WHEREAS the author of the web-log site known as Raising My Boychick and located on the World Wide Web at http://www.raisingmyboychick.com (henceforth known as “The Author”) WAS KNOWN TO RECEIVE for the anniversary of the commencement of her extrauterine dwelling ONE (1) infestation (consisting of TWO [2] or more of said beings) of the sub-human being known on the World Wide Web as “trolls” (henceforth known as “Infestation” in the collective and “Douchebag” in the singular) and
WHEREAS said infestation included ONE (1) Douchebag calling The Author and the reader or readers of the web-log site Raising My Boychick “hambeasts” and
WHEREAS users of the micro-web-log site Twitter (henceforth known as “Followers” or “Tweeps”) declared to The Author — despite The Author’s assertions that the definition of “hambeast” that said Douchebag was using equaled “too fat to fuck” — that “hambeasts” sounds exceptionally delicious and
WHEREAS The Author was presented with ONE (1) gluten-free Hambeast Cake for The Author’s Hambirthday by ONE (1) of The Author’s Tweeps (see Appendix A) and
WHEREAS it is never prudent to indulge in pity when one can engage in levity and
WHEREAS it seemed like a damn good idea at the time
LET IT BE RESOLVED that henceforth the TWENTIETH (20th) day of the NINTH (9th) month of the Julian Gregorian calendar, also known as September 20th or 20 September, shall be known as
~~~INTERNATIONAL HAMBEAST DAY~~~
Cake for everyone!
Gluten free!
Kosher!
Vegan!
Tastes of ham!
But yummier!
Yummy!
All blame and/or thanks for the above picture and the idea for IHD go to Lisa Hoang. Many additional thanks go to all of The Author’s Tweeps who made getting called a hambeast the best part of this year’s anniversary of extrauterine habitation. Y’all made my day.
OMG, I love you!
And the Hambeast loves you, Kareena.
Have some cake.
*noms*
I totally think this is the most famous moment of my entire life. I am thrilled to forever carry the honor of introducing the Hambeastcake to the world. And of course, most importantly, joining in the revelry surrounding your anniversary. Because douchebags shouldn’t have more fun.
lisa — I bow to you. *bow*
And douchebags can never have more fun. The worse they are, the more fun is possible for us.
…but they can still bug off. It’d be ok, really.
Oh nom nom nom love me some hambeast :)
I love some hambeast. Heck, I am a hambeast. But even heathen USians replaced the Julian calendar with the Gregorian calendar a good while back. :P
Gregoria, I mean, Lucy — not sure whether you get an extra small, stale piece of Hambeastcake for that, or the glorious moist and yummy candy spines. Either way, fixed.
(And in my defense I knocked this puppy out in about 20 minutes, hitting “publish” with approximately 90 seconds to spare to get the right date on it. With a migraine. And a cold. ON MY BIRTHDAY. So nyeh on you and your silly far-more-accurate calendar system.
Hambeast approves of all time-passage-measuring systems.)
Julia, I mean, Arwyn, I am thrilled to hear that you did the post so quickly and efficiently. I’ll even put up with you trying to push stale Hambeastcake on me just because I’m that happy for you.
This made my day! Save some cake for me, I’m needing to gain more weight so I can be a super yummy hambeast too!
Mmmmmmm, cake.
(Don’t you hate it when you hit enter too early?)
Does the hambeast cake taste of kyriarchy?
Jessica — The hambeast eats kyriarchy, and offers delicious ham-flavored cake in return.
Re-ci-pe! Re-ci-pe! Re-ci-pe!
Dou-la-la — Take one minding-her-own-business happy fatty, cook under the searing gaze of Douchebagius Maximus, then feed equal amounts kyriarchy and sense of humor. Voila! Hambeastcake for everyone!
Except the douchebags.
Most excellent! I was also deemed too fat and ugly this week on the internet! Can I have some cake, too?
Lily, aka Witch Mom
Lily — Great interview, but wow, avoid the comments!
You DEFINITELY get cake!
Nom nom nom. I’ll have mine with a side of baby-flavored donuts, thanks.
And… belated happy birthday salutations and felicitations and and other mis-used ations you like, to you!
My family have an in-joke where the song goes ‘Happy birthdaycake to you’ instead of ‘happy birthday to you’ and I really, really think that a recording of ‘Happy Hambeastcake to you!’ ought to play every time a troll visits.
Spilt Milk — Someone needs to write that plug-in. I’d so buy it.
“You are what you eat.” Pass me a slice of HAMBEAST!
Happy belated Hambeast Day!
And now I must locate cake. Mmm, cake.
ROFL
I am so delighted with you and your followers. Delight in Hambeastcake. It’s an absolute hoot!
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