Questions do arise, though. Would they have sent this to a single father? I don’t know if they would or not. IF they were to send it to any parent who is coming with a child and without another possible caregiver, then I don’t think it’s in any way sexist. If they wouldn’t have thought of sending it to a male, however, then there is definitely sexism at play. We have no way of knowing which it is, though.

As for the perception that the 13 year old requires full time care, I think that depends upon what “satisfactory proof of childcare arrangements” means to them, as well as looking at the legal requirements of that country. If that particular country legally requires child care up to a certain age, then it’s essential that any participants follow that law while they are living there, even if it is temporary. We don’t know what the Institute’s response would have been to the mom saying “My child doesn’t need full time care.” If they would have been satisfied with that answer, then there isn’t a judgement about the ability of a 13 year old to take care of him/herself at all. If my assumption is correct that the Institute is just trying to make sure that all participants who are bringing kids don’t back out at the last minute due to lack of child care arrangements, then it probably has nothing to do with their opinion of the child’s age at all. It also has little, if anything, to do with their opinion of the parent’s ability to know what their child needs or to provide appropriate care. I don’t think it’s anything that the Institute would have thought about UNTIL they got burned by it and now they are making sure things don’t go wrong because child care falls through or isn’t arranged.

I think it would be better to approach it differently and I’d made suggestions if I were part of the institute. For instance, I’d want to have a list of reputable child care providers available for anyone (male, female, couples, etc.) who would be bringing children to make it easier for them to arrange that care long distance. I’d allow far longer than 12 hours for the parents to “provide proof”…in fact, I’d probably let them know upfront that they had until a specific date to arrange child care or inform the Institute that child care would not be required.

As for the main focus of this blog, I agree that most 13 year olds were completely able to take care of themselves and babysit when I was a kid. I was babysitting at 12 and I had an overprotective mother, so I was even a little late to start. Once I turned 12, my brother and I never had a babysitter again since I was “in charge” (not that he would have listened to me.) I find it extremely frustrating that my students (ages 11-14) aren’t allowed to walk home from school because it’s too dangerous according to their parents. I’m annoyed that kids never have to deal with “natural consequences” of their actions because they are so coddled (like the kids who “forget” to bring lunch a few times a week and have parents dropping McDonalds off for them instead because it’s fast and easy.)

Regarding the differences between teens and adults, though, I do have to disagree a bit. The brain isn’t finished maturing until the early twenties and the parts that are last to develop help to control impulsiveness. Teens are also at a stage of development in which the expectations of their peers are very strong. For these reasons, teens can often make poor choices that adults are less likely to make (not that adults don’t make tons of mistakes, because they do). Some mistakes are likely to have a bigger impact on teens than they are on adults, too (for example, an unplanned pregnancy is usually less troublesome for a 30 year old than for a 15 year old.)

More specific to this situation, even a child who is fully capable of taking care of him/herself at home in a familiar area may require child care in a foreign country. Getting around could be a problem, language could be a barrier to independence, not knowing anyone there or having anyone to just hang out with could prove depressing for the child, currency exchange could be difficult to understand. There are lots of reasons why a 13 year old could need full time care in this specific situation.

I think back to my teenage hood and one of the main feelings that stands out is frustration. I always felt held back and limited.

Between these two experiences I have decided to mindfully support my children to be very independent all the while feeling 100 % supported, safe and loved.

Great points and an important conversation.

Some things are requirements: kid can not drive self. Probably cannot buy food or pay bills. Location may not have good enough public transit. Can the kid cook own meals? Healthy ones? Get to and from school by self? Be relied to get to bed on time and up for school etc? And lots of other variables determine what is required. Which the parent would know best.

12 hours warning, and not trusting a college professor to have made suitable arrangements, is downright ridiculous. At that age I took care of self and sister daily, but for a month of parental absence we needed and wanted reliable adult care.

Our arrangement was to live in caretakers house for long parental absences. Not the only suitable arrangement, but a good one.

Requiring full-time childcare? Puh-leese!

I have a one year old and we live in Chicago. My goal is, by the time he’s eleven, have him able to take public transit anywhere he wants to go. This hinges on his personality, emotional level and capability, etc, of course. But I really hate this trend of “people under the age of 25 are practically larvae and need to be protected and coddled from all things, including themselves” that’s going on.

THANK YOU. :)