Bingo — wherein we all grab a bingo card filled in with heard-them-a-thousand-times hateful tropes instead of numbers — is one of the activist’s most powerful resources, because it lets us mock and laugh at the hate and ignorance we encounter ever day. There’s nothing bigots hate more than when we’re too busy laughing to be hurt by their douche-ass words.
To that effect, grab a fat-hate bingo card (or two — or have a screen-reader friendly version of both), and settle down for this absolute GEM of a comment from Steve, left today on my post On fatphobia, thin privilege, and “eat a sandwich!”. If I view it as performance art, I can marvel at its near-perfection as an embodiment of bigotry thinly (haha!) disguised as allydom.
(But trigger warning for fat hate, for realz y’all. Be in a happy place if you are to read on. Because I might laugh and call it “art”, but this is how some people really feel about us. But if you’ve the spoons, the urge for disbelieving chuckles, and a big pile of baby-flavoured donuts1 at hand, read on…)
My girlfriend is a size two. 35-24-35. Blonde, smart as a whip, dual Masters, saves every dime she makes and has the bank account to show for it. Confident, conversant in dozens of subjects, athletic, teaches professional dance. She gets almost anything she wants out of anyone she comes in contact with. But if not for her size 2 size all the rest of her attributes wouldn’t open the doors and get her the treatment she recieves [sic]. Give her a Michelin midriff, two chins, canklets, flabby arms, sausage fingers and a butt that enters the room 5 seconds after she does and the sledding gets infinitely tougher. Big women can have their increased risk of cardio-vascular disease, diabetes, lower joint aches and wear. Let them be happy with forever looking for flattering clothes. Let them sit at home while hills are being climbed, marathons being run. I know men with large partners and the list of worries and frets they’re subjected to numbers a hundred items to every one my girl presents me. Diets, counting calories, jealousies and insecurities. Thin is better. Much better. And those jabs she occasionally gets about being “too thin”? Silent deflection, resting assured the critic fervently wishes she could crawl inside her skin.
I have a Most Favored Possession, I mean, girlfriend (who is probably made of rubber and wishful thinking, but shh), which proves that I have a Very Big Penis, and let me start by telling you about her physical dimensions, because I KNOW that’ll be a hit on a size-acceptance blog, and will prove the size of my exceptionally large schlong! She is So Very Perfect in every way conceivable that I have allowed her the honor of being my Most Favored Possession, I mean, girlfriend! And some of these accomplishments which I have so carefully detailed for you even though they are not mine come much easier for her because she’s so perfectly thin! And I say this so you know that I am an ally, so you will not mind when I continue next with my graphic and hateful description of anyone who is not like my Most Favored Possession, I mean, girlfriend! Because unimaginative and highly exaggerated stereotypes are funny, ammirite?? Now I will toss out some well-known “facts” (who cares about science, the media say them so they’re TROOO!) showing my pity for anyone whom I consider too fat to fuck, because pity proves that I am a good person! Also fat chicks are lazy and have never done anything active in their entire lives ever! And some poor doods have to date these slobs because their dicks are tiny, unlike mine! Those fools have to put up with the consequence of fat-hatred and a lifetime of food policing which of course would never ever affect my Most Favored Possession, I mean, girlfriend because she is so perfectly thin and thin women never have problems or body image issues, ammirite?? And when my Most Favored Possession, I mean, girlfriend does get mean comments, it is only because every fat chick secretly wants to be thin so that I will want to bone her! Fat blows! Can I have a cookie now?
Who’s got bingo? I wanna see proof in the comments, people!