By my second period, or maybe the first, I had cramps so bad that I couldn’t stand up. One day in grade 10 I had to get my Granny to pick me up from school because my tampon had leaked and the blood had soaked through my jeans. Of couse I told her I was sick, because I knew she didn’t like to talk abut those things.

My mom told me all about periods and reproduction when I was about 6, but she never hid anything. I don’t think she ever closed the bathroom door. I could read very well for my age, so I had read Our Bodies Ourselves cover to cover well before I hit puberty.

My mom did buy me a subscription to New Moon magazine and show me how to use a pad. She wanted to have a party, but I was an extremely shy child/teen and was mortified at the thought of a party for me.

Later in the evening, I showed my mother because I simply couldn’t believe it was possible. This bring up sad memories… because what I recall is that my mother’s face fell, and she said “You did get your period.” I was ecstatic though, and I told her so. “Well, you feel that way now,” she said, “but after awhile you’ll wish you didn’t have periods.”

Of course if that’s not a self-fulfilling prophecy . No one around me had ever really discussed menstruation, ever. It wasn’t an outright secret, it was just never mentioned and since it didn’t happen to me, I didn’t think about and didn’t manage to pick up on the negative attitudes everyone had until I ran into them head on.

I realized very quickly that adults weren’t *happy* I got my period, they were embarrassed! I was humiliated by their embarrassment, and so I learned that you don’t talk about it, ever, to anyone. Within one year, I went from being overjoyed that I was growing up to being unable to imagine anything more shameful than menstruation. I never thought that was right, but I couldn’t control my feelings. At my private school, it was barely even discussed among the girls, and only in serious-faced whispers.

And that’s what made it hard. It wasn’t so much the bleeding or the severe cramps I later developed, it was that I had to deal with that all on my own without talking about it anyone. I couldn’t tell anyone why I missed school (of course, my mom knew I wasn’t really “sick”). I couldn’t tell anyone why I couldn’t go swimming. I couldn’t ask anyone what to do because my tampon wouldn’t hold up a whole two class periods like I needed it to.I was completely alone as a disgusting icky female.

Reading over this now, I’m surprised I can say I don’t feel any of that shame anymore and will openly discuss periods with anyone. A huge amount of that is due to becoming a nurse, but it’s other things too. Maybe it’s the culture, maybe it’s the company I keep, or it’s that I’m an adult now, but people in general seem a whole lot more relaxed and open about the whole deal than just 15 years ago. And I really fought against those feelings of shame within me because I hated them and I hated where they came from — it wasn’t right. That’s not to say I never crumpled before them, but I’m proud to say that by the time I was legally an adult I was able to ask a male sales clerk for the right sized Diva cup! (yeah, I did have to work up some courage first).

I felt horrible hearing that because my periods were awful until I went on the pill at 19 – I would be in pain, feel like I needed to go to the bathroom constantly (such an annoying feeling, and you’re always rushing off to no avail), and feel just under the weather in a way that makes you lie around listlessly feeling like crap. Pain killers and other remedies (eg. hot water bottle) didn’t make a spot of difference, so eventually I just gave up on them. The first few hours of each period involved lots of pain of the kind you need to curl up and do nothing during, plus nausea, alternating fever and shivering, etc, before lessening. They were also irregular, from 2 weeks apart to 8 weeks, so I had to take spare knickers and pads around with me almost constantly.
So, basically, my dismay at getting my period seemed to have been quite well-founded.

We got told about periods at school, and given little booklets and samples – I had enough tampon samples to last a year, but unfortunately could never work out how exactly to get them in place. No one gave out pad samples for some reason. But I never knew that my experience was a possibility or what I should do about it, or that they might be irregular rather than exactly every 28 days, or that it would be so damn inconvenient. Also, they don’t tell you the best way to get blood out of clothing, which might be a useful wee tip for all women to know so you don’t have ruined knickers.

Anyway, when I finally got mine I was away at boarding school. My grandma (who prepped me for school), bless her heart, had bought a box of pads for me to pack. She wrapped them up in blue tissue paper and said they were “for when you start”. It seemed so quaint and embarassing at the time but looking back it’s quite sweet. I got mine before anyone else at school (I must have been 10) and I guess without that box I’d have been in quite a predicatment. My other grandma made me tell my mum (who was in London) over the phone. It was…awkward.

But mum actively encouraged me to use tampons and tried to describe how to use one, which I remember very fondly. I was never told not to use tampons, although some girls at school told me I wouldn’t “be a virgin anymore”. I was always a bit of an eyeroller towards that kind of nonsense.

Sorry, not only am I late to the party, I’ve also gone and left the longest comment ever.

At this point I’m kind of really into menstruation. I’m not finger painting with it or anything, but I do think it is just neato. Maybe I have that opinion because I have only menstruated five times in the past 2.5 years due to pregnancy/nursing.