Comments on: The things I haven’t been telling you

By: Liz

Liz — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 23:24:34 +0000

I had to leave the computer and go write in my paper journal for awhile because I was feeling some feelings about this, still am actually, especially after reading all the loving and supportive comments. :’(

thank you for sharing your experiences and your feelings and your ambivalence
hearing someone else had similar feelings as what I did (and I hear myself think stuff like, “and after only a short little pregnancy!” and I know that’s an attempt to minimize and de-importance what happened, and I know that’s Not Good, and I’m working on it).

just, thank you, it helps, and me too.

By: Phoenix_Rising

Phoenix_Rising — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 02:10:59 +0000

So much love to you, dear friend. <3

By: Chally

Chally — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:27:48 +0000

I’m sorry. *hugs*

By: Annie @ PhD in Parenting

Annie @ PhD in Parenting — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:54:39 +0000

Like Katie, I’m cheering for both projects! What a great way of putting it. The book sounds wonderful. And Arwyn as a mom x 2 sounds wonderful too. I’m sorry it wasn’t to be this time. ((hug))

I’m struggling now with some things I want to write about, but can’t because my blog isn’t completely anonymous and because it isn’t just about me (writing about these things could compromise the privacy of other members of my family, which I’m not willing to do). I know there are places (like here) that I could write an anonymous guest post, yet I want the feedback from and support of my community (which does overlap with yours, but is not entirely the same). While I yearn to write about it, I also don’t want to be put in a position of having to defend or justify my feelings or my choices. So for now, I’m keeping quiet. But maybe…we’ll see.

By: Marcy

Marcy — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:42:19 +0000

I understand, and have myself fallen prey to, this notion of “I shouldn’t complain or feel bad because I have/will have it much better than so many others.” But that’s a fallacy, because there’s ALWAYS someone else who has a worse situation than you do, and that doesn’t mean your feelings and experiences are not real or should not be acknowledged. It means perhaps we shouldn’t wallow in our sadness, and maybe try to focus on the positives after a while, but most definitely we also need to allow ourselves to feel the grief that comes from a situation that is going the opposite of how we wish it would go. To ignore those feelings, to push them aside as something we’re not “supposed” to feel is just an injustice to ourselves.

So there’s my 2 cents about that.

I’m interested in the statement you made about feeling the need to defend or justify your timing or desire to have another kid. Interested, because the thought has never even crossed my mind. Maybe it’s the circles I run in, where children are such a normal and expected part of married life… But I figure the decisions to have children (or not) are ones we each make for ourselves and that’s just that. I don’t think there should be any need on your part to have to explain, defend, or justify ANY of this to anyone.

(Lastly– you may not be wanting advice at this point, but have you tried charting BBT, etc? Might be helpful, especially with irregular cycles, to know what’s going on and helping you conceive…)

By: Dou-la-la

Dou-la-la — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 21:01:16 +0000

Couldn’t read and not post. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriage, but as always, your perspective is positively inspiring. I wish you the very best with BOTH creations – the idea of a real world attachment parenting book by someone in my generation is SO AWESOME. Cheering you on to make it so!

By: mamapoekie

mamapoekie — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:28:25 +0000

I can totally relate… I blogged about the envy and I got dragged through the dirt for it… it’s a tricky thing to blog about

By: LivewithFlair

LivewithFlair — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 17:07:55 +0000

Thank you for this important blog post. I found you on technorati and wanted to visit! Thank you for writing down what needed to be said–what you alone can say.

By: Marilyn (A Lot of Loves)

Marilyn (A Lot of Loves) — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 06:48:52 +0000

I know how frustrating it can feel to withhold what you actually want to talk about on your blog because someone you know is reading it. It’s a struggle I deal with too. It’s irritating actually and I’m not positive how I’ll deal with it.

Sorry about the miscarriages. That’s a rough thing to go through for sure.

By: Janelle

Janelle — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 06:43:04 +0000

*hugs*