Comments on: NPFP Guest Post: Pink Frosting

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 07:42:26 +0000

I relate to so much of this. My mother was schizophrenic, but was always a loving, wonderful mother in spite of it. Still I remember the hospitalizations, the secrets I had to keep for fear of social services being called, the times she forgot her medication and did not know who I was. I remember her fear of the outside world and the wariness and distrust of people I learned from her. I worry what sort of genes I have gotten from her and what sort I will pass on to my own children. It is so frustrating never to be able to talk about these things for fear that people will pity me, thinking she was a frightening monster. Thank you for having the courage to share.

By: Krissy

Krissy — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 04:53:48 +0000

I am so right there with you. The bad days are just so hard.

By: Rosemary Cottage

Rosemary Cottage — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 05:48:40 +0000

I’m terrified of passing my poor mental health on to my child.

My Mum struggled with mental illness (don’t know what it was, possibly depression, it was never really discussed but I know she had two nervous breakdowns) all her life, but also did some really twisted and abusive, messed up stuff to me and my sister.

We’re estranged now (her decision, though I can’t say I’m not glad of it) and although it’s a relief in many ways, it also means I’m never able to ask her about it all.

And now, recently, I found myself shouting at my child, screaming at him, then asking him if he’d rather live with his father (he said he wouldn’t, and that both makes me glad and terrifies the hell out of me), making him cry, coming to my senses shortly after and realising what an awful thing I’d done, scared of driving him away and worst of all, feeling like I’m turning into my mother.

And that not only have I (genetically) “infected” him with this illness, I’m also not modelling to him any decent coping skills. I’m showing him precisely what not to do, in fact.

I want help, but fear going to a doctor in case they get in touch with social services. In the past they’ve just put me on SSRIs which work but the side effects are awful. I wish I knew a way out of this mess. In the meantime, I, too, will keep baking cakes for him in the hope it might at least show him that I do intend to love him.

By: Sheri

Sheri — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 02:16:45 +0000

I loved this post. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my life and so has my husband; I also wonder how our daughter will be affected by our genes. I see signs of OCD already.

By: ChelseaWantsOut

ChelseaWantsOut — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 16:24:11 +0000

This is a beautiful post. It made me cry and think of my own mother and how hard she worked to make my childhood better than hers was. She has severe depression and while she made mistakes (as we all do), I always knew that she loved me and thought the world of me. Thank you for sharing your pain and hopes and fears.

By: S.L.

S.L. — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 15:04:06 +0000

Thank you. It’s been really hard lately with in-laws who can’t imagine and a mother who suffers the same disorders as I who has convinced me my disorder isn’t a medical issue but a moral flaw. I’ve wanted to leave, I almost left this weekend, But I’m going to hold on for a little longer and keep trying. My son deserves that and so much more.

By: Spilt Milk

Spilt Milk — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 09:32:44 +0000

Thank you. I too am a mother with depression: my own mother wasn’t able to cope and she left us when I was three. Now I have a daughter. Your words here have really resonated with me.