This entry for the Womanist/Feminist Parenting Primer comes from Rachel of Rachel’s Ramblings, one of my earliest regular commenters and frequent source of inspiration for me.

In this piece, she starts with an anecdote of rethinking one of the patriarchy’s lies, catching it just before it escapes her mouth into the innocent ears of her children. She then discusses the lessons she learns from her children, and the lessons she hopes to pass on — and ultimately realizes that that which she wants her children to know is already in them, and the key is to stop the kyriarchy from replacing those joyful truths with its restrictive falsehoods.

The Lessons of Mothering

My children are usually asleep when I get ready for work, but sometimes their cheerful morning selves welcome the sunshine and they join me. One morning my three-year old son was watching me put on makeup and asked, “What’s that?”

“Eyeliner.”

“What’s it do?”

I heard the answer in my head: “It makes me beautiful.”

But I said aloud after stumbling around, “It outlines my beautiful eyes so people can see them. Aren’t I beautiful?”

Who knew that mothering would open the doors of self development? I thought I was raising children, but I continually find that I am growing too. I become wiser and more mature as I realize and process the internal beliefs I have about myself, about boys, about girls and about marriage. I enter this growth opportunity willingly because I want to pass only the best to my children.

Who wants their child to feel limited and discouraged?
Who wants their child to discriminate, hate or limit others?
Who wants their child to set aside their gifts and do only what their culture or society demands?
Who wants their child to believe that something outside themselves will make them beautiful, smart, sexy and strong?
Who wants their child to feel ugly, stupid or worthless?

I don’t.

So when I’m at my best (who am I fooling, I’m not perfect), I try to reinforce messages such as:

• We are beautiful because we are people. All of us.
• Everyone can play with HotWheels, even sisters. Same goes for stuffed animals and babies, even brothers.
• Healthy food is good for us. Sugar should be eaten in small quantities.
• Explore the world!
• We wear what’s comfortable and what we want. Some events do require a costume and then we dress accordingly, like weddings, funerals and corporate workplaces. At church, God likes jeans and ballcaps cuz he’s not into fakers.
• We don’t hit.
• We can dance ANYWHERE!
• Our bodies are strong.
• Everyone in a family nurtures in their own way.

What’s interesting about these messages is that if you look closely, children already know many of them. They’re born knowing they are strong, healthy and beautiful. My 16-month old daughter trusts her body and instincts. I’m not teaching new lessons, just reminding all of us what we already know.

Rachel writes about the parenting journey at Rachel’s Ramblings. At seven, she wore pajamas with a “Women’s Lib” patch and couldn’t figure out why women needed to be liberated. Now, with a corporate job and two young children, Rachel is learning the value of shared parenting and equal opportunity.