One: The first of May is Blog Against Disablism Day, and although I really meant to participate again this year, I’m operating on about four hours’ sleep, and instead of blogging about ableism/disablism, I’m thinking I might actually take care of my own disabilities and go to bed (sort of) on time. Shocking, I know. But go read the other excellent BADD posts.
Two: The week-long Carnival of Gentle Discipline is over, and it’s been fabulous. But the fun isn’t yet over: no ma’am, because from now through next Friday (7 May 2010), you can vote over at Baby Dust Diaries for your favorite original Carnival post. The winner gets a $25 gift certificate to Wild Mother Arts at Etsy. Do read all the entries, and vote for your favorite — and I promise I won’t be even slightly disappointed if that’s not me, because the competition is quite outstanding, and I’m proud to have been among them all.
And three: Elizabeth of the oft-dormant Elizabeth’s Little Blog introduced me to Kelly Hogaboom, who also writes Underbellie, and I think — after less than an hour cruising around both sites (and there will be much more time spent there than that when I’ve had more than four hours’ sleep) — that I’m in love. Just… yeah. Read tollhouse helps (which reminded me strongly of We knocked on the neighbour’s door, only, y’know, better), and then read childbirth is natural / childbirth is danger danger!! or perhaps: if you’re a woman you suck, and you will know why.
Your turn: tell me three things from your own life of late. Good, bad, indifferent, ambivalent, whatever. Links optional. Consider this That Spot, you know, the one on your counter/table/banister/cat furniture where you drop all the stuff you’re sure is important but you don’t quite know where to put yet. We’ll help you sort through it. Or just ooo and ahh. Or commiserate. Whatever’s called for.
Hi! Glad you like what I write! B/c I like what you write too!
Kelly, I don’t know how I hadn’t read your blogs before, but I am kicking myself for having missed them thus far. But that’s what we have archives for, right?
I discovered Kelly recently too and am loving her sites! If you haven’t read this post yet, you MUST MUST MUST http://underbellie.com/culture/the-over-involved-momster-a-convenient-premise-to-continue-the-laydee-hatin/
Really can’t wait to check those links out. Thanks for sharing.
-I just had a nanny job interview for a family so much like myself except better. I feel insecure that I won’t be cool enough for them and excited to be considered amongst them.
-my mother is stalking me on facebook. Everytime I comment or post a status or photo or talk to a friend there, she “likes” it and comments. This is the only communication we’ve had in months as I am trying hard to distance myself from her completely. Every time she does it I feel like I’m being tied up by long invisible strings.
-I’m sick of my partner and his grovelling for his mamma
MammaP 1) Ohhh, that insecurity thing sucks. I feel that way myself so often. I don’t really have any good ways to handle it, except to think of the insecurity like a needy neighbour kid: give them a hug, and then tell them to go play outside because I have work to do right now. I can feel compassion for my insecurity without needing to try to fix it; I’m not going to allow it to stop me from doing my own work, however.
2) Stalking is never good, whether by a lurking stranger or (more likely) by a family member. Isn’t there some way to hide your updates from someone without the drama of “de-friending” them?
3) *hugs*
Three things:
1) We’re living in Berlin and we love it!
2) I’m now a SAHM and it is exhausting.
3) I’m disappointed that we missed the amazing MyFest today because we got scared off by threat of violent riots (which did occur in other places and are still expected this evening between our home and the MyFest grounds).
Annie: 1) Ohhhh, I’m kinda jealous. My mom lived in Berlin for a while as a kid, but I’ve never been to Germany at all. Of course, I also can’t speak the language (beyond counting to ten and saying “I love you”), much to my dismay.
2) Yes. Yes it is. (Although I will grant it must be more so in a small not-yours apartment in an unfamiliar city!)
3) That is really disappointing. What did you all do today instead?
We went to the Spandau Zitadelle instead. It was okay. The kids had a fun time. But live music and an anti-racism focus beats the pants off of that any time it doesn’t come with violent riots.
Oops – meant to leave a link to the Spandau Zitadelle so you would have some idea what I’m talking about: http://www.zitadelle-spandau.de/
Good: I just came from a very fun, very beautiful wedding of two female friends of mine. Bad: I think I got too much sun, despite sunscreen and a hat. Indifferent: There’s always more work from my job to do at home.
Off topic comment: I read what my daughter posts, I often Like what she posts on Facebook, and I don’t feel like a stalker. I hope she doesn’t see me as such.
Johanna: Yay for weddings! Boo for too much sun! And yeah, there is always more work.
I think whether something like that comes across as caring or stalking depends so much on the history and relationship between the people. So my feeling is you’re fine…
All 3 of mine come from the experience of having my partner, a SAHD, pass a kidney stone late last week.
1. After having a taste of single working motherhood, I have a renewed appreciation and admiration of real, full time single working mothers.
2. My son was in the full care of someone other than myself or my partner for the first time – once with his mother and a couple times with mine (who came into town on short notice due to the situation), and he was ok.
3. After 3 days of having 3-4 hours of sleep per night, I am fairly close to nonfunctional on many levels, but I can still manage to function for the most important things.
Shana: Ugh, kidney stones are no fun. (Fortunately, I know this only second and third hand.)
1. A lot of my friends growing up were kids of single moms, so I’ve always had tons of respect for them in general, and not a lot of illusions. 2. The Boychick’s never been in full-time care with anyone else, but even “just” the first time he stayed with anyone even for a short time, it was very weird for us. But he, too, was perfectly OK.
3. Yay for still being able to function for the most important things. Last time I did that, I went off the deep end — not psychotic, but not that far from it, either, lots of racing thoughts, mood swings up the wazoo, etc. Hope you get more sleep soon!
1) I have just started my comprehensive exams and am TERRIFIED that I won’t be disciplined enough with my studying and that I will fail out of grad school.
2) Part of me wants to fail out anyway because I’ve finally come to the realization that deep in my heart and in the pit of my gut, I don’t belong in the ivory towers of academia and that despite my continued protests that I don’t know where I want to work when I’ve finished my degree (my way of cautiously not committing to the tenure-track), I’ve been slowly and unknowingly drawn deeper and deeper into that world over the years to the point where I now feel somewhat claustrophobic and not at all myself. In short, I have realized that I am a square peg being slowly ground down into a very round hole and hate that I’m losing the edges and corners that make me me.
3) I am more thankful than ever for people like you who share their thoughts and lives online and remind me that it’s okay not to want a cookie-cutter house in the suburbs and disney-esque family life!
Prudence_Dear: What is it that you’re in grad school for? Whatever it is, most hearty good luck on your exams. I somehow suspect you won’t end up flunking out, but I’m quite familiar with that fear.
Part of me lusts after the academic life, but I also think part of that (for me) is that as much as I stay in school (college, grad school, more grad school…), I don’t have to do “real life”. That is, I LOVE studying, learning, doing school, but when it comes to the stuff that comes after I get terrified.
This may be part of why I’ve so far sabotaged myself every time I’ve attempted school. (Well, this time with massage school seems to be doing ok so far.)
As for your 3, you are very welcome, but it does make me laugh, because I so often feel like all I’m doing is living that family life in the not-quite-suburbs. But I think that’s more my angst than anything real. It’s the inferiority complex, in which I see only all the “cool” things other people are doing, and only the “boring” (or “bad”, or mundane, or expected, or kyriarchal, or whatever) things about my own life. But I also sometimes worry that it’s because I’ve allowed myself to be ground down as you feel you’ve been. I don’t know where the truth lies, because I know both do happen with great regularity.
I’m doing a joint degree in sociology and leisure studies with a primary focus on education and schooling. My main interest is in alternative forms of education and exploring dominant ideas about how children learn and grow (and, to be honest, challenging a lot of these ideas).
I initially went into grad school for my MA because I didn’t really want to “grow up” and a big part of what’s keeping me there now is the funding and the fact that it allows me to do all sorts of other stuff on the side of my school work which I couldn’t do if I had a 9-5 job. What I’ve come to realize, though, is that I don’t think I’ll ever “grow up” and have a “real job” – I could but I don’t think I’m wired for the traditional career-path professions (my dream job is to be part of a free-school and the idea of a doctorate helping with that dream is the other half of the why-I’m-staying-in-grad-school equation).
My favourite thing about grad school so far is that it’s changed my mind, my perspective on the world and how I approach knowledge. Although I started out relatively open and critical about dominant ideas, it’s taught me to question things even more, to be more open to other people’s perspectives and to challenge my own ideas on a deeper level – I think this is what research should always do but more often then not, it does the opposite by simply reinforcing what we already ‘know’ and dismissing anything that challenges those perspectives (i.e. ignoring marginalized voices, valuing certain types of ‘proof’ over other ways of knowing, reinforcing traditional opinions etc…).
LOL, that’s exactly what I do. I ignore all the ways in which I celebrate and follow my own path and focus on all the ways in which I don’t (and sometimes I dwell on it so much I want to run away, dye my hair purple and cover myself with tattoos just so people will know I’m not ‘like them’ – childish, petty and ridiculous, I know!). But don’t worry, I’ve read a fair amount of your blog and you are in no danger of becoming June Cleaver any time soon!
I have read a lot about parenting, family and children over the years and, trust me, your honest discussion of what is really going on behind traditional parenting practices is a breath of fresh air. We all get pushed around and ground down by various forces but from what I can tell, you’re still here and you’re still fighting the good fight for children and anyone else marginalized and invalidated by the kyriarchy and that’s what really matters, isn’t it?
Peace and love!
-my youngest child just started walking! She is very happy with herself
-I started a local unschool group earlier this year that meets in person weekly & it is a total success. We have met some other awesome families and have a heap of fun
-I’m flying up to see my parents in a couple of weeks-my husband has to work. That means I’m going on a plane with a 5yo, a 2 1/2 yo and a 14 month old, by myself! Eeeeek!
Shae: Yay for walking! Of course she’s proud of herself. And yay for successful unschooling groups! You’ve every right to be proud too.
And holy heck for flying by yourself with kidS! I’d be afraid to even attempt it with one. Flying with two adults and one 18mo was hard enough!
1) I started a new blog project and am feeling all kinds of excited an insecure about it…
2) I am feeling slightly crazy with three sick kids this weekend and am hoping that they will be better by tomorrow so we can get back to (our) normal.
3) I am super, super looking forward to, and also really unsettled by the thought of, flying across the country to see my sister graduate from PA school. I am going all. by. myself. I have never been gone that long…
Brenna: 1) Yay for new blog projects!
2) Boo for three sick kids! That’s awful. I too hope they’re better by tomorrow!
3) Wow, trips with NO kids — that’s another thing I’m afraid to do! (…we don’t travel much ;) )
- I think I have the ability to be a decent writer but lately I’m suffering from a tremendous fear of suckitude. This fear is eating into my motivation to finish an essay before a deadline.
- Tonight I will be watching the DVR’d episode 3 of the latest season of Doctor Who. I wouldn’t mind being a companion but I’d hate to end up like Martha Jones, stuck for months as a maid when the Doctor lost his memory and thought he was John Smith. Time travel is for the privileged.
- My 9 mo old son was yelling at his teddy bear this afternoon. I’m not sure if he thought it would talk back or if he hadn’t realized yet that he has to press a button if he wants it to play “Rock-a-bye Baby.”
NavelgazingBajan: 1) Oh gods I hate hate hate that immobilizing fear. I can’t count how many opportunities I’ve lost to it. My advice (which I have to repeat to myself, loudly and often) is to say “fuck it” to the fear, and just do it. Turning in something bad is almost never worse than not doing anything — and risking that is the only way to turn in something good, and it’s FAR more likely that you’ll write something good! Even if it’s not perfect. Pat the fear on the head, send it outside to play, and then just do it.
(I’m, ah, not that great at, y’know, following this advice, but I owe pretty much every post on this blog to times I have been able to do it.)
2) There’s so much I could go into about privilege and the Doctor, and especially being a companion. Someone tweeted yesterday that (SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5 EP 5 LOOK AWAY NOW) everyone who travels with the Doctor is “the most important person in the universe” — except Martha. (And it’s not that she wasn’t important — she walked the world for him, for the universe! — it’s that he never said so. And she’s been — correct me if I’m wrong — the only major nonwhite companion [Mickey doesn't count!]. Which, given the culture we live in, I cannot find to be a coincidence.)
3) Awww, cute. I miss nine months old.
Three things in my life?
1) I’m trying to think of a gentle way to get my son to stop biting. I think he got my husband 5 times today. The whole looking stern and saying firmly “No, that hurts Daddy,” isn’t working so much.
2) I am incredibly excited for my trip to Houston for the NMF conf. this summer. I LOVE working with teenagers!
3) I am also completely terrified of giving birth, even though it’s months and months away. I think it’s b/c of the emphasis the doctors put on a TRIAL of VBAC, you know?
MarfMom — 1) I wish I had answers for you. The Boychick has done a fair amount we don’t like, but biting was never one of this things. The most effective strategies I’ve found have been stopping the behavior before it happens (which involves learning triggers and avoiding environments in which it’s more likely), and offering redirection/alternatives. Neither of which are particularly easy. My sympathies.
2) Yay! I’m excited you’re excited.
3) *hugs* The “trial” of VBAC thing slays me. :( I’d encourage you to contact ICAN if you haven’t yet, and read bunches of positive VBAC stories, if they’re applicable to your situation. May you have a birth you can daydream about afterward, whether or not it’s the birth of your dreams.
“May you have a birth you can daydream about afterward, whether or not it’s the birth of your dreams.”
I love that line. Thank you. I’m going to remember it.
Good: I met some twitter friends the other night, and they were fabulous. They’re all fat acceptance people, and I had a lovely feeling when I was getting ready to go out, because I realised it was the first time in forever that I’d met new people and not assumed they would think I looked terrible because I’m fat.
Bad: A friend left a comment on my blog which deeply upset me. And I don’t know what to do about that.
Indifferent: I keep feeling as though my life is a total mess and I just regularly reshuffle the top layers to keep it running along, but ultimately none of the big stuff gets done and the big decisions are always put off. I don’t even know if this is a bad thing, because I think it’s a very normal thing, especially for parents. But, meh. Sometimes it’s stressful.
OMG. Did Raising my Boychick just link to my blog? This now exceeds the time Susie Bright once linked to me. Sweeet :) oh and I wish so much I was not oft dormant. Ugg. I hope someday to pick things up over there! Until then I am just pleased as punch to read so many other amazing blogs. Keep up the inspring work! Muchas gracias! E