Welcome to The Boychick’s Bookshelf! In this series, I review children’s books of interest to parents who want to raise children free from and opposed to kyriarchy. These reviews will focus on books which showcase stories and lives beyond the dominant culture of white straight middle-class families, or which contain explicitly anti-kyriarchy messages (anti-racism, anti-ableism, anti-sexism, anti-heterosexism, anti-cissexism, anti-violence, anti-colonialization, and so on).
Being Friends
Karen Beaumont, pictures by Joy Allen
The Story
In a pleasantly rhyming first person narrative, we learn about two friends: one of whom, a white girl1, likes jeans and caps and cookies and hanging upside down, the other of whom, a black or multiracial girl, likes gowns and crowns and cake and spinning around, but, as the oft-repeated refrain says, they “both like being friends.”
The art is realistic and delightful, with enough to explore in each scene to engage the reader but simple enough to be easily taken in. As a pet lover, I enjoyed spotting the dog and the cat (the girls’ pets) on nearly every page.
Intended Audience
By placing the narrative in the point of view of the white friend, this book, however subtly, others the black friend, making it a story aimed more at middle class2 white families looking to encourage diversity than being a story by and for children of color.
That aside, I would highly recommend it, especially for girls. While they like doing different things, both the femme and the butch3 (the “princess” and the “chimpanzee”) are physically active (playing baseball, jumping on the bed, having pillow fights), academically engaged (“spelling C-A-T” and “counting 1, 2, 3″, and looking at the planets and stars with a telescope), artistic, and courageous (telling each other scary stories). Girls need to hear this message: that being “girly” or “tomboyish” means liking different clothes (and both are perfectly ok!), but it doesn’t have to limit the options of what we can do.
Changes in the Telling
The one page I would give much to be able to change is where the two friends express their “hate” for, respectively, peas and mushrooms, and their mutual desire for pepperoni pizza. I’ve tried to change this in the telling, but the Boychick has already learned to correct me with “hate” of vegetables. Since mushrooms and peas are two of the Boychick’s favorite foods, and he’s yet to have pizza without any vegetables on it (much less with pepperoni), I do not appreciate this book reinforcing the stereotype that kids don’t like veggies. (Some might not, but much as with gender stereotypes I’m convinced that cultural messages, such as this, play a far greater role than we generally acknowledge.)
Not something we can change, but I really wish there were a line explicitly acknowledging the races of the friends. “You are black and I am white” or “Your dad is black, mine is white, but both our moms are Jewish” or something that states what readers young and old will readily notice. Without this explication, the book becomes yet another brick in the “we4 don’t talk about race” wall that contributes to racism.
On the Bookshelf Because
Bought for the message of interracial friendship, kept for the messages gender expression diversity not limiting ability, enjoyed for the acknowledgment that everyone has both similarities and differences.
But Does It Appeal? The Boychick’s Take
I cannot tell you how much the Boychick likes this book. What’s more, even after reading it no less than three dozen times (between The Man and myself), we’re not yet sick of it either. The first day we had it, he wanted to read “the string book” (so called for the picture of the friends playing a string game on the cover) over and over again, and a week later, still requests it multiple times in a row. I think it’s safe to say the Boychick approves.
Buy it, Consider it, Skip it, or Compost it?
Consider it.
Your Take
Have you read Being Friends? What do you think, and what do your kids think? Are there other books with similar messages you prefer?
Note: This book was sent to us by a dear reader who purchased it off the Raising My Boychick wishlist.
- Nowhere in the text are the children’s genders identified, but the book jacket and reviews state, and the pictures imply, that the two friends are both girls ↩
- The children are pictured in a house or in a field, and always with abundant toys ↩
- Femme and butch are not my favorite words, but I’m not sure what better ones there are. ↩
- “We” meaning white folk. ↩
May I ask where you get the titles you have been reviewing? I’m impressed by the books (three) you’ve reviewed so far. I’ve found nothing like them myself. So where do you hear of these books in the first place?
Thomasin — I’ve known about Heather Has Two Mommies since forever, I found 10,000 Dresses when looking for HHTM in the Gay/Lesbian Parenting section at Powell’s Books (and don’t get me started about what it’s doing in the Gay and Lesbian Parenting section rather than with the kids books proper), and Being Friends was another book by the author of I Like Myself! which was recommended by a reader.
In general, some of the books in our home library I had recommended to me or already knew about (several came from a thread on Love Isn’t Enough, formerly The Anti-Racist Parent), and others I found exploring Powell’s or Amazon or my local feminist bookstore (In Other Words).
We’ve always sought out and only purchased books — first board books and now picture books — that were specifically anti-kyriarchal in some way, that featured characters or families out of the “norm” (which is to say, out of the very small but privileged minority that is highly overrepresented), or showed men in nurturing roles, or had messages that reflected the values we wanted to instill. Which means we pass up a whole lot of books (I’ll read pretty much anything to him in the library or bookstore, but not many come home with us — they don’t have to be perfect, but there has to be something good, not just enjoyable, about them), but we have a really great selection.
I know we’re really lucky in the stores we have available to us and the types of books the stores here carry. One of the advantages of living in a liberal city.
I’m enjoying this review series! Is there a way to link to the whole series so that they all appear on one page? Just wondering.
Also, what do you think of books that bypass race by having the characters be animals or some other non-human beings?
Howie — You can either click on the Category title The Boychick’s Bookshelf to see all the reviews, or I’ve set up an Amazon store that has the books reviewed so far on it: The Boychick’s Bookshelf. (I’m not sure whether that works outside of the US — I’d love if any of my readers from other countries could tell me if they can see it and whether it tries to ship them books across borders or oceans. If it doesn’t work well for people outside the USA, I’ll probably scrap it.)
For your other question: In general, I think any attempt to “bypass” race, like with the portrayal of characters as animals or monsters, tends to fail. Once we anthropomorphize an animal, we understand it as human, and therefore understand it as race-d. And, given the current racist culture we are immersed in, we generally understand it to be white. If the character is dressed, or lives in a house, or has a name, the number of cultural (and, by association, race) markers goes up, and it becomes more problematic.
Another problem is that it encourages the (white) idea that the “solution” to racism is to ignore race — to be “color blind” (and gods I hate that phrase, especially given that members of my family are actually color blind/color deficient). If we (supposedly) don’t portray race, then we don’t have to talk about it, and we’ll not risk saying anything “wrong”, so we won’t be labeled “racist” — and racism itself will, unopposed, be allowed to flourish.
But although we may think of, say, a monster as not really having a race, in many books (there’s one that the Boychick was given as a gift I’m thinking of in particular) we will then encounter an individual (monster/animal/whatever “race-free” substitute) that is obviously of another race (is another color, another species, etc) from the majority portrayed — thus reinforcing that all the other monsters are in fact raced, and are representative of the dominant race ie are (to be understood as) white.
And further there’s a long and ugly history of using animals as racist metaphors — black people/Africans represented by monkeys or gorillas, Chinese people as dragons, etc. — and we risk encouraging and reinforcing that with some “race-free” portrayals.
Don’t get me wrong: I love a good talking-animal story, and I don’t think we should do away with them, by any means. They can be fun and entertaining and tell a good (qualitatively and morally good) story. But what they are not is a way to bypass race — which shouldn’t be our goal, anyway.
Interesting take. I’ve always found that most anthropomorphized characters tend to present as though they belong to a certain place/time/culture as well. And you’re certainly correct about the racist associations with cartoonized animals (just try to watch Dumbo.) I wonder how often general perception matches the intent (conscious or subconscious) of the author?
This comment reminds me of the times we’ve watched Thomas the Tank Engine, and how bothered I am by the diesel engines… who are black in color, emphasized as being dirty/oily, and are often very mean and nasty. I can’t help but see strong racist overtones there… (meaning we don’t watch Thomas anymore… though he does still play with the toy trains)
This may be too late to be useful, but as a non-US person, I tried your Amazon link and it did take me to the .com site, and suggested a 14-day international shipping option. So not that useful, sadly!
This book sounds great, I’ll have to add it to our library. I am wondering if you bought any potty training books for The Boychick (I am not sure if he is still in diapers). My son is 2.5 and very resistant to potty training. I went to the book store and had a lot of trouble finding any books on using the potty that featured boys of color. Very annoying! So I am just curious if there is a book on this topic that you know and like, especially for an extremely verbal boy who is extremely potty resistant (prayers for me are also welcome).