Welcome to the first official entry to the Womanist/Feminist Parenting Primer! Today’s guest post comes from a reader who wishes to be known as “Mama of the Family from the Fringes”.
The Family from the Fringes Mama is a former academic and editor with a degree in political science and women’s studies who now works as a pregnancy, birth and postpartum servant and is training to become a breastfeeding counsellor. She is also a full-time mother to one homeborn, cloth bummed, co-sleeping, babyworn, breastfed, unschooled child who she (and her male partner) are hoping to raise feminist.
To understand the context of this post, which MotFftF places as a PS, it’s important to know that fcuk, and slogans playing on fcuk, come from a clothing company, ostensibly as an acronym for French Connection United Kingdom. A series of shirts with lines such as “fcuk fashion” and “hot as fcuk” were released. In this context, the message on the shirt in question goes from an inexplicably misspelled anti-patriarchalism to a fairly clever subversion of a patriarchal clothing line.
Regardless of whether you think placing almost-swear words on an illiterate child is appropriate, or something you yourself would do, this piece is a welcome start to the Primer as the story of the way one feminist family deals with the fallout of raising a child overtly and explicitly anti-patriarchy.
FCUKing The Patriarchy
When Harri was born she received a t-shirt from one of her Aunts, which was bought for Harriet with her mother and father’s sense of humour and political leanings in mind. It doesn’t get worn out much since a woman in her 60s verbally abused Harriet’s Mama in a room full of people, saying “do you want people to think of fucking when they think of your baby girl? Because that’s what they will think! You shouldn’t be allowed to use your child to promote your political message.”
Mama stumbled across a slogan today that inspired her to put the shirt back on Harri. It said “Children. Have them. Love them. Radicalize them!” Damn straight. Honestly, in a culture where little boys have “chick magnet” and “lock up your daughters” on their tees and little girls are dressed to look like slutty adults, with toddlers able to get g-strings and bikinis in their size, a little fcuking of the patriarchy can only be a good thing!
We understand the objection to pushing political opinions onto our children that are not their own. But ultimately we see little difference between dressing Harriet in a shirt that promotes bringing an end to male dominance and a shirt that promotes breastfeeding; they both espouse positive ideas that are good for the health of all people (they’re just not popular in a capitalist patriarchy).
As Harri grows and forms her own opinions about these issues it will be entirely her choice whether or not she wants to wear clothing with politically motivated messages on them and we have always been honest with her about meanings (from the myth of Santa to the importance of breastfeeding and the problems with patriarchy – which she already experiences first hand as a woman-in-training in this society). For now she seems fine with it:
PS I also love that this shirt is a spoof of the FCUK fashion brand (French Connection United Kingdom) because fashion plays such an important part in upholding patriarchy.
Arwyn
In my bathroom hangs a plaque with a picture of a yin yang and the word BALANCE. I can never get it to hang straight. This probably says something deep and meaningful about my life.
Oh, God, now I'm totally embarrassed that I once used to own a French Connection "fcuk fashion" t-shirt.
Great point about the "don't politicize our children" straw argument — because every time we put them in a piece of clothing with a single logo or word on it, we're politicizing in a way.
Oh I'm so making fun of you for that from now on.
Truthfully, I kinda like the "fcuk fashion" one, though if you bought it new, I'm still teasing you mercilessly.
I think the point is well made that not only do we politicize with logos, but also the very clothing we put on our children, logos/words or no: do we only dress our girl-children in pink pseudo-sexy haltertops and miniskirts? Our boys in only camo and jeans? THAT is a political message, just one that is more accepted in our patriarchal society. We get castigated if we go against those norms, and if we are explicit about it (such as this shirt), we run an even higher risk of it.
But, in the end, it might still be worth it. As MftFftF pointed out, it was only one negative comment surrounded by several positive ones. It's up to each of us to choose how much flak we can take in the name of our beliefs, and I don't think there's any one exactly right answer, only whatever answer works for us on any given day (which may be influenced by how many spoons we have, how much other support, what else we're dealing with at the time, etc.)
I distinctly remember being 6 or 7 and trying to understand what a "lib" was and why it said "women's lib" on my pajamas. Then my parents explained what women's lib was and it was so confusing. Why women would need to be liberated when they were already free didn't make any sense.
Unfortunately, I came to understand well.
I have to say, I'm not exactly sure why bikinis for little girls are an example of patriarchy. As a mother of a potty trained child, it's MUCH easier to get her out of a two piece swim suit than a one piece to use the potty. Not all bikinis, especially for children, seem all that sexualized, either.
Rachel: that's totally the type of story I'd like for the primer.
Anonymous: I think that's a good question, actually: are we sexualizing young girls by dressing them in skimpy clothing, or is it assuming that a "skimpily" dressed young girl is sexual that is the problem?
I must say I have an immediate reaction of rolling my eyes at a bikini for girls where the top half is two triangles and a string: why not just go topless? Above the waist, young girls are physically the same as young boys, and have nothing "extra" to cover there (leaving the question of whether women should have to cover their breasts aside). But I don't think there's inherently anything problematical with two-piece suits for girls in general.