A parenting blog? A social justice blog? A personal blog? Something else entirely?
All of the above?
I ask because this lovely post over at the clever Better Baby Box (read her post Suicide is Painful. seriously.) got me thinking, especially in the light of recent hubbub (in North America at least) over “mommy bloggers” and my own recent mullings over this blog and its structure (or lack thereof).
She writes:
Raising My Boychick, written by Arwyn, does deal with some parenting issues. In reality, though, it’s a blog about society, gender, asking questions and occasional geekiness (Dr. Who, anyone?) My kind of blog. Some of her posts have opened up entire avenues from which to view the world.
And, really, while I never would have said that about what I write myself (my stock answer to “oh? what’s your blog about then?” is either the tagline1 or simply “feminist parenting”), it does seem apt.
Last August, Annie at PhD in Parenting put me in the mommy blogger category of “Social commentary inspired by parenting“, which sounds about right to me, too.
Then a dear friend, when I asked her whether she thought mine was a parenting blog, said this:
you are a blogger who happens to be a mom. you are an incredible writer who makes people dream things they’ve never even thought possible. you are a woman who writes about what she sees in her society, in her world. some of it is great, some of it is major suckage, some of it has to do with parenting, all of it has to do with being human.
Which stroked my ego not a little, but also says some things that ring true to me as well.
But none of that is what I would have said. So am I wrong? Are they? Or is this blog too all over the place — or, to be more charitable (or more egotistical), too broad and complex in scope — to be limited to one short description?
What do you say? What sort of blog is this, anyway? How would you describe it in three words, or one paragraph, or 140 characters, or whatever it takes? (How long does it take to describe RMB, and what does that say about here?)
Indulge my introspection2.
- “Feminist thoughts inspired by parenting a presumably-straight white male.” ↩
- This is not a plea for further ego-stroking, however; rather, I hope it to be an opener for conversation about categorization and labels and boxes and the difference between self-definition and outside description. Plus I’m outrageously curious to hear what y’all’ll say. ↩
A blog that makes me think written by a woman who makes me laugh AND think.
Hmmm. I think I’d be more likely to use the shorthand ‘feminist blog’ than ‘mommy blog’ for RMB. I don’t know if that says more about your blog, or about what ‘mommy blog’ has come to mean. You are a mother and you write about mothering and lots of mothering issues, so I really think that you *should* be able to wear the ‘mommy blogger’ label and I think really we should all wear that with pride to spite the haters. It’s just too loaded, though. This blog is kyriarchy-kicking, frank, outspoken, eclectic and political. Just like you, and a lot of other mothers, some of whom happen to blog. (Not that you would know it, given how invisible we are in mainstream media.)
For my blog, I really like PhD in Parenting’s label ‘social commentary inspired by parenting’. Because at the crux of it, that is what my blog is (aside from the posts that are purely introspective or ranty or have nothing to do with, you know, parenting.) And yeah, I think it really fits your work too.
“I don’t know if that says more about your blog, or about what ‘mommy blog’ has come to mean.”
Yes, that. And I’m conflicted on whether I want to try to reclaim “mommy blog” or not — on the yes side is my innate contrariness and a desire to take back anything kyriarchy tries to deny me, but on the no side is that I’ve never liked that word (except for my own mom), and never wanted to BE “a mommy”, and am rather off-put by the culture (in which I am thoroughly enmeshed and to which community I owe much, including all of my in-person friends) of being a mommy/mama primarily, and putting that in the name of everything we do online.
But I don’t know how much of that is a holdover from my rejection of pink, how much legit critique, and how much simply my own preference.
This shit’s complicated.
I think most blogs are hard to categorize, at least if they are written for the love of blog, instead of for the love of cash.
We tend to venture out in the domains we are passionate about and if you are in fact a real person, then you are not squeezable into one box. I think instead of boxes we should try to see it as pools of interest Some pools are connected bu streams or tiny creeks, some flow into the ocean. Some are just tiny puddles, unconnected.
Hm no idea where that came from. Let’s say there are two big categories of blogs: the ones I like and the ones I don’t LOL no, seriously, there are warm blogs and cold blogs. Cold blogs are those written as a job, to gain revenue or advertise… and warm ones are those with heart and spirit and passion.
Yours is definately the latter.
We, as humans, are continually evolving, and so do our interests. You might be a mommy now, but you will be menopausal later, and after that you will be a senior. Will you then be writing a retirement blog? Are you now a mommy blog? Anyhow, I don’t think you’re much of a mommy blog. more a live life thinking blog. Does that make sense.
I’m stopping here because I’m blabbering on and on and I think this isn’t going to end any time soon.
Sorry!
Part of the problem of being human is that it is impossible to think without categorizing, and to communicate much thought without using words, and to use words without categorizing. But categories are boxes with walls, and life does not fit within the walls we have to use when we categorize. Nevertheless we are forced to categorize.
Your blog is excellent writing and constantly illustrates your struggle with your human condition. As a mommy that is part of your blog. As someone aware of your own complex sexuality, that appears in your blog. So do interests like Dr Who. You named the blog after Boychick, so he appears. Note I just listed several categories the blog could be in. I just put it in ‘something I want to read’.
I read it for two reasons: wanting to keep up on your life, and because you are such an excellent writer.
As for whether others classify it as a mommy blog, try to let readers own that part of the puzzle. You own what posts here and what you call it so call it a mommy blog iff that is what you want to call it.
Love and (((((hug))))
BTW at one time there was talk of publishing material from your BLOG to a wider audience. Has that notion died, gone dormant, been killed or just not been mentioned recently?
When I was thinking of how to describe you, I thought about it as providing a comparative. If you like this (gender debate, geekiness, sociology) then you will probably like RMB. Categorization is so often used for hate (if you hate this, then look at THIS!) that I understand wanting none of it. It does limit the conversation, at times. It can also provide an entry. Oh titles. So complicated and so useful, yet so limiting.
I’m going to call it my kind of mommy blog. The reason that I say that is your right about your experiences and how you hope to change the world. I think that motherhood is a diverse experience to often we tend to just categorize it in this really simple format that involves surrender and no critical thought. If you want to know I read the answer is simple – I read for the complexity.
“I’m going to call it my kind of mommy blog.”
I really like that, Renee. Thank you.
I think I would go with feminist mothering blog, myself. Just because you are a mother, specifically. But your stock answer of feminist parenting works for me, too. :)
You are a talented writer and keen observer, with a particular point of view, who writes about what she sees. Since being a mother is currently an important part of your life, parenthood-blogging is part, but only a part, of what you do. (I proudly claim the name “Mommy” from Arwyn.)
It’s hard to own the title of “mommy.” We were told as feminists to head to the work place, that we could have it all and still be the mothers we wanted to be. There is a stigma that goes along with being a SAHM/WAHM and a fear of succumbing to the bob, minivan and school committees. Even though I blog about my life as a mother, it’s hard to admit that I’ve ‘given up’ my intellectual life as well to these beautiful creatures who are the center of my heart.
“it’s hard to admit that I’ve ‘given up’ my intellectual life as well”
Leah — Do you feel that is the case for you? I had some interesting discussions on Twitter today with those who did feel that was the case (which they weren’t happy about), but I don’t. I have to adjust my life and my pursuits because of the expansion of my family, but I’ve never felt like I gave up my intellect or that part of my life. Perhaps because I never had the out-of-home office job to start with? Or because I’ve made a concerted effort from the very beginning to continue outside pursuits and responsibilities, unpaid or no? (At the beginning, it was moderating on a large online discussion board, then I added massage school, then switched to from moderating to blogging, and within the year will start working at my new profession as well.)
I simply, and stubbornly, refuse to concede that having a child, even staying home with a child, means we have to give up other activities and other dreams as well, if we don’t wish to. It’s not easy, and there are a thousand ways kyriarchy makes it significantly harder, and I have heaps of privilege that help make it possible for me, but I’m determined to walk a third path, even as my society tells me it’s impossible.
Perhaps that’s why I reject the term “mommy blogger” — it seems to speak just to one of the two “allowable” options for women-with-children, a dichotomy I work to deconstruct and dismantle.
It’s not so much that I’ve given up my intellectual life, more that my identity as a mother has fully become a part of it. My children have laid claim to all of me, and that’s hard to admit sometimes. As you said, there seem to be only two socially acceptable and readily recognizable options in our popular culture for women with children – career or SAHM. When I straddle those two places, there’s an uncomfortable tug between the way I perceive myself and how the khriarchy tells me I am perceived.
Maybe that’s why we can’t embrace our media given title of ‘mommy blogger,’ though we were happy to do so when we were calling ourselves that. We have spent too long fighting those who are now giving us our title, and we don’t see ourselves fitting into the mold of the media’s Mommy with all of her stereotypical connotations. Not all mothers are the same, so how can the catch all term of “mommy blogger” apply to all of us? To parody the age old question, “Am I a mommy who blogs or a blogger who is a mommy?”
I’ve been working part time outside the home, as a cantorial soloist and teacher, since my soon to be 3 year old was born. It gives me time to be more than ‘just’ a mother. But that feeling of ‘just’, and the feeling of truth when I say being a mother is the most important thing that I do and is the true description of who I am, is the dichotomy that I struggle with.
p.s. Here’s a series of comics from Heather at “Mama is…” that expresses the conundrum in a laugh worthy manner: http://www.mama-is.com/wasting-my-life-in-conversation/
Thanks for sharing the comic, Leah, that is hilarious.
“Just a mother” is an ironic phrase given how exhausting and demanding mothering can be.
I saw the title and thought that somebody must have hijacked your account and asked such a silly question.
So, no, your blog is not a mommy blog because it doesn’t fit with those who, in my mind, are definitely mommy blogs (and the definition is subjective).
In Reader I your blog in the category “thought provoking.”
You could use corporate speak and say, “thought leader in examining complex issues surrounding [insert commonly used tags].” (buffing my nails–still haven’t lost the touch of writing utter puffery)
Rachel: I adore the image of you buffing your nails — you definitely still have it. Which I guess is a compliment. ;)
I did think about working this us as an April Fool’s post, but couldn’t quite bring myself to.
I do wonder — what is your (subjective) definition of a “mommy blog”?
I worried later that I used the wrong word–subjective or objective. Guess I didn’t.
When I read what I consider a mommy blog, I read a reporting of WHAT happened with cute pictures. Totally cool and fine.
But I really enjoy the blogs that dive into what’s underneath and talk about questions like “why” and “could it be different” and other good questions.
Almost 15 years later, I still miss college and the discussion of ideas as a daily part of life. I get some of that at work, but blogs like yours are an excellent source.
I’m falling asleep in bed so won’t write anything deep but I agree PhD in Parenting’s description. To me mo/ummy blog is ‘the kids and I did this today’, ‘i bought Jane a dinosour book today’ etc. I dont put myself in that category.
By your blog’s title you have put it out there that you are a mom and this is a mom blog. That could on its own draw in other moms who might think the title is catchy, wonder what it means, want to find out more, etc. Then, I think readers tick around because of the content you write, which is all the things mentioned in this post. Feminist parenting does sum it up but you don’t always talk about parenting, so the social issues and gender topics are a big part of the kind of blogger you are too. Just like I can’t stop posting vegetarian recipes on a breastfeeding blog, we are who we are.
First to answer the question of who is right when describing your blog, I think you all are. People who read your blog take what they want or need from what you write, whether or not that is the whole truth or not. Perspectives are skewed by their own biases.
I know blogs are supposedly supposed to be consistent and all, but we are all complex people and whether you think of your blog as having more to do with being a feminist first, or mom first, or activist first, it’s all you and that’s what is so great about it! No need to focus in on being easily categorized.
I also really don’t like “mommy” anything, but that’s just me…
three words? thoughtful, inspiring, real. but in truth, there is no way i could sum up my understanding of your blog in three words. there is simply too much to it, too much that it brings to life for me to be able to use only 3 (or 140) words. i’m glad you’re here, no matter what kind of blog it is. <3
In the time that I’ve been following this blog, I have read way more posts that have much less to do with being a mommy and way more posts pertaining to feminism and other other social issues. I also tend to favor “feminist blogger” but could certainly buy off on “feminist parenting blogger” or PhD in parenting’s description. (“My kind of mommy blog” works too, as does “totally addictive, I should be working but I must see if there’s a new post blog” :)
Shana — “totally addictive, I should be working but I must see if there’s a new post blog”
This had me grinning nonstop for hours. Thank you.
I sort of pulled my tag-line out of nowhere way back when, but I keep coming back to it because it seems to fit. What I write about is sometimes feminist parenting, but more I think it’s feminist thoughts inspired by parenting. My posts don’t always seem related to parenting, but they’re almost all inspired by this parenting gig, one way or another, if for no other reason than that having this kid in my life has made me focus on the sort of world this is, and the sort of world I want it to be, and what I can do to get it from here to there.
Of course, having this inspiration in my life also means that I’ve almost no time whatsoever to actually follow through on said thoughts…
“My posts don’t always seem related to parenting, but they’re almost all inspired by this parenting gig, one way or another, if for no other reason than that having this kid in my life has made me focus on the sort of world this is, and the sort of world I want it to be, and what I can do to get it from here to there.”
I <3 this. *Almost* as much as I adore you ;)
I also love that line. And I get it. I first started blogging basically to keep my out of town family informed as to what was going on in my kid’s life, so they would feel a little more connected. But then as I started realizing that blogging could be used as a forum for so much more, I was inspired to write more than the daily fluff. I still do write a lot of fluff, primarily because my readership consists almost solely of my mother and that’s what she wants to read, but sometimes she gets more than she bargained for.