biologically appropriate parenting

This term is one of the few terms in this glossary not widely used except by me. It refers to practices of the early years of parenting, especially infancy, that meet the biological expectations of the immature human animal. These are similar to, and largely overlap with, the collection of practices often referred to as “attachment parenting”, but differ in their rationales and philosophical underpinnings.

Biologically appropriate parenting presupposes that humans are animals, and that infants enter the world in a primarily biological state, with hard-wired (although not invariable or immalleable) expectations. These expectations include:

• the constant, close physical presence of familiar older humans (adults or juveniles large enough and old enough to carry the infant)
• immediate access to a human breast and human milk
• being able to hear, feel, and smell familiar adults even in sleep
• having elimination needs and communications responded to and taken care of
• learning adult rhythms (of work and rest, of movement and walking, of day and night, of voice and conversation) through direct experience and observation
• having access to the same whole, nutritious foods the adult human eats when physically ready

These needs — biological expectations — are attempted to be met with biologically appropriate parenting, using practices such as babywearing, breastfeeding, cosleeping, elimination communication, and baby-led solids.

These are not checklists, however, and the term “biologically appropriate parenting” is not meant to be prescriptive, especially in a nuclear, pathologically independent, child-unfriendly, kyriarchal society such as often found in English-speaking cultures. Rather, the term is meant to re-frame the discussion of parenting choices to center around the idea that infants have these biological, hardwired expectations, and how we can best meet them while balancing other needs.

One of the awesome (and I mean that literally) things about humans is how adaptable we are; we can survive and thrive under a wide range of situations, and some technological “mother substitutes” are a blessing in a culture almost completely lacking in allomothers. Completely biologically appropriate parenting, then, is not required for infants to grow healthy and be loved and nurtured. But we must be aware that when we use swings instead of arms, buckets instead of slings, diapers instead of pots, or bottles instead of breasts, we are substituting something in place of what is biologically expected, and if we deviate too far from expectation, or our substitutes are inadequate, babies — and the adults they become — may reflect this.

Biologically appropriate parenting is primarily about infancy and toddlerhood because after these very early years, humans move from exclusively or primarily biological creatures to more societal, intellectual creatures. Our biological needs at that point remain the same for the rest of our lives: to have a variety of nutritious food, to have adequate sleep, to be protected from the elements, to have an appropriate place to eliminate wastes, to exist within a social matrix of other humans, and so on. There are such a wide array of meeting those needs at that point, and they are so widely agreed upon, that a specific term for meeting those needs is unnecessary. It is just parenting; just living. Perhaps one day there will be no need for the term “biologically appropriate parenting” either, as these expectations of infancy would be universally recognized and accepted.