Comments on: Toddlers are triggering

By: On the artistic potential of the reproductive organ of the Malus domestica | Raising My Boychick

Sat, 23 Apr 2011 05:16:58 +0000

[...] been feeling aggravated and triggered by parenting far too often recently, so it’s nice to have a vivid reminder of not only how [...]

By: AnonyMouse

AnonyMouse — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 06:09:38 +0000

I hope that I’m not veering too far from the central topic, but reading this post reminded me of something that I witnessed with my mother before my brother was a toddler – when she was pregnant, in fact. What I’m remembering is her regular moaning about how FAAAAT she was. While it was true that she had put on some body fat, the greatest cause of her increased size was nothing but pregnancy, but she went on acting like it was some kind of horrible crime.

I can’t really blame her for this, but it does call to mind another way that the kyriarchy makes motherhood that much harder – pregnant women see themselves as getting larger, and larger as getting fatter, and fatter as undesirable, causing enormous damage to their self-image both during and after pregnancy (as we all know their bodies don’t usually completely snap back – see “you look great for someone with three kids!”)

I don’t know if that’s too off topic; it just had to do with the subject of babies screwing us up because of something completely unrelated to babies.

By: Quick Hit on Ineffective Parenting Techniques | Raising My Boychick

Quick Hit on Ineffective Parenting Techniques | Raising My Boychick — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 08:12:18 +0000

[...] if you want a real answer, it’s because kids are triggering, I am my father’s child, and this parenting gig is hard.) Leave a comment | Posted on 19 [...]

By: Amanda

Amanda — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 04:12:22 +0000

Here I am, working at a shelter for survivors of interpersonal violence on New Year’s Eve (not because I’m just that altruistic; it’s one of the three jobs I’m trying to juggle so my little family can stay afloat in 2011), reading through your archives, and … this! I have been trying to navigate a lot of family-of-origin issues lately (suffice it to say, I had “insecure attachments” in my formative years) while raising my own, newly-four-year-old boy and his two-year-old sister. So, even though I’m a few months late to the party, your piece is incredibly timely for me. Thank you!

By: Too crazy to parent « Raising My Boychick

Too crazy to parent « Raising My Boychick — Mon, 15 Nov 2010 11:19:47 +0000

[...] Toddlers are triggering [...]

By: Say Something Good « Raising My Boychick

Say Something Good « Raising My Boychick — Tue, 11 May 2010 08:13:32 +0000

[...] Toddlers are triggering [...]

By: Choosing Joy « Raising My Boychick

Choosing Joy « Raising My Boychick — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 05:54:16 +0000

[...] Toddlers are triggering [...]

By: Sheri

Sheri — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 05:59:15 +0000

Wow…I’m thinking so many things right now in response to this article. I haven’t found toddlerhood to be very hard and now I’m starting to wonder why.

I don’t think that my daughter is that much more compliant than the average kid her age, so I don’t think that’s what made it easier. I have been very lucky in my life to have very little personal experience with violence of feeling powerless, though. I’ve certainly felt frustrated when Rachel didn’t want to cooperate, but I don’t think I’ve ever been triggered by it.

Of course, I also had a terrible time when she was first born. Having a newborn and post-partum depression was so awful that I desperately wanted her to grow up and get to another stage. Somewhere around 6-8 months I started to really enjoy motherhood and it’s just gotten better and better as she’s gotten older. Perhaps my bad experience at the start made anything, no matter what it was like, seem good by comparison.

Then again, I can’t help but wonder if I’ve been too permissive with Rachel. Have I sidestepped the worst of the toddler tantrums by giving in to her too much and not setting strong boundaries? I know I let her get away with a lot more than Daddy does…but actually, I have always gotten more tantrums and fights from her than he has.

This gives me a lot to think about. Thanks.

By: Jenne

Jenne — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 07:32:23 +0000

There have been a number of times that something my toddler does to me causes me to think of the experience I call birthrape from when he was born. I’ve felt like my life is controlled by a little dictator lately, and those times where I feel like I’m being abused or violated trigger the previous traumatic birth experience. Its good to make that connection, because like others have said, one can consciously resist the cycle.

By: Leigh Anne DuChene

Leigh Anne DuChene — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 23:17:45 +0000

I just want to say that all of this is SO VERY TRUE!

But, it is NOT something that we have to fall victim or abuser to over and over again!!

There are many emotional techniques available that studies have shown to very effectively relieve these triggers. Of them the two that I practice myself and teach to parents in my parent coaching practice are Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and Bio Energetic Synchronization Technique (BEST), and I also follow the approach and philosophy of Radical Forgiveness!!

I have truly been healed myself and have noticed drastic changes in the way I parent and am able to respond to my children. I truly have not found the toddler stage to be as horribly difficult as it has always been described to me and I attribute this to all the years of emotional healing work I have done prior to becoming a parent and still everyday of my life! I have a 3 year old and one on the way right now and have truly enjoyed every minute of our life, even the tantrums as I truly feel I was able to parent and respond in a healthy, positive, respectful, and life nurturing way to my son. His communications skills at his age are out of sight and he is such a very happy and loving little boy!

I just wanted to share that I fully and completely 100% agree with everything everyone has said, but wanted everyone to also know that it does not have to be a trap or a repetitive cycle.

Peace and Blessings to you all,

Leigh Anne