Comments on: Where is the mutually agreeable solution? — When parenting calls for blood draws

By: linsee

linsee — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 14:55:15 +0000

This is an older post, but I did want to comment. I am a homebirth midwife and have recently started doing some at-home labs. Its not something I do all day, every day, so I’m not the best at it. Nevertheless, I am frequently told that my blood draws are the least painful ones my clients have ever had. I know my skills are not that great. But I know that they are at home and less afraid and feel more in control. Just like in birthing, at home we feel less fear and pain. Good luck to you. I do think you could learn to do it yourself. Kids veins are trickier, but if you think it would be easier on everyone, its certainly not rocket science.

By: Robinmarie

Robinmarie — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 13:26:25 +0000

I feel your pain. Twice a week. Our son was diagnosed with PKU four days after entering the world. Our feelings were not dissimilar to your family’s. We hated that we had to use our own hands to hurt him twice a week for his blood draws. We have to do this ourselves, at home and mail the samples to the university hospital and then wait a week for the results. It’s maddening. Some times our son makes no fuss at all. Other times, his whole body shakes with fear and dread. My heart breaks. But all the same if we do not do it he will become retarded and eventually die. So I suppose it all must boil down to the weight of the thing. It is more important that he thrive and live than to not cause him fear and discomfort.
Good luck and congratulations on having all these lovely people here for you to lend you their ears and shoulders.

By: Laura

Laura — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 14:32:32 +0000

I just wanted to add my sympathy to the comments here – it’s a hard question, how to deal with that sort of thing. I read some and saw the alternates (try it at home, etc) and didn’t read all but had some thoughts to add – maybe take him with you when you need to get a routine blood draw (if you ever do), so he can see that it’s not just something that he has to experience?

By: mz

mz — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 13:01:36 +0000

We faced similar issues, but with vesicourteral reflux. DD would begin to panic as soon as we pulled into the urologist’s parking lot at children’s hospital. There is nothing I did that I could say, this, this made it better. This made it tolerable. But knowing that her health, her future, her life depended on it, that is why I’m the parent – I can see the long road, I can see the path that happens if the testing and treatment doesn’t occur, and I have the responsibility to carry the burden of ensuring her future, even if it means holding her while she screams today. There are drugs that can be givin to relax them before the more traumatic of tests, and we found these to be life savers. But for the routine tests, all you can do is all you are doing. Breast, ice-cream, hugs, stickers, and love, love, love. For the mama’s – for whom it is mentally exhausting, make sure you have a bottle of wine for yourself (or a box of chocolate, or time to go for a run, read poetry, whatever works for you), a support person to lean on later or during, and make sure the care team of doctors and nurses respects your little and you, so that YOU can trust them too. It took switching drs for us, but once I trusted the specialists, I was more at ease with myself and the decisions being made. I had to KNOW this was necessary and why to fully be able to forgive myself for what was happening. Hang in there. No one said being a mama was easy, and they damn sure never said it would be so dang hard sometimes.

By: jenni

jenni — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 08:17:48 +0000

Hi, I’m a friend of Aphie’s and found you through her. I’m not a mum but I have had epilepsy (diagnosed since age 6, probably from birth) and I thought maybe my experience with blood test/draws might help you.

I hated blood tests as a child and needed them a lot as they balanced my medications. I’d be screaming, have several nurses holding me down, the whole 9 yards. But I am not traumatised as an adult by those experiences as a child, because I was told why I had to have the pain. I can have blood tests now without distress, even though I am the invisible vein woman and the nurses often need a couple of attempts.

However, the thing that really was damaging was not knowing anyone else with epilepsy until I was 17, and thinking that I was the only one and it was shameful. From what I can tell of your posts (and the fact Aphie thinks you’re great – and she’s a great mum) you’re a good mother. So I suggest not fretting so much about this and carry on doing what your doing now. A relaxed mum makes a more relaxed child, right?

But, if you’re not already, then I suggest getting your boychick to meet other people with the same condition, ideally slightly older than him, and keep that contact as he grows up. So he has someone to share these experiences with, so he knows he’s not alone. And so if something new is happening, he can find out what its like from someone who has been through it.

That’s my view. I hope it helps.

By: Turtle

Turtle — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 04:14:35 +0000

Oh I haven’t got any answers!
Just wanted to offer some solidarity, as we go through a similar thing with my son.
He has to have regular sputum tests, where they stick a suction tube down his throat to make him cough and suck up sputum from his lungs. He has blood draws too but is okay with that. But he HATES the sputum tests. We’ve done lots of things I’m not proud of – holding him down, tricking him into opening his mouth, bribes. It is just awful. But I actually have to admit to being a little bit proud of him, how much he stands up for himself, refuses to give in to bribes or fall for tricks.
The last time was much easier, as he knew what was happening and seemed to accept that there was nothing he could do, so he co-operated to get it over and done with quicker. And he knew there was an ice-cream at the end of it.
So it was easier, but I still felt awful because he was obviously so sad about it, and I didn’t like the resignation, his loss of spirit.
As he is getting older, I try to be really honest with him about it, explaining what’s happening and what it’s for, offering empathy. It helps a bit. I hope that at least we can maintain trust in our relationship. Even if sometimes bad things have to happen.
But I don’t think there’s a perfect mutually agreeable solution. No such thing as perfect parenting.
Thanks for sharing that. It helps to hear others go through similar things!

By: Darcel - The Mahogany Way

Darcel - The Mahogany Way — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 21:36:30 +0000

Nothing else I can say that hasn’t already been said.
I remember having to take my oldest in when she was just over a year, and almost until she was two. She had to get blood drawn for lead levels, they were high. First it was the finger prick, and she didn’t like it, but she tolerated it. Next came drawing blood from her arm, that was horrible.
She knew whenever we went in to the hospital what was coming. She didn’t care that she got a sticker and sucker afterward. I did the best I could, and that was to hold her while she screamed, let her know I was there, and it had to be done. We had to make sure she was healthy.

By: Kenzie

Kenzie — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 16:37:59 +0000

Oh dear, that sounds hard for everyone. My immediate thought was that it’s really not that hard to get blood out of another person. What I meant is, it’s not a really complicated skill. And how much blood do they need? Perhaps it would be possible to investigate doing this yourself at home, perhaps while he is sleeping or something.

Or perhaps if it was done at home, it wouldn’t need to be done while he was sleeping.

Where I live, in British Columbia, Canada, I have a friend who has a severe needle anxiety (among other severe anxiety issues that he lives with). As a result, when he needs to give a blood sample, a public health nurse comes to his house, takes his blood, and sits with him for an hour to make sure he’s okay. He has no problems with it done in this scenario. Maybe there are other alternatives, like this, to going into a clinic?

By: the Grumbles

the Grumbles — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 15:36:51 +0000

You’ve gotten some sound advice above. I’d echo some of it to say, that it has to be done, and it totally sucks. The best you can do is talk to him about it. Talk talk talk. Be open about your feelings and his. And as he gets a little older help him understand WHY you had to make him do it and how hard it is for him and for you. Opening his lines of communication about his feelings will help him channel any negative reactions he is having and keep him feeling good about your choices.

By: Reply-turned-post: teaching patience « Raising My Boychick

Reply-turned-post: teaching patience « Raising My Boychick — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 07:03:04 +0000

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