Welcome to RMB’s Naked Pictures of Faceless People, a series of guest posts from diverse anonymous bloggers. (Read more about NPFP’s origins.) These are the posts that are jumping to get out of us, but for whatever reason — safety, embarrassment, conflict of interest, protection of loved ones’ reputations or feelings, or so on — we don’t or won’t or can’t post at our own blogs. Anyone, whether blogger or reader only, is welcome to submit or discuss a potential post by emailing me at arwyn at raisingmyboychick dot com.
I’m Breaking Up With You: A Letter to My Mother
It must be nice living in your shoes. So sure that nothing is wrong with you, that you have time to go to therapy for other people’s “problems”. That’s really something. I hope that I am not the only lucky recipient of your “help” — you could help everyone in the world with their problems since apparently you have none. It’s really giving of you to spend your time, money and “concern” helping other people. Surly that could be spent elsewhere… like, I dunno…on therapy for you. Because fuck knows you need it.
How about next time you go to see your “professional person” you go for you? I do not need you and your “professional person” figuring out what is wrong with me or what I need to do to fix it. I have myself under control. Just because my journey is not the same path you would take does not mean that my work is unsuccessful.
If anyone is having a harder time in life than you or getting more attention or sympathy than you, you have to create made-up drama so you are once again the center of attention. If anyone is happier than you and really working hard at moving forward in their life, then you have to do whatever you can to attempt to make them miserable (just like you?). This is your game. You have done this to me for as long as I can remember. I am no longer going to be a participant in your game.
I told you I was working on forgiveness towards you. But that answer wasn’t good enough for you. You want an answer that will make you feel good. It is not my job to make you feel good; it is my job to find my own fulfillment. Just as that is your own job.
I will no longer be to blame for your feelings. If you are feeling that you are “sliding backwards” then you need to look within yourself. I live thousands of miles away from you and keep limited contact with you; you can not blame me for your feelings. I will not take responsibility for how you feel.
I will not allow you to use my spouse, my children, or anyone else that is dear to me as a tool for your manipulation. You no longer have permission to attempt to emotionally manipulate me. You had that power for 38 years. Today I take it back. If you attempt to manipulate me or anyone close to me, you will be ignored.
You make a lot of assumptions. You assume that I have forgiven everyone but you; you know nothing about those situations. Assumption does not make something a fact. It is unwise to make decisions based on assumptions. Hopefully you can learn this one day.
Just because I forgive myself for any misperceptions from my past, and I realize that you did the best that you could. That does not wipe away the past. Especially not when current behaviors mimic past behavior. I accept that is who and what you are. But I have to do what is best for me and my family, and part of that is setting boundaries based on my needs not your wants.
The truth is I will never be able to make you happy. You have to find that within yourself. I will never be able to give you what you want in a relationship. There is no fantasy world, there is only what is, and that isn’t going to make you happy. Maybe one day you can learn to love and accept me for me. Maybe you’ll be able to accept what I am able to give. And maybe one day you will stop trying to fix me. There is nothing wrong with me. Until you can find acceptance for me, I don’t see how we can ever have a meaningful relationship. Until you can claim ownership for your own feelings, behaviors, and misperceptions, I do not see how we can move forward. All I can do is work on myself. I have no expectations for you.
You have said we need to “cut ties” so that I can work on our relationship. Last time I checked a relationship involved two people. I can only do my own work. So this is fine if it is what you need to do. However, do NOT forget it was you who set this in motion — you will not be blaming me for this one.
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