Comments on: Reply-turned-post: teaching patience

By: Say Something Good « Raising My Boychick

Say Something Good « Raising My Boychick — Tue, 11 May 2010 22:51:03 +0000

[...] Reply-turned-post: teaching patience [...]

By: Carnival of Gentle Discipline Wrap Up

Carnival of Gentle Discipline Wrap Up — Sat, 01 May 2010 12:03:29 +0000

[...] Teaching Patience [...]

By: Nicole

Nicole — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 14:43:52 +0000

Hi Arwyn! What a lovely post. I’m not a mom but work with lots of little ones at a local nature center, teaching classes and guiding nature walks and such. I like all of your ideas, but sometimes I find that the total opposite works too. When I run a 2 hour class and a child wants to throw a tantrum, often I just won’t let them. Instead of redirecting their attention, I often explain that it’s not okay to behave the way that they are currently behaving (in the context of a classroom, i.e. focusing everyone’s attention on them and their needs) and make them sit out for a while until they’ve calmed down. Certainly this isn’t the only way, but I remember growing up, no one stopped when I was having a tantrum to distract my attention – I was told to stop, and I was expected to behave because that was what people did. I’m probably explaining this very poorly, but we have lots of wealthy people come through the Nature Center and many of them are homeschooling parents. I’m all for homeschooling, but many of these children are indirectly being taught that everything they have to say it of the utmost importance – I have to disagree. I think kids spend too much time talking instead of listening, and trying to do something instead of observing. As a naturalist, I make it a point to encourage my kids to spend time being quiet and observant. Although a 4 year old is not a 14 year old, I don’t see the problem in expecting a higher level of behavior. Maybe the way I grew up isn’t the norm, but I was never pandered to (my mother worked full time on her own and just plain didn’t have the energy or time), and so (I think) I was always a little bit ahead of the game from my peers. That could have a lot to do with being an only child too, though. Anyway – does that make any sense? I just see a lot of parents catering to their child’s every whim, and the kids end up spoiled and unable to sit quietly during a simple activity during a class. I’ve made multiple kids cry (by accident, of course) simply by explaining that it isn’t the time for stories and they have to be quiet while we’re doing a focused activity. What’s the balance, I wonder?

By: Lauren @ Hobo Mama

Lauren @ Hobo Mama — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 08:33:33 +0000

HALT TOT! Will take that. I definitely need it for myself. Ever since reading various Carnival of Natural Parenting posts, including the one you referenced and CurlyMonkey's, too, for instance, I've been thinking a lot about how I don't always deal well with negative emotions in others (seen now particularly with my parenting) and how much I need to work on that. Your paragraph about negative emotions being OK and learning to accept them in myself and my child — maybe if I hear it enough times, it will sink in and I'll begin to change. Here's hoping! P.S. I'm visiting from Rachel's Ramblings because I'm sooo behind in my reading and she was kind enough to select some posts for me to focus on. Ha ha!

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 23:21:51 +0000

Thank you! (Really, I have nothing else to say, I’m just sitting here blushing with a big silly grin on my face. Thank you.)

By: Madeleine

Madeleine — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 22:58:36 +0000

I really really love your writing.You put into words and provide links to ideas that I can’t articulate.You make me think and I even get to feel a teeny tiny bit smarter when I read your blog and discover new concepts(kyriarchy!).You make it all a little less lonely(and that’s why I’ve always been such a reader ,after all)for a young,new mom.Thanks!

By: keepingmumsane @ what I don't say

keepingmumsane @ what I don't say — Mon, 19 Apr 2010 08:09:15 +0000

Thank you. I love HALTTT.

I find the whinging of my son who Is struggling to wait incredibly anxiety inducing but I have starting singing a song that my husband taught me. All it is, is ‘be patient, be patient, don’t be in such a hurry, when you get impatient I really start to worry’. I can’t remember the orignial tune it’s based on. I’ve found it works quite well as N enjoys my singing (he’s the only one), sining encourages me to calm, and the words remind me of what I need to do.

By: Leah

Leah — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 12:39:40 +0000

LOVE it!! It’s going on my refrigerator. N is in ultra almost 3 year old mode, and I NEED the reminder :oP

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 10:25:25 +0000

I have it! When your child (or self!) is freaking out, think HALT TOT: is zie Hungry Angry Lonely Tired Thirsty Overstimulated or in need of a Toilet? :D

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 02:25:24 +0000

Leah: I can’t take credit for HALTTT — it was originally HALT, from the 12-step tradition, and then my mom (to my knowledge) added Thirsty and Toilet. I want to figure out a way to add Overstimulated to it, but then it’s not such a simple acronym anymore.

I’ve gotten recommendations for that book before, but haven’t had a chance to check it out yet. Thanks for bringing it up again.