Comments on: NPFP Guest Post: When “Gifted” Isn’t a Gift

By: Sister Shelby Hellbound

Sister Shelby Hellbound — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 20:51:19 +0000

I understand this article ALL TOO WELL. I have always felt my gifted-ness was a curse in every way possible…from a young age, relating to my peers and family into adulthood with the jobs I’ve had. I def. think there is a link from gifted-ness to childhood depression and hope it gets studied more.

By: Paperclippe

Paperclippe — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 09:30:47 +0000

I, too, am gifted (Linda, who said this felt like a ‘GA’ meeting? You’re on to something there). I don’t really have much to add to the conversation, other than to say I wasn’t really embarrassed or teased for being in the gifted program (perhaps envied for getting out of half of my classes three days a week to build aliens out of cardboard) until the end of my senior year of high school. It was during homeroom and I was handed a paper announcing that I needed parental permission to graduate high school because I was in ’special education’. It was nothing more than a formality due to do poor labeling and an outdated system, but as I folded the paper back up I was a little bit crushed, perhaps because it was the system calling me ‘different’ or maybe because, on the cusp of moving out, leading my own life, I still needed parental permission for the one event that was going to make me more of an adult than I’d ever been before (nothing against my parents, but I’m stubborn and strong-willed). It makes me anxious and sad to this day.

By: Linda Wilt

Linda Wilt — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 01:37:12 +0000

I was gifted, am gifted. Bizarre how I feel like I’m standing up at a “Gifteds Anonymous” meeting, like there’s something wrong with it. I am getting my master’s degree in gifted education, and wrote a paper last summer on the social implications for gifted girls, for whom it is classic to hide one’s self to fit in with the less complex general public. As a result, I have tentative plans to start a city-wide gifted girl social group, so that local gifted girls might have a place to hang out occasionally and get to know others of like mind. It can be a lonely and demoralizing business being a gifted girl, and you shouldn’t have to go to an ivy league school just to find other people like yourself.

By: Alex Bradstreet

Alex Bradstreet — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 22:49:21 +0000

Great article and responses. I skipped three grades (2nd, 4th and 6th) but was forced to repeat 8th grade even though I had successfully finished the classwork in my 7th grade year. I blame that one on my parents, who I guess had no clue. So I only say I skipped two grades and then grumble and get all cynical for the evening when I tell that story. Four of us were moved from 6th to 7th grade, and that’s when the bullying became unavoidable – some of the kids were three years older than us.

When I re-did the 8th grade, the bullies were gone but I had no motivation to do well. A friend of mine and I got permission to start spending recess time inside to do chemistry experiments, and that helped me get through the year. So I entered High School demotivated but insanely curious, with confidence that I could do anything, but mistrust for authority. Skipping grades can give you overconfidence, so I did struggle for a few months while I adjusted, but my grades rose and stayed up. That mix of wariness and optimism have continued through college and into my career.

Being gifted is great, but it can be lonely. It has helped that I met and married a woman who is gifted in many ways and who is nurturing our wonderful kids through the joys of unschooling.

By: Green-Eyed Girl

Green-Eyed Girl — Thu, 18 Mar 2010 14:50:59 +0000

As a gifted unschooler I can relate to the points made in this post. Even though I don’t have to deal with bullies or unfair assumptions, sometimes things are harder for me. Finding friends is something that’s harder. Though I have three good friends now, most of the time I don’t relate at all to kids my age. I like to hang out with older kids, but sometimes they don’t give me a chance because I’m younger than them. It gets frustrating.
Well anyway, I really like this post.

- Just another unschooling teen

By: Spookygirl

Spookygirl — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 04:39:59 +0000

AMEN! As a child who was labeled as gifted, I am against ANY labeling, positive or negative. I hated that I would turn in a paper that any other kid would have gotten an A on, but because I was “gifted” I only got a C. I was so burnt out on school by 9th grade, my parents and teachers ended up basically bribing me to stay in school till 12th grade. Such a sad waste of what could have been a bright kid’s future..

By: Summer

Summer — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 04:02:10 +0000

Yes, yes, yes. I got stuck with the “gifted label” in school, complete with the special classes and field trips and computer camp. I tried failing tests on purpose, but the teachers assumed I caught someone copying and answered wrong to make them fail.

I hated it. The other kids hated me, the teachers expected perfection every day, and I felt more like a brain than a kid. When I moved to another school I did everything I could to dumb myself down.

By: JohannaMM

JohannaMM — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 08:00:34 +0000

This post and responses have really spoken to me. I was a gifted child, but I also had itinerant parents, and mostly landed in small schools without special programs. Usually K-12 was in the same building, and I got permission to go to the high school library as the most productive thing the teachers could do for me. I had no opportunity for gifted or AP classes. The HS school board would discuss what to do with me and 1 other smart girl. I read voraciously, as the best opportunity to spend time with my peers (the fascinating people in the books). I wish I had been encouraged to be active in sports: instead my parents encouraged me to only do what I was good at, and sports was definitely not it.

My kids (and now grandkids) got a double-whammy: they were tall and gifted. Everyone seems to expect mature behavior out of them. I made it a point to tell folks how young they were, because that’s where they were emotionally and socially.

Thanks for writing this.

By: killjoy

killjoy — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 22:04:49 +0000

Having attended a very harsh private school for gifted kids from the ages of 11 through 14, I have to say the answer isn’t necessarily there either. They piled on the more-of-the-same homework, hours and hours of it. The punishment for failure, misunderstanding, or forgetfulness was intense public humiliation from teachers and students, simultaneously. I’d categorize several of the dressing-downs I got (for such offenses as daydreaming) as verbal abuse. At 12 I was gifted, learning disabled, and almost suicidally depressed. There was no recognition of, and certainly no support for, the second two, because if you’re gifted, you should be above such things.

Indeed there were a whole bunch of assumptions I had to deal with or live up to:

- If you really are gifted, you’ll be good at every subject you study.
- If you really are gifted, you’ll recognize that typical adolescent social concerns (appearance, sexuality, popularity, dating) are frivolous and be happy to ignore them in favour of schoolwork.
- If you really are gifted, you’ll always study what’s assigned, not what you find interesting.
- If you really are gifted, you’ll be naturally good at organization and time management.
- If you are NOT really gifted, educating you at a first-rate institution like this one would be a waste.

I did much better in a school for more “average” adolescents, despite the slightly increased social isolation.

By: Lisa C

Lisa C — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 22:14:36 +0000

I was never labeled as gifted but my teachers knew I was smart and complained that I wasn’t reaching my potential, or else praising my perfect work. I loved answering questions and learned to back off to give other kids a chance to answer. But luckily I didn’t receive too much criticism. Students asked me for help, which made me feel valuable. Still, I did have a hard time finding a group to fit in with. Anyway, I just don’t like how schools often don’t fit the needs of the children and hope to avoid that whole scenario with my kid. All children, regardless of whether they are gifted, average, or challenged, need individual attention in their schooling.