Comments on: I Spy… race?

By: Howie Montgomery

Howie Montgomery — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 12:57:53 +0000

This is a conversation that I approach from the unusual, but not unique, position of having been a white girl in a neighbourhood that was peopled mostly by non-white people. What I did have in common with the folks I grew up with was poverty and being the children or grandchildren of immigrants from other countries (my mother was born in post-war Germany.) Race, colour, whatever you want to call it, was a major part of my everyday life and something I needed to be very aware of. At one of my high schools, my nickname was literally Chick Whitey Gal. I kid you not. Oddly, my sisters and I have all been confronted by situations in which our frank discussion of, or even notice of, race has been called racist. And often this accusation comes from people who know very little about the cultural influences and histories of what we are discussing. The thought that I might have an opinion on issues regarding race is treated with suspicion, because I am supposed to be race neutral, as a white person.

As a grown up, I live in a one of the “nicer” neighbourhoods in my city and, not shockingly – though sadly, it’s predominantly white. Sometimes I feel like an undercover agent. Like I’m disguised. This isn’t who I am. The things people say in front of me, with the tacit implication that I will agree, would be amusing if they weren’t so ignorant. I even worry that I’m doing my future kids a disservice if I raise them here, where their practical perspective will be so much smaller than mine.

So…yeah. Kudos for discussing it at all.

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 01:00:04 +0000

I actually link to that article in the post. Thanks for sharing, though!

By: July

July — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:23:17 +0000

I thought of this post while reading this article today. I wonder if you had read it? I found it very interesting, and, of course, it shows that science supports your philosophies.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/214989/page/1

By: Criss

Criss — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 16:20:06 +0000

When I worked in an upper-middle-class, mostly-white high school, we didn’t talk about race. Because, as you said, talking about race = you notice race = you’re racist. When I worked at a lower-SES, mostly-minority high school, the kids talked about race openly, unabashedly. (They were baffled that I was white, but I was Hispanic. How could I be both?)
Race, and racism, are facts of life. Attempting to deny race, by not talking about it, denies those who are oppressed, it denies their struggle. It may make us privileged, white-skinned people feel better, but it’s a lie and it perpetuates the problem.
Not that this makes it easier to talk about, or know how to explain it to your child… especially when you’re in a crowded coffee shop and who knows who might come up to you to tell you how evil you are by even uttering the words “the black kid.”
Thanks for writing this,and good luck! (We all need it.)

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:25:14 +0000

Hers is an open adoption, but I really recommend reading This Woman’s Work for a really great, aware approach to raising an adopted black girl as a white woman. I really admire her work, and her approach to helping her daughter talk freely about race and adoption, among other things.

And you’re very welcome.

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:21:11 +0000

Here’s the thing: as noted in the above link, ignoring and silencing the topic of race and identifying race simply doesn’t work as a tool for eliminating racism. It was a well-meaning theory, but it is thoroughly debunked.

It’s like: if I am in a room of people all wearing bright yellows and reds and whites and I’m dressed in my usual black, you aren’t going to fumble around saying “look for the sort of slightly tall woman with the mousy brown hair and the metal rimmed glasses”, right? You’re gonna say “The woman in black”, because it’s an easily distinguishing feature. If there are a few other people wearing black, it only makes sense to say “The fat woman in the black shirt”. If there are a few other fat people wearing black, it makes sense to say “the fat white woman in black.” None of these has any judgments attached to them; none of these are a big deal: they’re just facets about me.

But if we ignore one of them, it becomes a really big deal. We routinely ignore race (and fatness, for that matter, but that’s another, related but different, issue). Race becomes That Which We Cannot Talk About, and kids try to figure out why, only they’re doing it without our help, because we’re refusing to talk about it. It becomes laden with meaning which we, with our magnificently smart brains, try to tease out. And we adults, pretending not to notice anything, then have no influence on what kids are figuring out, because we’re not talking about it other than mealy-mouthed feel-good phrases like “everyone is the same”.

And furthermore, race DOES matter. There is a very real, very pervasive, very significant power and privilege differential based on one’s race in the US (and in most if not all of the rest of the world), where white people have privilege (are oppressing) people of color. If we do not acknowledge that, we cannot deconstruct or oppose or dismantle it — and we cannot acknowledge that if we first do not acknowledge that people come in different races, and learn to name them.

What I think is most telling in these discussions is who’s advocating which position. In general, it is well-meaning (but generally clueless) white people who advocate the ignore-race approach; in general, people of color, to whom race is made into a big damn deal every day without their choosing it, are in favor of naming race. That says a lot to me, even if I didn’t have both objective evidence and person anecdotes that “colorblindness” fails, and fails fully.

By: staci

staci — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 02:40:06 +0000

Wow. This is awesome! I laughed outloud at the dinner table comment. I’ve been trying to figure out why it’s so hard for white folks like ma’self to talk about race, and you put into words some of my discomfort. Thank you! My hubby and I are adopting two kids from Ethiopia and sure as heck want to be more fluid and comfortable talking about race.

By: Talking about racism « The Turtle and the Wren

Talking about racism « The Turtle and the Wren — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 13:15:35 +0000

[...] at Raising My Boychick has just written an excellent post about the problems with colour-blindness and talking about race with children. She says it all [...]

By: Susannah

Susannah — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:11:56 +0000

I remember when this came up with K a few months ago (he will be four next month) while looking at “Where’s Waldo”. It was a very fumbling, awkward conversation. This helps me understand why it felt that way; thank you.

By: Marcy

Marcy — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 18:40:17 +0000

I just finished reading Po Bronson’s new book, NurtureShock, and in one of the chapters they talked about race– how white people have this utter inability to talk about race, as if even mentioning it is evil (as you so well described). And how, according to recent research(I think they actually looked at the very experiment in the link you posted), this approach fails miserably because kids will always notice these differences and if we don’t point them out to them specifically, and make a point that different skin color doesn’t mean anyone is better or worse than anyone else, they’ll end up making their own assumptions.

And so, I feel a bit like you– I am partially looking forward to being able to pass these lessons on to my son (20 months old now), but also know it will be much more difficult than I can foresee. So, I think I totally failed in actually saying anything new in this comment, so I’ll just close with saying THANK YOU for writing this, and perhaps you can give me tips on navigating these awkward but powerful discussions in the coming months. ; )