Comments on: Rage, rage against the end of unemployment

By: Barbara

Barbara — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 03:35:27 +0000

Eloquently and compellingly written. I feel that you speak for so many of us – for me, ppd survival, husband working full time plus support shifts. it’s overwhelming and so much harder to do alone. I recently had hernia surgery and couldn’t lift my 17 month son. we had a nanny with us whenever my husband couldn’t be. it was strange, but so nice to have another human being around – how I wish we could have that community without paying the premium – aunts, cousins, sisters, mothers nearby who would keep us sane and love our kids as we do. anyway, thanks for sharing. I know we do many things differently, but it seems we feel many things the same. ps – N& T send you hugs and kisses

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 08:42:47 +0000

I know it was, and I loved you for the intent behind them. I just also needed to get this out. Thanks for reading and still sticking around. *hugs*

By: Susannah

Susannah — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 01:12:58 +0000

I haven’t read here in awhile so I didn’t see this post until now. I know I am guilty of saying some of these things in my attempts to support you. For that I am sorry; know that it was all meant in loving support (although obviously not what you needed to hear). <3

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:57:13 +0000

I cannot even imagine going for 11 hours at a time. Ugh.

Hope things keep improving for you. I know this was a big transition for y’all. I’m glad he’s doing enough better to be able to work (’cause, y’know, back injuries suck!), even if it comes with its (ginormous!) downsides too.

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 05:53:44 +0000

We might look into a sitter or something, although my first choice is to try to build community, do trades with other families (you watch my kid while I run, I’ll watch yours while you sew, etc), things of that nature.

We’ve never owned a stroller, and I’m not sure I want to start now — strollers are painful for me to push (something about having my arms in front, even at the “right” height), I like that he’s used to walking everywhere, and where I like to run is not stroller friendly (dirt paths, lots of tree roots). But if we can’t work anything else out, it might be worth a look.

We have a bike trainer now, so I can cycle inside at least (with the plan to eventually get him a seat and go biking outside with him), and the Boychick seems to do fine with that. Now to find a bike seat that doesn’t hurt my coccyx or put my vulva to sleep!

Thanks for the ideas and for sharing your experience.

By: red_hibiscus

red_hibiscus — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 02:53:15 +0000

Okay I just read the part where you describe yourself as “Wiccan-minded” I know Wiccan is a religion so maybe you can find some support there? I know that I have found that “allmother” support that you write about via our church, our neighborhood and a book club I am a member of. We don’t have any family in the area. Additionally, at my job, there is a “working mothers” support group which has always been a nice place to meet other Moms and give each other tips on how to balance it all.

By: red_hibiscus

red_hibiscus — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 02:49:34 +0000

I’m sorry to hear about all of that! I can’t imagine a situation in which a mother would “yell at, shove, be violent with” a young child so that must be very hard. Maybe you can hire a part-time nanny or mother’s helper to give you a hand? If there are many people out of work in your area, you might find someone nice who will work for $8/hour. I’m not a long-time reader of your blog but it seems like maybe a church would be “out”… churches do offer supprot groups where older Moms with kids in school help out the Moms with younger kids. There are also many discounted pre-school or mother’s day out programs where you can drop off your child and then have some time to yourself now and then! Good luck to you! I hope your husband’s new job goes very well!

By: Angela

Angela — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 02:23:33 +0000

Oh, honey. *hugs* My partner just went back to work today after having the last week off… And tomorrow, my mama friend moves away and I have no one but myself to rely on; I need to start all over.

How I wish wish wish for independent wealth so that we could spend our precious time working on what truly matters to us, rather than working to pay the bills. *sigh*

All I can say is bring on the Rescue Remedy, for when the going gets tough. It helps me parent how I want to instead of turning into my mother. ;P

And poopooing your emotional stress in this scenario sounds rather similar to me to the utterly dismissive sentiment that follows postpartum trauma: “Well, dear, all that matters is that you and the baby are healthy.” *screams in frustration*

By: Anji

Anji — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:15:23 +0000

Fredrik has lived here with me since November and has yet to find a job. He has an interview on Wednesday, and I have to admit that part of me is terrified of him getting the job because I’ve spent nine months being spoiled by his presence, his help looking after Orion and the house and, well, me. So I know how you’re feeling, and it’s not ‘nothing’ at all. *hug*

By: Amber

Amber — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 21:22:44 +0000

I had a similar experience when my daughter was in the NICU. She was born only 6 weeks early and healthy, so a lot of people discounted the grief I experienced. After all, so many people have it much worse than I do.

It’s true. Most people in the world do not enjoy my affluence. Many people have children born much earlier and facing much bigger challenges. But that doesn’t mean that I am not allowed to grieve. That you’re not allowed to grieve.

My thoughts are with you that it all goes as smoothly as possible.