But!

I can snack on copious amounts of chocolate in the break room without getting hushed comments about “no wonder she’s so big!”
I am not perceived to have no heigene or poor heigene because of my weight.
I am not considered “lucky” to be raped because “fat women can’t get sex”.
I am not looked apon in horror at the prospect of people sitting next to me on a plane or bus because of my weight.
I am not blamed for all manner of societal ills, from healthcare costs to global warming.
I am not told day after day after day that life would be better, healthier, nicer if I was thinner.
If I have acronym pain condition, my doctor will take it seriously, and not just tell me to lose weight.

All these are aspects of thin privilege, which, yes, are very real. Yes, your pain is real and should be acknowledged. No, your pain is not “less than”. Yes, all women are told to conform to unrealistic body image standards, and no one is “good enough”; this pitting of woman against woman is horrible. But you are privileged, just as I am, and it is important for us to own that.

This is my first summer in nearly 30 years where I am dressing to suit the weather and MYSELF, and oh boy! is it ever wonderful! I was under the misguided notion that my fatness needed to be hidden, needed to be “fixed”; and never put together my feminist side with accepting MYSELF as-is. When I heard the “click” of those two pieces falling together, I rethought my entire outlook on how I viewed others, and myself, from a feminist + FA perspective. And now – cute skirts, short-shorts, tank tops and a whole new confidence. (and a lot more comfort during this hot, humid summer!)

You’re gorgeous, darling, and don’t you forget it!

I am aware that some fat-acceptance language, especially that promoted by mainstream media (like “real women have curves” — how I loathe that phrase!), can be really offensive to women who are thin. But what I promote is size-acceptance. “Will you join me? Whatever your body size or shape, whether conventionally pretty or subversively beautiful or happily plain, be.” Which means it is as unacceptable to tell someone to “eat a sandwich!” as it is to say “put down the burger!” Body policing, of whatever sort, is not OK.

Thin women have size privilege (as you say, “most clothes fit me”, to name just one small example), but that doesn’t mean they do not suffer from body policing, or have any less right to be free of it.

So yes, please be happy in your skin and love yourself and your size!

I’m 5’8″ and 120 lbs – in other words about a size 2 – most clotes fit me, though in my opinion some styles just shouldn’t exist. But hey that’s another topic entirely. I hear many women complain about their size and shape. Many of those same women will whine about others comments, and say I’m so lucky to not have to put up with that. Then withouttaking a breath those same women will tell me I look sickly, I shouldn’t eat hte foods I choose to eat b/c I need to put on more weight. If I choose to take the stairs instead of the elevator, they taake i as a personal insult and will tell me I’m damaging my body and that I should see a Dr b/c I’m most likely anorexic (or if they know me well enough to see me eat, they figure I must be bulimic) and that I exercise too much.

Despite my size I am not the healthiest person – trust me If I wore a bikini there would be no sign of muscle anywhere, and after a few babies my best features are my arms (lugging two 30+lbs kids and all their parephenalia has it’s advantages).

My point is that you want to love your skin, love your size whatever it is, and you want skinny people like me to let you do that. Great. Sounds wonderful, but I would really appreciate it if people would allow me to be happy in my skin too, would stop blaming me for their own internal feelings of inadequacy.

Oh and before you jump down my throat about having no idea about what it’s like – The AVERAGE size in my family is 300lbs I wore size 13 in high school. I didn’t feel overly large then, just as I don’t feel overly small now. I was me. That’s all there is to it.

Please love yourself no matter what your size, but also allow others, no matter what their size the same opportunity.

For years and years I was locked in a battle with my body. And I’ve never been fat – that’s just not in my genes, and I think people do not understand how much of this is about genes and how BODIES ARE JUST DIFFERENT, PERIOD – but I’ve rarely ever been the “ideal.” And I’ve cried over my body in dressing rooms, in bed at night, when getting dressed for a night out. I spent hours with friends pointing out our perceived flaws.

Then I read “Fat is a Feminist Issue” and it opened my eyes. And I’ve gotten older and maybe a little wiser and now I just like my body, however it is. And it changes. It’s a lot bigger when I have a small baby, it’s a lot smaller when I have an older baby who’s nursing a lot. But neither state evokes an emotional reaction – they’re both just body. My body, which is healthy and alive.

There’s nothing that pains me more than a female friend complaining about her weight. And there’s nothing that makes me happier than a woman embracing her body and enjoying it and wearing it proudly. So thanks for a joyous post! May it be a freeing and beautiful summer for us all!

I agree with everything you wrote in your reply and I think maybe I wasn’t clear enough about my position, or perhaps that I’m not able to see what I’m really saying – regardless, on a cognitive level I do believe in the principles of fat acceptance, I’m just having trouble reconciling that belief with the more reflexive attitudes, judgements and thoughts that pop into my head.

I firmly believe that health and self-respect/love/worth are more important than dress sizes and socially prescribed ideals but when the rubber meets the road, I’m caught up in a mess of cultural expectations, morals and judgements. This type of confusion, I think, lies at the heart of a lot of bigotry, oppressive behaviour and cultural reinforcement; I think most people in our society would say that they are against racism and sexism (I don’t think we’re totally there for fatism or homophobia yet…) and yet wouldn’t necessarily be able (willing?) to identify the inherent/covert elements of oppression in their own acts, the acts of others, or within dominant societal structures. We can point to the abstract and say we disagree but when it comes to the ways in which we are used to behaving, it can be a lot harder to flesh out where the oppressive forces have managed to sneak in.

And this is where I get personally stuck. I agree that we shouldn’t judge people based on their weight and yet, I can’t seem to stop those thoughts from popping into my head. I am able to recognize them, however, and am starting to automatically correct them which is a start, I suppose.

The issue of my own weight-loss is another matter that is so wrapped up with a lot of other issues I’m going to have to do some serious work to figure it out. Again, I agree on the abstract level that losing weight isn’t necessarily a bigoted act but when I’m really honest about why I did it, a sizeable part of it was about my appearance and that’s something I’m not really comfortable with; I say it was about health but when people tell me how good I look now that I’ve lost weight I believe them (and the inherent statement that I didn’t look as good before) and that makes me angry – at myself and at them and at the whole damn issue. And what’s worse is that even though I’ve lost weight, when I look in the mirror the first things I notice are still my “muffin tops” and floppy upper arms! I wouldn’t say I’m someone with serious self-esteem or body image issues but I’ve always been “overweight” (according to “them”) and have always dreamed of being “thin and pretty” (because, in the deepest instinctual part of my brain those two things are still inseparable – uhg!).

Right now I’m in what they call “the maintenance stage” (despite the fact that I’m not a size 2 model- I drew the line of weight loss at what I felt was a “normal” size but it was hard to let go of the “skinny” dream – again, that’s another whole post right there) but gods-damn, how I’ve come to hate that term! I’m not in “a stage” and my body not some thing that needs to be separated from my self and my life in order to be maintained – I’m a human being living my life! Yes, I’m still trying to find a happy medium where I feel healthy and good about my eating and my relationship with food but I’ve come to think that if that’s ever going to happen, maybe I have to stop listening to the scale and external forces, maybe I need to tune them out, turn them down, in order to hear the voice of my own body… and maybe that’s the issue I’ve been having all along… It’s not about loving myself despite the “flaws” or seeing the beauty in spite of “the weight”, it’s about seeing the beauty and loving the reality for all it is.

Whew, I feel like I just let go of a lifetime worth of baggage! (maybe I should start paying you for the therapy ;)

Thank you ever so much for pushing me to think deeper and look harder. I’ve had a feeling there was something here I needed to attend to but until your post I had managed to skirt the issue and turn a blind eye to the work I needed to do. You gave me that gentle nudge out of my safe space and, even more importantly, offered me a safe place to explore the issue and for that I am incredibly grateful.

I’ve still got some way to go but I’ll get there eventually and in the meantime, I’m going to embrace the beauty that is my body and go buy a two-piece bathing suit to wear with pride for the first time in my life! (and show off my hairy-never-been-shaved-legs in the process :)