I’m in the midst of a maternity massage series — two three-day-weekends in a row, for a total of 44 class hours — and am utterly knackered. I’ve had so many thoughts, so many posts I would’ve given a toe1 to be able to sit down and get out, but have had to get back to class, to get even more inspiration for more posts I don’t have time to write.
So in lieu of one of those posts, some thoughts:
- I love what I do so, so much. Seriously. I get to touch people and make them feel good, I get to rub pregnant bellies and (eventually) get paid for it. How much better can it get?
- Silver or burgundy vines, raised rivers of wounds survived, bands of muscle, dimpled flesh, hair soft and sparse or springy and abundant or all but undetectable: all bellies are beautiful.
- There’s got to be a way to celebrate birth and pregnancy without being cissexist and ableist and misogynist (which is to say, without essentializing women to walking uteri, ignoring women who don’t or won’t or can’t bear children). I’ve yet to see it done, but my optimistic nature believes it must be possible.
- How the US routinely treats women and babies in birth should be criminal. It’s not about hospital or home, medicated or not — no matter how a woman2 chooses to birth, she and the baby(s) she births deserve dignity, honor, and respect. One should never have to choose between medical assistance (whether needed or wanted, it doesn’t matter) and kind, physiologically appropriate treatment.
- The way educational videos talk about ovulation and conception and pregnancy would be laughable, if it weren’t so ingrained in our society and so reflective of deeper, far less humorous attitudes: the site of ovulation is a “wound”, the egg is so fragile and “has only 24 hours to fulfill its fate, or it DIES” and it “waits” for the “vital ingredient” (sperm), which has its own “trek” to “penetrate” the egg — and if all that “fails”, then the uterus “sloughs” its lining. I could go on…
- Best compliment received ever: “Thank you for having grace with me.”
- Waking up four hours earlier than usual three days in a row sucks — but it’s all a bit more bearable when one knows one gets a massage that day. Massage school is the best.
- I’m sure I’m forgetting things. But see aforementioned four-hour-earlier-than-usual wake ups.
As drained as I am physically, my spirit is soaring. I wish I could gift some of this to all of you — touch, and camaraderie, and joy in vocation, and that yummy post-massage blissed out head space. It’s too good to keep all to myself.
May you have reason to smile, today and every day.
Arwyn
In my bathroom hangs a plaque with a picture of a yin yang and the word BALANCE. I can never get it to hang straight. This probably says something deep and meaningful about my life.
A very brief comment since it’s late. Regarding the whole thing about the educational videos on ovulation and conception (if not pregnancy), I swear the now-19-year-old article by Emily Martin, “The Egg and the Sperm: How
Science Has Constructed a Romance Based on Stereotypical Male-Female Roles” should be required reading. Because, for instance, sperm does not “penetrate” the egg, the egg pulls the sperm in. Unless Martin got the science horribly wrong and here’s an article by Paul Gross that, while criticising Martin and others, admits she got the science right, the sperm is not so much the active agent that it’s constructed to be and the egg not so much the passive agent that it’s constructed to be. Sexism in biological explanations? Who woulda thunk it?
Lucy — Ohh, I must find that article. Though I did know that about the ovum being active. I spent ten minutes on my lunch break that day ranting at The Man about how messed up the video was, and about how stupid sperm are (complete with wiggly arm swimming motions). The kid was amused. (The Man, of course, agreed, and was pissed they’d play something like that. He said he had editing software and wanted me to write a new voice-over…)
Just a couple notes on pregnancy massage. I am not exaggerating when I say massage during pregnancy is what kept me functional during the second half of my pregnancy. Seriously, it made such a huge difference in my physical comfort. The service you provide is going to make such a huge contribution to the pregnancy experience for so many women. I’m excited for you.
Oh Shana, that’s wonderful to hear.
I’m hoping to have a combined office and on-site (hospital, client’s home) practice, but also to make it possible for more people to have access to it. We think of massage as a luxury, but so many can really use it, especially while pregnant, but not nearly as many can afford it.
Yeah, that sexism is pretty intense in sex ed. Remember having your “lady bits” compared visually to a cow head or a potted plant? Like this:
http://totallylookslike.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/129151743712062119.jpg
I’m glad you’re finding massage so fulfilling. Everything in life makes more sense when your required daily activity gives you pleasure.
First: I’m glad you’re having a good time. Not in the sense of party time, though there’s nothing wrong with some good party time, but in the sense of time that’s good and feeds soul and body.
Second: I’ve never understood why celebrating one thing somehow implies to people that there’s something wrong with not-that- thing, or that the thing-celebrated is being held up as “best” in competition with contrasting things. I suspect it has something to do with exclusive-or thinking, and with a knee-jerk over-valuation of competition that, while always strong in American culture, is being actively fed and promoted in current pop TV shows. Be that as it may, I decided long ago that the only, or best, way to change the phenomenon is to celebrate away, frequently celebrating taken-to-be-contrasting things in close conjunction with each other. So Yay! For pregnancy and babies, and Yay! for aging spinsters (I get to call us that on accounta I am one), and Yay! for whoever else might like a little Yay! today.
“There’s got to be a way to celebrate birth and pregnancy without being cissexist and ableist and misogynist (which is to say, without essentializing women to walking uteri, ignoring women who don’t or won’t or can’t bear children). I’ve yet to see it done, but my optimistic nature believes it must be possible.”
Please, please let me know when you figure this out! :O)
I’m with you on not having to choose between medical assistance and respectful treatment. I would say the same thing about birth in Canada. I am so glad to see the homebirth movement, and the natural birth movement advancing. Now I want to see us do a better job of integrated wanted / needed medical interventions with sensitive care.
And that really is an amazing compliment. And a well-earned one, too, I’m sure.
You’ve really got me thinking about the educational part. I’ve never really considered it sexist language, but at the same time I don’t tend to express it that way when I teach health (a subject I adore teaching, btw!) My description of periods is that the uterus needs to provide a rich layer for the fertilized egg to burrow in to; if the woman becomes pregnant, the fertilized egg grows and develops in to an embryo then a baby, etc. If the woman doesn’t become pregnant, the uterus needs to get rid of the old lining so that a new, fresh, healthy lining can be in place for the next cycle. The egg lasts about 24 hours, the sperm lasts about 3-5 days. Fertilization is when the egg and sperm join. I also point out that with the egg and sperm, each one contains half the DNA of each parent and both are essential to making a new person. Students in my health classes really end up knowing their stuff…lol I talk about how babies develop, how milk is produced in the breast, and I tell them about *GASP* the clitoris (explaining that it is the same kind of tissue and nerve endings as the penis and I alternate between saying the clitoris is kind of like a small penis and the penis is kind of like a large clitoris).
I wish it was possible to make sure that all health teachers enjoy what they are doing and are well informed. I had two girls in grade 7 this year who had NEVER had a single lesson about the changes during puberty, let alone having a clue where babies came from. Neither of their mothers had spoken to them about periods or sex, either (for cultural reasons). One girl said her mom had told her that in their home country people learned about sex “naturally” when they got married. I hate to be critical of other cultures, but hearing that makes me want to scream. Thankfully, neither girl had started her period before she heard about periods.
Sheri — I’m reading (and will soon review) the book Flow: The Cultural Story of Menstruation, which in parts talks about some of the language stuff, at least around menstruation. And Taking Charge of Your Fertility talked about how we say seminal fluid but cervical mucus. I’d recommend both of those books (not just for the language discussion, either).
I’m sure you do a great job in your classes, but so much of this is ingrained in our language, it’s pretty hard to avoid altogether (I know I can’t completely!).
So great Sheri to hear you are giving a full story in your health classes! Excellent and so needed! I still remember an old pamphlet from the late 70s called “It’s Wonderful Being a Girl” – except they didn’t mention any of the wonderful parts, such as pleasure! doh
As for pleasure, I’ve got to mention I had the most amazing massage while pregnant – at a remote studio on Saltspring Island. Did so much for me!
What an amazing gift you are giving to the women you touch through massage (and otherwise). Just curious if there is any infant massage in your class, or just pregnancy?
Brenna — in these classes, it’s all about the perinatal woman (pregnant, labor support, and postpartum). My school also teaches pediatric massage, for children, but infant massage seems to be not something LMT schools teach. I’ve considered it as something to offer my clients (as well as babywearing instruction), but my focus is more on the woman/perinatal person, if that makes sense.
Oh definitely makes sense, it just (to me) seems like they would go hand in hand. If a woman realizes the benefits of massage during pregnancy, then she might be likely to realize and seek the benefits of infant massage for her and her baby after birth. It’s something that I think is an important, and underutilized, method of soothing and bonding.
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