kelly’s post was bad enough. And then you read articles with titles such as “U.K. Mom Welcomes Eating Disorder over Weight Problem” and it just makes you want to cry…

    http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/u-k-mother-welcomes-eating-disorder-over-weight-problem-2401666/;_ylt=ApQsfxQDn64f3CgMrtAF3mZ8bqU5

    • Gretchen — That is horrific, but I’m also disturbed by the mother-blaming in that article. (Not that what the mom is doing isn’t very, very wrong, but that there’s no recognition of the forces she is under that have brought her to this point where this seems like an acceptable, much less good, idea.)

  4. That dress and the person wearing it = Hotty McHot-Hot. Fab purchase.

  5. Awesome dress!

    (…where’s it from? I kind of want one.)

  6. Wow, that is one seriously sexy dress and it really suits you. I wish I could wear dresses!

  7. A well dressed woman, is a well dressed woman. Regardless of size, shape, colour, etc. I’ll take a fluffy woman in a red-hot fuck me dress over a thin, fit woman in schlumpy trackpants ANYDAY!!!

    • Jennie — well, since I’m a fat woman in schlumpy jeans and well-worn Birkenstocks most days (as in, 364/365), I’m not sure how to take that. ;)

      More seriously, “Life is not a beauty pageant. We do not exist to be aesthetically pleasing to the judgemental eyes of strangers.” As much as I love all these compliments (and oh do I!), I also love that it is my choice to dress up — or not. And if not, I am no less worthy or worthwhile a person. And I am no less sex-y, no less deserving of sexual pleasure, no less worthy of being smiled at and treated politely, no less desired by my lover, and no less deserving to feel good in my body and in my self.

      And you likely weren’t meaning to imply any of those things, but it’s the message we send, or at least risk sending, when making those sorts of comparisons.

  8. Awesomely hot!
    As a young woman and mother who has struggled with body image, I just want you to know that you are an inspiration. Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts and feelings about yourself, it makes many of us feel less alone.

    • Lu — Thank you. That’s really my goal in almost everything I post. What matter my fears if getting over them not only gets me amazing feedback like this, but help another hurt or fear less?

      • Your fears still matter! But it would seem that you are in a good place within yourself, to be able to write this in spite of them.
        Thank you xx

  9. I’m feeling like a bad, bad feminist for objectifying the stunning blogger in the red dress :)

  10. The colour is awesome, the fit is great, and I love the way it drapes. I’m so glad you bought it! Hope it works for you ;)

    (Oh, and the Marie Claire article, which I read yesterday? I just don’t get it. The author has some serious problems and I hope she realizes it.)

  11. That is a lovely dress, and you look GREAT in it!

  12. Oh, fabulous! I love that dress and you are definitely hot! I’m with you on the two words five hundred times. That Marie Claire article just makes me sputter rude words.

  13. Fabulous dress! :)

  14. Hot damn! :D

  15. 2 words 500 times. that is awesome. and i love red! wear it!

  16. SEE!!! told ya ya…hotness!! and the shoes? perfect!

  17. Where did you get that dress? And how tall are you? I love the length of it but I’m short so knee-length dresses come to a really frumpy lower-calf length on me, but that dress looks super super great. I looooove the drape of the back neckline.

    • brigidkeely — I got it at Magical Creations Boutique here in Portland, but the brand is Monsherry. I’m 5’10″, so it would probably be below-knee on you, alas. (Whereas I, who also hates mid-calf and only sometimes is willing to dare above-knee, cannot find a maxi dress for the life of me. Le sigh.)

      And interestingly, the dress is reversible, with a drape on one side and a v-neck and gathers on the other. In the store, I preferred the drape in back (as you can see), but once I got it home and got it on over my boned bustier/corset/thing, I found I liked the drape in front better. Go figure!

  18. I’ve been reading your blog for a short time, and I find I always enjoy it even if I don’t always agree with everything in it (MOST of it, but not all!). Your “way with words” is fantastic and a talent I wish I had, and I have though of telling you this many times…. But this post became the deciding factor… Your talent for writing is great, your obvious intelligence is inspiring, and your confidence is something I wish I could emulate… keep on doing it… and better yet, do it in that hot red dress!!! You look great… You go girl!

  19. HELL YES!!! Unfuckable my ASS, you’re HOT!! You GO!!

  20. You look quite fabulous! That is one hell of a fuckable dress. ^^d

    (And definitely, yes: Fuck the Marie Claire writer.)

  21. I am steering well clear of the Marie Claire article. I stopped reading fashion magazines over a decade ago in extreme frustration. I’m not about to start again now.

    And I love the dress!

  22. It’s a great dress and you look lovely in it. I really like the cowl neck at the back.

    And like @Allison, feeling a little unfeminist for thinking so, but yeah.

    Have you worked out an occasion for it yet?

    • rivqa — Halloween! There is A Plan (though I’ve yet to decide A Party at which to enact said Plan). If things go well, there will also be Pictures, and A Post. But I’m not making any Promises.

      (And in case you couldn’t tell, I’m about to Pass Out. Thus the alliteration capitalization.)

  23. WOOOOOOP!

    HOT! HOT! HOT!

  24. Lookin’ good Mama! I think that dress is crazy flattering on u. Sure, u’re overweight. So want? You’re rocking that look & I think you look very attractive! I hope u find somewhere special to go in that dress. A red-hot date maybe?

    • Wolf_Mommy — thanks for the kind words, and I promise I’ll find more than one opportunity to wear the dress!

      However, I ask that you not use “overweight” to describe me. I am fat, large, corpulent, curvy — even, at 300lb and 5’10″, (morbidly) obese by (highly flawed) definition — but “overweight” says that there is a weight I am supposed to be at that is less than what I am now, and I reject that. I am, as always, exactly the right weight for me for this moment. Though some people find “overweight” less antagonistic a descriptor than “fat”, and I do not wish to override their personal experience, to me “overweight” carries judgment that I dislike, whereas “fat” is simply a neutral descriptor, like tall, short, thin, pale, curvy, muscular, etc — and it is a descriptor that accurately describes me.

  25. -whistles-

    You’re gorgeous. :) Unfuckable? Yeah, right.

  26. The woman in the dress: gorgeous! The Hallowe’en costume idea: awesome!

  27. I LOVE this. You rock.

    And yeah, I think we all have that troll inside of us. It’s sad, really, because even the women who are “setting” the standard of beauty (thin, big lips, etc) don’t feel beautiful. No one’s feeling great, the trolls are winning everywhere.

  28. I love the dress! It’s totally awesome on you! I really like how wearing red makes me feel.

    I have to mention that the writer of the nasty article has apologized and admitted that her nastiness is probably stemming from her history with anorexia and obsession with being thin. Mean people are hurting people. <3 <3 <3

  29. (not that hurting is a good excuse to be mean)

  30. That dress looks like it was lonely and waiting for you to come along and fulfill it’s destiny. :)

  31. It’s a beautiful dress! I agree with The Nerd. I humbly suggest that perhaps that dress has dancing in its destiny. It looks like it would swirl. As one of those people who doesn’t ‘dress up’ very often, I feel strongly that if I am going to wear a skirt, it should be swirly so as I can make the most of the experience.
    But I can see your face and expression more in your profile pic, so I think you look even more beautiful in that.

    @wendy ann hurting is not a good excuse to be mean. I didn’t encounter the article until I read this http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/arm-for-maura.html, so my perspective on it was skewed. In a good way, I think.

  32. Hey look over there! A unicorn! Look, it’s so pretty!

    *steals sexy red dress*

  33. Pingback: 10 Things I Do Not Own and 5 Things I Do, or, Messing With Stereotypes « Raising My Boychick

  34. Damn girl! I followed a recommendation from someone to your blog, and I am sooooooo glad I did! You look beautiful in the dress! Annnnnnd you words are so damn inspiring! I love your words on gender, and beauty, and size! From now on I am a life long reader! Keep up the amazing work… and the sassy fabulocity that you are! PS… I would love to interview you for my blog if you would be willing! I am starting to do a series of interviews with women that inspire me… and I would be honored if you would be among them!

  35. I sure hope that when you were a ‘voracious flirt’ in high school(as you called yourself in offbeatmama), you took better care of your body. As a young person who eats well and exercises, I do not enjoy being ‘voraciously flirted’ with by a morbidly obese woman. (I don’t enjoy being flirted with by obese men either, but obese men rarely describe themselves as being ‘voracious flirts.)

    • chahuahaus — Fortunately, I’ve always had better taste than to flirt with misogynistic douchebags, so you’re entirely safe. :D

  36. You look so sexy. Great arse.

    I’m not sure why anyone would flirt with chahuahaus.

    Have a great day!

  37. Poor thin people getting flirted with by fatties. WON’T SOMEONE THINK OF THE THIN PEOPLE?!

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