My monthly menstrual musings may have misled many of my much-beloved readers. I was not always as forthright as I am now — to put it mildly — and my willingness to talk about menstruation here, and elsewhere online and other feminist-dominated spaces1, doesn’t mean I don’t (or rather, didn’t when it was applicable) buy menstrual products only along with a bunch of other groceries. (Or, ahem, send The Man out for them.)
And I’d love to tell you the story of my first period, my first years of periods really, of wadded up toilet paper and stains-upon-stains and clogging the toilet trying to flush super-size pads so my damn dog wouldn’t mortify me by eating them and strewing the little bloody bits all up and down the hall again — and I will, eventually, but right now I’m cramping and lightheaded and quite tired and really just want to go curl up in bed rather than revisit all that. (Couldn’t abdominal massage have been covered THIS week in class instead of next? Didn’t they know I was going to need that??)
So instead, this is an open thread: What do you remember about your first period, or those early years of menstruating? If you — by virtue of being trans or a late bloomer or having some medical condition or etc — didn’t start menstruating when seemingly everyone else did, what were your thoughts? How aware were you that some girls/women had their periods and you didn’t? (Cis men and trans men are also welcome to share about first periods, your own or a sister’s, or your first awareness of your mother’s, or however you became aware of menstruation in a concrete way.) Link drops to stories you’ve written elsewhere are of course welcome.
(As reward for participating — only click after you comment! — here’s an interesting post over at Bitch, in defense of the period. Read the comments, too, which address some flaws in the post.)
- What do you mean the whole internet isn’t 90% women and almost entirely social-justice oriented? Where have you been hanging out online, and what’s wrong with it? ↩
I clearly remember getting my first period – I was 12, by myself on a 3 hour train ride to visit a friend. I went to use the bathroom and noticed the stain. I think I grinned widely, looked at myself in the mirror and thought something like “woman!”. Then I went to ask the lady sitting opposite me for a pad/tampon (although I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with inserting something) – she wasn’t carrying anything, but she smiled kindly and gave me a packet of tissues, which I stuffed into my panties. When I reached my friend, I think that was the first thing I told her and her mom, and we went to buy me some pads.
So it was quite a positive experience for me – my mom used to be a nurse and had always taught me and my brother to see our bodies as natural, nothing to be ashamed of. I almost defiantly bought pads, putting them right THERE onto the conveyor belt, mentally thumbing my nose at all those people who might object. :)
Incidentally, once my period got into a regular rhythm I got horribly bad cramps, causing many hours of lying in the teacher’s lounge despite strong painkillers. So I hated my periods, but I was never ashamed of them, never hesitated telling a male teacher the reason for my absence. It led me to going onto the pill at 16, despite not being sexually active.
I couldn’t wait for my first period. I was caught up in the whole milestone thing. I always do that with milestones. Anyway, it wasn’t bad. I was 12, it was the summer between 5th and 6th grade (so no horrible-ness of discovering my period has stained my pants during class or whatever). I simply felt something funny, checked and discovered I’d spotted a bit. I proceeded to get overly excited about it and put on a pad that I’d had waiting for the day. My mother bought me roses which embarrassed the hell out of me. My mother also insisted that I was not allowed to use tampons until I’d had my period for a year or something … do not ask me why … so I proceeded to keep Always in business for many years to come. The tampons never quite worked out in the end (though I used them briefly before discovering the cup and then cloth pads after childbirth rendered the cup useless). When I was about 14 or so, I started getting horrendous cramps. On several occasions I remember having to be picked up from school because of them. I used to pop some ibuprofen and crawl into bed with a heating pad. I’d sleep for a few hours straight and wake up cramp free. Things got MUCH better after I had my first child.
I just thought I’d add here that I think you should switch to a cup or cloth pads. :) Pros: No having to send the man out to get menstrual products, no excessive waste, more comfortable than plastic pads, healthier … Cons: I can’t really think of any right now. ;)
Totally seconding cup and cloth pads. When I went off the pill 3 years ago, I also switched from tampons to DivaCup (in addition to using cloth pantiliners pretty much all the time) and am never going back if I can help it!
Oh, I’ve been using cloth pads for years, since well before the Boychick was conceived. I can’t imagine ever going back to plastic or tampons. (I disliked buying disposible pads, but I’ll evangelize about making reusable ones. Go figure.)
I do need a good wetbag and a moon pot, though.
My friend makes awesome pads & wetbags. I need to order more … I’ve long since resigned myself to the fact that I am a purchaser rather than a maker. ;)
Hey my mum wouldn’t let me use tampons for the first year either!
Cloth pads are the best! I always had an allergic reaction to the disposable ones and I hated the waste of it, so I tried a Diva Cup for several months but never really liked it, then I found some wonderful cloth pads available online and I’ve never gone back. I keep the Diva Cup around in case I want to go swimming, but I love the cloth pads…and the pretty designs make it fun, too!
oh wow, someone else who has a nap and wakes up cramp-free. No one believes me when I say that :( Before I was on the pill I’d be incapacitated by pain and other side-effects until I fell asleep (how is that even possible, to fall asleep in that situation?) and wake up feeling fine, although after an hour or so some pain came back, although much reduced. It was always kind of bizarre.
I will never forget my first period because it was SO heavy. Seriously, I bled for at least 2 weeks, and for several days I had to change my pad or tampon every hour or I would leak like crazy. Fortunately I’ve never had a period like that since.
I got what I thought was my first period when I was 11. It was probably actually my hymen breaking – just a little bit of very bright red blood. But what did I know, it hadn’t happened before! I told my parents all excitedly. They bought me a beautiful amethyst pendant (which I still have) to celebrate – in retrospect, an amazingly progressive thing for 1988!
Anyway, my *real* period started about nine months after that, quite anticlimactically. I felt guilty for a long time that my parents had bought me a big present for something that ended up not actually happening till later. Never had any particular trauma or humiliation associated with it that I can recall now.
My first one was at age 9. Yep, 9. And it was preceded by 18 months of hellishly anxiety-provoking visits to an endocrinologist’s office, getting bone X-rays and CAT scans and being told that I might have to take hormone shots so that I wouldn’t remain an apparently horrible 5’1 forever, while I sat there and sobbed. Awesome.
It was also so anxiety-producing (being in fourth grade, having best friends who were boys, horribly heavy periods …) that the endocrinologist put me on Depo-Provera to stop my periods. For THREE years. While my body was still developing. (To this day, I am shocked – and amazed that my fertility is still intact.)
My former women’s studies professor swears I should write a magazine article about the whole saga …
OMG! That sounds horrible … why all the drama? I mean, I know that having a period at 9 is not exactly common but why was it treated like a medical emergency? In other words, I agree with your women’s studies prof: you should write an article about it (and make sure I know where it is so I can read it)!
I am still traumatized by my first period experiences. First I had no idea what to expect. IN the P.E. your body day at school, they described it as finding “waste” in your panties. I had no idea they meant blood. Big difference there.
Nevermind the mental issues. The physical problems were excruciating. I was working at my dad’s office during the summer. When I would get my period I would cramp like crazy get headaches, diarrhea,cramping bowels, irritability, depression and confusion. I could barely stand up. I would call my mom to come get me. But she would usually convince me to stay or take forever to pick me up. I didn’t understand why I hurt so bad. The idea of staying in bed didn’t even cross my mind. I wish it had. Plus this was the time when the mainstream thinking was it’s your period it is supposed to be painful. Shut up and take it. Take a Tylenol. Yeah, maybe a bottle of them. Tylenol never worked. Heating pads never worked either. So I was severely scarred by these experiences. Pads weren’t that great back then so there was always leaking and messes. Toxic Shock Syndrome was still in the news, so no tampons. When I did eventually start using them, I couldn’t keep them in. My vagina would squeeze them out.
Now that I look back, I think I see signs of endometriosis. i have been treated with Lupron for that. And why was it so embarrassing to buy pads and tampons when you first start? It’s natural and happens to most women.
Unless I am on birth control (using the awesome nuvaring now) I bleed like the dickens. Usually I pass a lot of giant clots and it is so heavy I get faint and pale. I could get gross here, but I won’t.
I am so glad that there are more feminine hygiene options now and they use better technology. Leaks are a thing of the past and it doesn’t feel like I am wearing a diaper. Birth control is a blessing. I am also glad that the mental issues that come along with periods are being addressed. Of course I thought PMDD was PMS. I guess there will always be some new initialized ailment coming out. People are beginning to realize that women don’t have to suffer. It doesn’t have to be a part of life. I remember the first girl I met that had no problems with hew period, no cramps or bloating. She was like an urban legend come to life.
I now I still scoff at the Always commercials that say “have a happy period”– yeah right. Hopefully advancements will be made to make it even easier to deal with periods and the idea that because you are a woman, you have to suffer, that it is a part of being a woman will go away completely.
My first period was at age 11, and I was the first girl in my class. I had my third period when I was at summer camp, and we went backpacking overnight. So, so awkward dealing with that and figuring it all out with 12 other girls in very close quarters and no handy garbage cans. Not a fun memory, but not terribly traumatic, just awkward.
The biggest thing for me was the cramps and the headaches and the nausea, which got worse through adolescence. As a teenager I eventually went on the pill to control them. The pill has lots of downsides, but I’ll be honest with you, for me, not becoming ill and unable to function for a couple of days every cycle was significant. Also, being able to avoid the massive down moods for days was also significant. I have mixed feelings about using the pill in this way, but everytime I get a ‘real’ period again I remember why I went on and I think of it fondly. Right now I have a Mirena IUD that has progesterone, and the light periods are a big plus.
I got mine just before grade 7 camp as well, so I guess I was 11? It was really awkward. The camp was with all of district primary schools before we went into high school. Didn’t want to tell anyone I had them because it was bad enough trying to figure it all out without having to deal with share bathrooms, camping out, falling out of the canoe into the water making the pad soaked, trying to make new friends for high school etc. I also remember other girls talking about how on another camp someone had gotten their “rags” and everyone could see the blood – they were quite mocking about it. So I just shut up and sliently stressed. But luckily, the first wasn’t very heavy, but the newness of it all in an unfamiliar environment made it more stressful than I would have liked.
My first period? Um……. no, I think I’ll spare everyone the horror. Any period sucks when the blood has nowhere to go. Gee thanks Doctor who sewed up my vagina because my penis was more prominent! You’re the best!
*grumbles and goes to breathe steam to quell nausea*
I am so sorry.
That’s harsh.
I told one of my stories of the early years of menstruation in a comment on a BlogHer post:
“The most horrific experience I ever had related to menstruation was being in the back of my parents van on the way to a vacation in Maine. I had my period and had horrible cramps. I kept asking my dad to slow down when there were bumps and to go over them carefully. He and my brothers laughed it off as my dad drove as quickly as he could over those bumps while my mom pleaded with him to stop.”
You can read the whole discussion here: http://www.blogher.com/groups-forums/blogher-book-club/flow-cultural-history-menstruation
I, like probably a lot of women, think every man/boy should experience a hard core period.Who knows how different the world would be
My first period came, horrifyingly, at my little sister’s birthday party. I was part of a family that didn’t discuss sex – though sexual abuse was happening – and I really didn’t know what was going on. I called my mother from the bathroom and she wouldn’t come until I told her why (remembering that the living room is full of my massive extended family.) Finally I just said, “I need a new pair of underwear.” She came and showed me how to put on a pad. We were poor and we had to use the pads my dad stole from the school board he worked for and they were massive. My sisters and I called them the phone book pads. Pad now on, I went and hid in my room where I was visited by all 5 aunts who told me their period horror stories. It was traumatic.
My first period was pretty uneventful really. I went to the bathroom, noticed blood and dug around next to the loo for the pads I knew my Mum kept there. Then I went out to the kitchen and said “Mum, I’ve started my period,” and she was a bit shocked (why, I have no idea – I was twelve or thirteen!) and I think she congratulated me. :oP
Wow. Okay, I want this first period story. ;)
That was pretty much mine too. I don’t think I told my mom the first couple weeks. I barely remember much about it, really, and certainly not the very first time I saw I was bleeding.
I can’t wait to have a big huge celebration for my daughter, though. If she wants one.
I’m a mess of contradictions: I’ve never had a period, first or otherwise. I do get PMS though, and stomach cramps too. I also get hot flushes, something which I know is more often associated with menopause. I used to be infertile, now I’m sterile. I’m on HRT (estrogen patches), and will be until the day I die.
I don’t have many regrets in life, but not having children is one of the few, and it’s a big one. Although, even if I could have had children, I probably wouldn’t have – because my reproductive system being what it was, I’d have been a Dad, not a Mum.
I’m a middle-aged woman who is transsexual, and this is my life nearly three years after the surgery which, although in a sense saved my life, also meant I had to give up any chance (however small) of ever being a parent.
Hugs and hot water bottles to all of you who suffered such horrible first periods from a woman who always was, and always will be, on the outside looking in.
My periods didn’t start until I was 14. I was a very late developer in most ways and was the last one of my circle of friends to start by at least a year. I thought something was really wrong with me. I know now that starting late is actually quite a healthy thing but at the time, it was a big deal for me, I just wanted to be normal as most teens do. Bear in mind that we had “the talk” in school about periods when I was nine, so I had to wait a whole FIVE YEARS after before mine actually started.
When it finally did come, I didn’t even realise what it was. I’d always assumed it would be an obvious red bloody stain, and it wasn’t, this is going to be way tmi but it was watery brown blood at first and I was embarrassed, I thought something was wrong so I hid up my knickers. My mum found them and told me what it was.
My mom never talked about things like that because they were “shameful”. I got mine when I was 11 and thank goodness my school and sex ed not long before that or else I wouldn’t have known what had happened. I got my first period when I went to the bathroom one morning before school. I told my mom that I started my period. She said ok, got me pad and that was the end of any mentioning it.
I was a waaay late starter, nothing at all until I was fifteen! I was starting to get worried. Then they started. For the first one I was relieved, for the second irritated, and by the third I was beyond angry with my body, and the things it was doing to me. Luckily by twenty I was on the pill, and now me and my body have a compromise: one month I have a period, the next I run through the pill. The periods I do have cramp a lot more but thankfully it’s not too painful so it’s worth it.
My heart goes out to all of you with painful cramps :(
Don’t remember my first period, think I might have been about fourteen? Maybe?
My Mum didn’t tell me much about periods. I think she told me I might bleed “down there” and got me some pads. But the Tampax Lady came to our school in Junior Four (age eleven) and explained it to us and gave us two tampons in a pink case. We all used it as a pencil case though. Anyway I must have remembered the tampax lady because I remember I didn’t use pads for very long.
I was so excited to get my period. I’d been hanging out to get it for ages. My group of friends and I were so competitive about it.
My mum was so supportive and hugged me. I always knew what it was as my mum was very open about those things.
I used to hate my periods because of the mess and pains. But now I love them and appreciate them. They gave my son life (sort of) and since discovering the cup they are so easy.
I definitely didn’t have anything traumatic with my period. My mom had explained when I was about ten about periods and the like so I was fully prepared. I didn’t start until I was almost thirteen and I had a month where I spotted and then the next month I started for real.
I remember I used disposable pads for a couple of years and then somehow found out about tampons and used those from now until this last year. I wish I had someone back then tell me about how much more comfortable cloth pads were, that’s for sure.
My first period, at 10 or barely 11, was terrifying. I had no idea what it was, my mom never talked to me about it. What I did have was a major injury to my genitals a few years earlier that nearly required surgery (wish I’d let them operate, actually as I’m disfigured). I was sure I’d somehow reinjured myself & I was so scared. Luckily my best friend’s dad was a doctor & had given her a booklet about periods.
I remember knocking over a box of my mom’s pads when I was little and her being really mad and embarrassed about it. That was my introduction to periods. Shame and hiding. So there was no fanfare when I got mine like I plan to do with my girls. I got it during gym class in grade 7. A couple of friends had already gotten theirs so I knew about it and everything by then. I just shoved paper towels in my panties til I got home and then told my mom, who blushed and went out for pads and that was that.
I mostly remember being desperate to hide the fact that I had my period from my friends. I got my period at the age of 10 and I was also a c cup at that time. Developing early was not a wonderful experience for me. I remember being afraid that they would think that I was dirty because I had my period and they didn’t. I also remember wanting desperately to wear tampons because there is an iron smell that comes with pads and so I made sure to never use the bathroom at school. My mother absolutely refused to let me wear tampons. Incidentally, if she had, I would have learned much earlier about my anatomy. I didn’t actually know where to insert a tampon until the first time I had sex.
Renee, nor did I! My sex education leaved a lot to be desired.
Interesting that most of us who were under-educated mentioned that our moms didn’t teach us enough. No obligation on dads to helps out pubescent girls. To understand our bodies. To normalize it conversationally. Hmm…
Thanks for saying that, Howie.
(Yes, I know I’m super late to this period party)
I actually dug out my diaries for this one.
I was 13, it was the 25th of february and not summer like I remembered it. This, the first time I only spotted brown and write in my diary that either I’m having thyroid issues or I’ve started my period.
I know. I was precocious.
Two days later I got a flow and decided it was my period. I then write that I planned on telling mom, but that dad was staying close to her all the time so instead I snuck a pad from the bathroom cupboard and wrote I’d get my own at the pharmacy.
The next day there is an entry that the flow is coming to an end and that mom had bought me pads, so I must have told her.
I find an entry in July saying that my period “comes and goes” which probably means it was irregular, and that I was wondering if going on the pill would remove it. I also wrote I wanted “a tube in my arm to remove it for five years”.
I do remember that I had a heavy flow now and then, and terrible pain every other month when not on hormonal birth control, which climaxed at 21 when I fainted in a homeopatic drugstore one hot summer day in Stockholm. I got treated by two elderly pagan ladies and the pain never became bothersome again…
Well as long as eeryone else is sharing, why not? Mine too was horriffic. I was 9 or 10 at most, homeschooled only girl with 4 older brothers. No one ever told me about a period Even though I too was being sexually abused and I’m
certain my mother knew it. We only had one bathroom and I remember going to the bathroom in serious pain and having no idea why there was ALL
THAT BLOOD and remember thinking I must have done something wrong/bad because we were also religious as it would happen, with a hearty emphasis on punishment for sin, and of course being completely and utterly isolated I thought the sexual and physical abuse was my fault.
I finally yelled to my mom that something was wrong- she came in while all my brothers and dad crowded in the room
right off the bathroom laughing.
We were too poor to afford pads or tampons too though I ddnt know thy sold those until years later. My mom stuffed old rags in my underwear and told me it was my period.
My mom seemed to think that periods were a bad thing. I remember asking her what pads were for when I was around 6 and she wouldn’t tell me, saying I was too young to know about it and that I wouldn’t like the answer, definitely giving me the impression that it was something horrible. When I finally did find out about periods I was 7 and a girl at school told me; it sounded reasonable to me since it seemed like something I wouldn’t like and that my mom wouldn’t want to tell me about.
I got my first period when I was 10 (May 24th, 1984). I woke up and there was a bit of a stain on my underpants, but I decided to be in denial and ignore it. When I went to the bathroom at recess (I was in grade 5) there was a little bit more. I went home for lunch and told my mom that I had to talk to her. She asked “Do you want to talk in your room or in the bathroom?” and I said the bathroom. Then she asked what it was, and I said she already knew if she thought the bathroom was a good place to talk, so she is the one who actually asked me if I had started my period. I felt mortified and embarrassed, mainly because she had made me feel like it just wasn’t something to talk about.
The worst part was that she gave me a Cabbage Patch doll that night “to make up for it” happening to me so young. I felt like it was a slap in the face; instead of recognizing and honouring the fact that I was growing up, she gave me a doll to emphasize the idea that to her I was still very much a child. I never told a single friend about getting it, although I did confirm it by nodding when a friend asked me a few years later. I was never a girl who could ask for a pad or tampon from anyone else, and in fact I used toilet paper as pads for years because then no one would ever have to know.
I still feel incredibly uncomfortable talking about periods, and I really hate that fact. I go out of my way to go out of my comfort zone when I teach health class because I don’t want anyone else to feel that way, but I almost have to step outside of myself to do it and feel comfortable talking about it.
Oddly enough, though, my embarrassment is the only trouble that my period has ever caused me. I’ve been greatly blessed by virtually never experiencing cramps or any pains at all, and with few exceptions I’ve been completely regular since the day it started…sometimes literally down to the minute.
Wow…I’ve read through everyone else’s stories now, and I can’t believe how fortunate I was. Although my mom did make me feel like periods were something to be embarrassed about, she did actually tell me about them (albeit after I already knew) when I was around 9 and she could tell I was close to getting it. I didn’t have to feel terrified due to not knowing what was happening to my body, nor was I ever put in a situation where I was abused or even riduculed for having my period. I feel so horrible for all of the women who suffered so much.
Wow, way lucky here. My little sister and grew up raised primarily by our mom- she taught us about sex and puberty and the changes to expect and periods and everything. I was just happy I got my period the summer before 7th grade – in June, so I had a few months to try and figure it all out before going back to school and being in front of my classmates! I was sooooo glad I didn’t have to have my first period while at school- I was afraid of that. My little sister got hers while we were on a vacation somewhere, so she must have been in the summer too.
My Girl Scout troop had shown the film (from Kotex, I think) about periods, and my mom had always been very open about body things, but when I started periods at age 10 it still seemed something to be hidden. I told a girlfriend before I told my mom. I do remember a few years later telling a visitor at home on a school day that I was home because of cramps, and Mom told me I probably shouldn’t be so open about that–or should be a little careful about who I told. I also remember wanting to make a big deal with my daughter, but her refusing any fuss when she got her periods.
My first period was at 13. Fairly standard I think. The girls in my school were all pretty open about it – it was almost a competitive sport!
We’d all had a couple of classes in junior school – when we were about 9 or 10 I guess, although one girl had been to the classes a year early because she had started her period very early. I remember thinking then – and still think so now – that the boys should have had the class too. Maybe they do nowadays.
One thing that strikes me now, as an adult, is how much of the classes was about challenging/changing the perception of a period as a bad thing. There was the usual biological stuff, but also a fair chunk of refuting the idea that this was “the curse”. This seems, in my memory, to have been a society-wide think in the 80′s (in the UK) – a general push to normalising the having of a period – being able to talk about it, without shame, chainging the nomenclature, challenging the idea that is was a secret, ads on TV for pads and tampons.
So, generally okay for me. All about the education I guess.
I don’t remember how old I was, but I think it was 7th grade. It was treated very casually in my family. My mom asked me if I wanted a pad or if I wanted to try tampons. I was afraid of tampons at first and then when I did try them a few months later I didn’t understand how the applicator worked and I thought that whole long plastic thing was supposed to be inside me and it *hurt*. My mom did laugh at that. Other than that it was treated like, “Oh, ok. Here are supplies.” I never felt shamed or dirty. My sister did start talking to me about how it is kind of a bother and it sucked that I had to start dealing with it too.
At this point I’m kind of really into menstruation. I’m not finger painting with it or anything, but I do think it is just neato. Maybe I have that opinion because I have only menstruated five times in the past 2.5 years due to pregnancy/nursing. :)
I have a really vague memory (I must have been pre-primary school aged) of understanding that my mum used pads and thinking it was “grown-up”. I put toilet paper in my knickers telling my sisters “that’s what grown up ladies do”. Which is weird because my mum didn’t really say anything to me about periods for a very long time. I think I found out what they were at school and asked her about it. I remember being shocked when she told me it went on for several days EVEN WHILE YOU SLEEP!
Anyway, when I finally got mine I was away at boarding school. My grandma (who prepped me for school), bless her heart, had bought a box of pads for me to pack. She wrapped them up in blue tissue paper and said they were “for when you start”. It seemed so quaint and embarassing at the time but looking back it’s quite sweet. I got mine before anyone else at school (I must have been 10) and I guess without that box I’d have been in quite a predicatment. My other grandma made me tell my mum (who was in London) over the phone. It was…awkward.
But mum actively encouraged me to use tampons and tried to describe how to use one, which I remember very fondly. I was never told not to use tampons, although some girls at school told me I wouldn’t “be a virgin anymore”. I was always a bit of an eyeroller towards that kind of nonsense.
Sorry, not only am I late to the party, I’ve also gone and left the longest comment ever.
This reminded me of what my grandma told me about tampons! She said I couldn’t use tampons because then it might break my hymen and then I wouldn’t be able to prove to my husband that I was a virgin when I got married! At 12, I looked at her like she had two heads and claimed that I had no intention whatsoever of being a virgin when I got married. Shut her up quick. :)
I was either 11 or 12, and it was easter weekend and I didn’t tell anyone until I told Mum on the Monday, because I didn’t want to ruin the weekend. Mum didn’t understand why it would ruin the weekend (as presumably you don’t) but I was an anxious, depressed and generally confused child (person) and I would have been in tears/hysterics probably if I’d mentioned it – not speaking something is the easiest form of not having my brain acknowledge it, speaking is very powerful.
I was VERY upset to discover it lasted days, even a week, not one day or a few hours as I’d somehow come to believe. I didn’t tell anyone else, was always embarrassed to buy pads, etc until like, 2 days ago (I stock up so haven’t bought any for 6 months or so, and have been getting less embarrassed as time goes by, and this time I was totally matter-of-fact about it; ok, kind of flaunting how comfortable I was with it actually :D ). I didn’t know if anyone at school had their period, and didn’t hear it mentioned by any except when I was 17 and girls in another room were loudly criticising another girl (she wasn’t there) for taking the pill to stop her periods, as that was “bad for a woman’s health”, and they couldn’t be that bad, etc.
I felt horrible hearing that because my periods were awful until I went on the pill at 19 – I would be in pain, feel like I needed to go to the bathroom constantly (such an annoying feeling, and you’re always rushing off to no avail), and feel just under the weather in a way that makes you lie around listlessly feeling like crap. Pain killers and other remedies (eg. hot water bottle) didn’t make a spot of difference, so eventually I just gave up on them. The first few hours of each period involved lots of pain of the kind you need to curl up and do nothing during, plus nausea, alternating fever and shivering, etc, before lessening. They were also irregular, from 2 weeks apart to 8 weeks, so I had to take spare knickers and pads around with me almost constantly.
So, basically, my dismay at getting my period seemed to have been quite well-founded.
We got told about periods at school, and given little booklets and samples – I had enough tampon samples to last a year, but unfortunately could never work out how exactly to get them in place. No one gave out pad samples for some reason. But I never knew that my experience was a possibility or what I should do about it, or that they might be irregular rather than exactly every 28 days, or that it would be so damn inconvenient. Also, they don’t tell you the best way to get blood out of clothing, which might be a useful wee tip for all women to know so you don’t have ruined knickers.
My mom was pretty great about it.I was thirteen(1999) and at home when it happened.When I told her she hugged me,got me a pad,asked about cramps and offered herbal tea.I was mortified but grateful.A few days later she gave me a very pretty white eyelet bra and some books.Nice Mama.
P.S-The bra was my first and she knew I was really wanting one(no need yet).And this magazine was a great follow up gifthttp://www.newmoon.com/magazine/
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I was 11 years old. I went to a conservative Christian school at the time, and it did not offer the students any sort of sex ed or puberty education at any level (I do remember we somehow managed to discuss fetal development and childbirth without mentioning intercourse or the menstrual cycle!!). I went out of the way to educate myself however because I have always been fascinated by reproduction and the human body, and in fact I grew up to be a nurse. I wasn’t discouraged in this, but I also wasn’t spoken to by any adults about the matter. I had it pretty firmly in my mind that I wouldn’t have to worry about my period until I was at least 13. The thought was exciting, but when the morning arrived that I discovered a big brownish/bloodyish stain in my underwear, I had no idea what it was! I was pretty sure it wasn’t my period because I wasn’t 13 yet (heh), so I figure it just must be some staining in that “discharge” I kept reading about that you get as you develop. I put some toilet paper in my underwear and went about the day ignoring it. Luckily I didn’t really bleed until I got home. I was a “latchkey kid”, and I remember seeing the blood and sitting alone for a long time, thinking, “Oh my god, what if I *did* just get my period?” … and having a strange rush of feelings about that.
Later in the evening, I showed my mother because I simply couldn’t believe it was possible. This bring up sad memories… because what I recall is that my mother’s face fell, and she said “You did get your period.” I was ecstatic though, and I told her so. “Well, you feel that way now,” she said, “but after awhile you’ll wish you didn’t have periods.”
Of course if that’s not a self-fulfilling prophecy :). No one around me had ever really discussed menstruation, ever. It wasn’t an outright secret, it was just never mentioned and since it didn’t happen to me, I didn’t think about and didn’t manage to pick up on the negative attitudes everyone had until I ran into them head on.
I realized very quickly that adults weren’t *happy* I got my period, they were embarrassed! I was humiliated by their embarrassment, and so I learned that you don’t talk about it, ever, to anyone. Within one year, I went from being overjoyed that I was growing up to being unable to imagine anything more shameful than menstruation. I never thought that was right, but I couldn’t control my feelings. At my private school, it was barely even discussed among the girls, and only in serious-faced whispers.
And that’s what made it hard. It wasn’t so much the bleeding or the severe cramps I later developed, it was that I had to deal with that all on my own without talking about it anyone. I couldn’t tell anyone why I missed school (of course, my mom knew I wasn’t really “sick”). I couldn’t tell anyone why I couldn’t go swimming. I couldn’t ask anyone what to do because my tampon wouldn’t hold up a whole two class periods like I needed it to.I was completely alone as a disgusting icky female.
Reading over this now, I’m surprised I can say I don’t feel any of that shame anymore and will openly discuss periods with anyone. A huge amount of that is due to becoming a nurse, but it’s other things too. Maybe it’s the culture, maybe it’s the company I keep, or it’s that I’m an adult now, but people in general seem a whole lot more relaxed and open about the whole deal than just 15 years ago. And I really fought against those feelings of shame within me because I hated them and I hated where they came from — it wasn’t right. That’s not to say I never crumpled before them, but I’m proud to say that by the time I was legally an adult I was able to ask a male sales clerk for the right sized Diva cup! (yeah, I did have to work up some courage first).
I don’t really remember my first period, but I do know that it was at the end of July between grades 8 and 9. So I must have been 14. Most other girls in my grade 7 class had their period while we were on our grade 7 class trip, except for myself and one other girl. We felt very much like outsiders and talke about how we wished we would get ours, and compared the pads our moms had packed for us ‘just in case’.
By my second period, or maybe the first, I had cramps so bad that I couldn’t stand up. One day in grade 10 I had to get my Granny to pick me up from school because my tampon had leaked and the blood had soaked through my jeans. Of couse I told her I was sick, because I knew she didn’t like to talk abut those things.
My mom told me all about periods and reproduction when I was about 6, but she never hid anything. I don’t think she ever closed the bathroom door. I could read very well for my age, so I had read Our Bodies Ourselves cover to cover well before I hit puberty.
My mom did buy me a subscription to New Moon magazine and show me how to use a pad. She wanted to have a party, but I was an extremely shy child/teen and was mortified at the thought of a party for me.
I got my first period at age 9. . . young, but it runs in my family (my grandmother started at the same age), so I was warned well before that. I remember distinctly starting in the car on the way home from school, so the bathroom and clean underwear weren’t far away. I feel really grateful that it just wasn’t a big deal — my mom bought me some pads, told me a couple horror stories about the pads she had to wear in the ’70s, and that was that. Because I was so young, I didn’t start using tampons regularly for another . . . well. . . ten years, mainly because I thought they were gross. (I wish I’d rethought that position a little earlier, though. . . it would have saved a lot of stains.) I was also lucky in that my periods were sporadic for the first few years; I don’t think the super heavy flows and cramping set in until maybe age 11 or 12.
as a side note, I always felt special because during the “period talks” we received in school from ages 10-12, I could raise my hand and say, “Hey, don’t worry too much about this stuff, it’s no big deal.”
When we were kids, my younger brother and I used to bathe together. One day we discovered Mom’s box of tampons, which had a picture of one opening up like a flower – so we spent our bath-time soaking them all and decorating the tub with flowers :) Mom had to explain that she really NEEDED those (she didn’t really say why), so we weren’t to play with them anymore.
Later on, in 5th or 6th grade, we had “the girls-only talk” in the school gym, complete with a cartoon film-strip (I’m dating myself here). So I waited. A long time. One day, when I was about 12, I gave in to my curiosity and put in a tampon, broke my hymen in the process, so there was a little blood. I thought – are you supposed to do something to bring it on? I thought maybe I should expect periods from then on, but no . . . I waited as all my girlfriends got theirs. This was in the days when pads came with an elastic belt that went around your waist, and safety pins to attach the pad to the belt. Seriously.
Then a couple of months after I turned 14, I felt light-headed and nauseous, and had a headache, and told my Mom. She said “you’re getting your period” and sure enough it came the next day. I used tampons from day one (which Dad bought for both of us), never could stand pads. Fortunately, I’m one of those “urban legends” a previous commenter spoke of – clock-work regular, and cramps maybe once every couple of years. It will all be over soon as I’m in my late 40s now.
Mine sucked-not because of anything anyone else did-my mum
was sensible enough for once. But I am a trans guy and so puberty
was a horror house. I hadn’t even realised what I was yet, I just
knew that this was ALL WRONG. I shouldn’t be bleeding like this and
I shouldn’t have my chest mutating. (I was about 12 at the time, by
the by.) On top of that, my periods came every three or even two
weeks, and they were HEAVY. As in, I was not just cramping but
getting light-headed from loss of blood heavy. I had to go on
medication to deal with that for a few years-thankfully it sorted
itself out eventually. I realise I’m being a bit of a necromancer
posting this…
Eagle of the Ninth — If I didn’t appreciate old-post necromancy, I would close comments on old posts! Thank you for sharing your experience.
Heh-thank *you* for letting me whine about this!