I am not making this up.
I like much of the genre generally known as hard rock. I put up with 99.9% male vocalists, and often-problematical lyrics and topics, because I like hard/alternative rock (among other things) and I am too lazy and cheap frugal to bother amassing my own music collection and toting around a multi-listed iPod. So I listen to a lot of radio, and so I put up with 99.9% male vocalists and a lot of other crap.
OK, it’s just music, I can deal with it. Half the time I can’t figure out the lyrics even when I try. And, y’know, sometimes I just don’t mind — for instance — Reznor singing he wants to [bleep] me like an animal1. Misogynist? Sure. Enjoyable? Um, a little. I may have been known to shout along with the lyrics upon occasion. What? It’s a good song.
But there’s misogyny, and then there’s misogyny.
Tonight, driving with the Boychick to drop off our ballots2, The Man at home, this station ad came on between songs:
There’s no such thing as lesbians — only women who haven’t met Chuck Norris. Be a man. Celebrate MANuary.
…yeah.
That’s courtesy these gems of humanity. It’s not a joke. (Or, it is a “joke”, in the “lighten up, you ugly humorless hairy feminist bitch, can’t you take a joke?” kind of way. But it’s part of a whole “Manuary” promotion, which I’m not even going to go into, because ugh. Point is, they really said this.)
I nearly crashed the car. Not only was I shocked, I felt, suddenly, very vulnerable.
I changed the station. I am going to change my radio preset buttons.
And here’s my mini-epiphany of the day: this is how -isms and institutionalized hatred work. They think that lesbians (and women in general) don’t listen to hard rock; and so they say shit like this; and so we stop listening to their station; and so they are more right in their initial belief that women don’t like hard rock, and feel just fine in continuing their exclusionary culture.
It’s true for women in rock, women in sciences, trans women and women of color in mainstream feminism, nonwhite people in business, and so on. It’s not that we’re not interested; it’s that we are actively excluded. And our disgust and unwillingness to put up with the exclusion, with the boys’ club, with the “just jokes” that tell us over and over again just how unwelcome we are, how we are not even people in the eyes of those who would be our colleagues, is what then justifies the belief that it’s “not our thing”.
I call BS. And to KUFO, I say: FU3. There is some shit I will not put up with, even for music I love. The problem is not with me, nor with my sense of humor. The problem is not my girly sensibilities, nor a lack of love for hard rock.
No, sirs, the problem is with you. Plenty of lesbians and hairy queer feminists like hard rock; we just don’t like you.
- Although I must admit the last time it came on when the Boychick was in the car, I switched the station. Even I have my limits. ↩
- YES on 66 & 67 ↩
- Help me say FU to KUFO by voting for the Lesbian/Bisexual Woman of the Decade. How about Missy Higgins, or Sook-Yin Lee? ↩
Arwyn
In my bathroom hangs a plaque with a picture of a yin yang and the word BALANCE. I can never get it to hang straight. This probably says something deep and meaningful about my life.
We have a local radio station like that (they actually have a segment called “name that bitch” where they play an actress and people call in to guess who). My husband listens to it and it makes me so angry that he supports that crap. And why is it always the rock stations. Are we women “supposed” to listen to only classical or Indigo Girls or something? (not that I don’t like both of those).
On a side note, can I admit to feeling … idk, unworthy maybe, to vote for the Lesbian/Bisexual Woman of the Decade? Because I’m straight? I don’t know. But I have to admit my hesitation. I wonder where that comes from and what that means. Any ideas?
I’m a fan of both classical and Indigo Girls as well, but yeah, there’s very much this cultural belief that women don’t like rock (or only like “light” rock or whatever). And “name that bitch”? Oh holy hells…
And yes, you can admit to feeling anything, and I thank you for doing so. But I’d encourage you to vote anyway; there are times when as a non-member of a group (especially as a member of a majority or privileged group and not of the minority or marginalized group in question), it behooves you to stay back, and allow them their own space, to be sure. I don’t think this is one of those times, however, or I wouldn’t have made it a very public internet poll. Heck, I voted in the Gay/Bisexual Man of the Decade poll that inspired this (John Barrowman, hee!), so I would certainly welcome your votes in this.
They don’t just insult women. They also insult men by implying/pressuring us to go along with this. Hey I like Chuck Norris, but the dirty thought that likes or dislikes have to do with sexuality is a !@#$%^ disgusting turn of mind.
Let the station know this comment chased you away from them. It has some tiny chance of helping lower the volume of bigotry. One way they get away with this kind of shit is nobody bothers to call them on it. If you do, expect condescending or insulting feedback or worse, so you may not think it is worth it.
Hey, Im a straight male, and I voted. How is the ‘Lesbian/Bisexual Woman of the Decade’ poll coming? She isn’t famous enough to be on the poll, but Zayne Mathias who is a lay preacher (and loophole legally married to her female partner) would qualify for my vote if she were.
Wow, that’s just … Well, pretty much one of the many reasons I avoid commercial radio stations like the plague. Its easier to do that here with Triple J. Have I mentioned how much I love Triple J?
Incidentally, you’ve now made me want to crank up some NIN again. I’m not sure I agree that Closer is specifically misogynistic. It could be referring to any fuck buddy male or female. Its more just objectifying in general.
Good luck telling them FU.
I get that constantly: ‘lighten up’, ‘don’t you have a sense of humor?’, ‘its just a joke’, etc. But it’s ‘jokes’ that continue to perpetuate the normalization of things like xenophobia, homophobia, etc etc. So of course you shouldn’t ‘lighten up’…that’s just another phrase for ‘don’t make me think about the implications of my own actions.’
Or for “Your need for safety and inclusion is less important that my desire to say whatever the fuck I feel like.” Yeah. I don’t think so.
That aggravates me so much. I enjoy harder rock music, but so much of the lyrics are vile and hateful. The songs that I do like tend to be softer styles, which I don’t enjoy.
Very sad, because they actually play music I enjoy!
I finally dug out my ballot, and I’ll be walking it down to the nearest collection site, because I’m not sure if the mail will get it there today. 66 and 67 NEED to pass!
They passed, they passed, woohoo! *dances with you*
And yeah, I like a lot of their music. Sometimes I want something with an edge, and KNRK just ain’t cutting it. Argh.
snarkon Having to be in the company of Chuck Norris would make me lesbian. snarkoff