Comments on: Dancing between the tables: on the personhood of children

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 09:42:46 +0000

They tossed them chips because the other folk hadn’t gotten theirs yet? I think that may be the coolest thing ever. I mean, yeah, not the best way to go about trying to share, but still: awesome.

There’s sort of this idea that respecting the personhood of children means we don’t help them act in reasonable ways. Which is, frankly, one of the more ridiculous interpretations I’ve encountered. I must do a post soon on how not-oppositional doesn’t mean acceding-to-every-whim. But it does maybe mean thinking that throwing chips to share = awesome, even as we redirect those quite-fabulous inclinations to something more socially acceptable.

By: ScholasticaMama

ScholasticaMama — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 20:00:25 +0000

I’ve just stumbled upon your blog and become a fan on facebook. This post is so important in so many ways. I’ve often pointed out to new moms that our little people are persons with their own feelings and needs. They want to eat without blankets, snuggle and sleep with their larger people, wake up at night, and laugh when something is funny -just like we expect to be able to do ourselves. Why expect things from our little ones that we don’t expect from others? All this being said, I do guide and discipline my little person away from pulling the cat’s tail and his fur, from extracting arms and legs from carseats, and from throwing chips at other patrons in restaurants (their chips were slow in coming: sharing = good, throwing = not so much). Thanks for being her, and for being on FB.

By: November Goodies « Mama-Om

November Goodies « Mama-Om — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 10:48:47 +0000

[...] Dancing between the tables: on the personhood of children“… children will, should all go minimally well, eventually turn into adults; no other [...]

By: Lauren Wayne » Blog Archive » NaNoWriMo write-in: Kids welcome

Lauren Wayne » Blog Archive » NaNoWriMo write-in: Kids welcome — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 05:26:01 +0000

[...] and don’t relish the idea of children in your coffee shop, please try to have a little compassion for the (literal) little guys. You were a child yourself once, unless you are a cyborg, in which [...]

By: Stacy (Mama-Om)

Stacy (Mama-Om) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:00:47 +0000

Hi,
I found you via the comments in the California NOW article, which a friend put up on Facebook… I’m glad I clicked over.

I really appreciate your post on this!

On some level, people want quiet in a restaurant but sometimes they also want THAT CHILD TO SHUT-UP. Those are two different attitudes and the second one is the seed from which oppression grows.

As someone who has been inspired and committed to non-punitive discipline, I often see and hear people’s befuddled and sometimes angry concern about how my children “will never learn,” etc. Some people just don’t understand that I fundamentally believe that children have equal dignity with adults.

And they can’t see how once you’re free from the idea that children are property or somehow “less than” adults, punitive discipline (corporeal punishment but also shame, threats, arbitrary consequences, or withholding parental love) becomes revealed as the completely wrong-headed and distasteful practice it is. It is just not worth it! As you point out, teaching children by overpowering them distorts their sense of self and teaches them to overpower others.

Anyway, I could go on and on… Thank you for this article!!

By: Angie

Angie — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:53:42 +0000

It can be hard as well when you come in for criticism as a parent for allowing your child to make a decision for themselves that as their parent you are confident they can make, but others don’t agree.

By: Katie Vasquez

Katie Vasquez — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 20:21:43 +0000

This is such a great article. Thank you for posting it!

By: Robert

Robert — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:53:40 +0000

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Moderator’s note: this doesn’t show up right on all systems, but is a series of clapping hands when it does display.

By: The Adult Privilege Checklist « Shut Up, Sit Down

The Adult Privilege Checklist « Shut Up, Sit Down — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:55:06 +0000

[...] certainly is a lot of mother-blaming and child hate in some pockets of feminism. Many others have spoken eloquently and thoughtfully about this before me, so I’m not going to reiterate what [...]

By: jane

jane — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 14:06:42 +0000

I found my way here from the Carnival of Feminist Parenting at Mother’s for Women’s Lib. You’ve written a great post, one I really needed to read this weekend. I’ve just had a whole serious of encounters (mainly supermarkets and cafes) where it feels like my toddler son is the only child in the planet who needs to run around and ask questions loudly and who finds it difficult to sit still. Usually I’m happy with the way I parent, admiring his exuberance and loving his enthusiasm for life but there are weeks, like this week, where other people’s disapproving looks and mean comments (the meanest comment was about my 3 month old crying in the sling on the bus!!) have just worn me down. This post was just the buck up I needed. I’m fierce when it comes to defending the rights of those who are oppressed, and this post has given me the intellectual framework I need in my head when I need to fiercely defend my son’s right to just be in public places.

I love where you have written: however we treat them now, while they are powerless, is how they will learn to treat those they have power over by “right” of unearned privilege.

This is so important. Because whilst children may learn from us how to behave in a public forum I think the best kind of learning for this is modeling, not fear of reprisal. And if parenting in this way means that I am also modeling how to lovingly encounter someone who’s personhood makes it difficult/impossible for them to conform to societal expectations so much the better.