Comments on: On breastfeeding and things we don’t talk about

By: Amber

Amber — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 15:02:04 +0000

OOOH thank you for this “never do anything that makes you not like your children” that’s one of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever heard.

By: Amelia

Amelia — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 15:55:33 +0000

I too have gotten those feelings, but I have never taked about them or heard anyone else admit to it. It’s the exact same feeling I get when doing something really tedious or frustrating (like trying over and over to thread a needle). thanks you for this.

By: At least one of y’all think I’m Most Inspiring « Raising My Boychick

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 09:01:36 +0000

[...] On breastfeeding and things we don't talk about [...]

By: Alisa

Alisa — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 03:38:02 +0000

thank you

By: Lisa Fielding

Lisa Fielding — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 06:46:42 +0000

Not sure how I got here tonight, a series of links and trackbacks that I’d never be able to repeat, but now I’m here I couldn’t read and not comment. I couldn’t think “oh that was me too” and not say so, even though i know i’m well behind the times on this one. My initial reaction was to say “that’s me, that totally and exactly me” but of course it’s not, not exactly, because my nuanced, complicated life is not your nuanced, complicated life. Still there was a whole that resonated with my experience of nursing my two year daughter while pregnant with the second. The hating, but loving, but hating. The sexual arousal that was just awful to experience, even though I know it’s normal and I wasn’t the slighest ashamed it was just plain awful anyway. There were a couple
of early morning, sleepy, nurses that produced an orgasm and that was actually just fine with me, but the daytime, conscious feeds were just miserable.

I don’t have the time or the energy (after a mammoth nighttime feed of daughter #2) to think all this through as much as it deserves, but I wanted to add my voice to
the others and just acknowledge that it happens, it happens just like you said, and also in the myraid of variations evident in the previous comments. I dont know if it’ll happen again with daughter #2, and I don’t know when, or if, my breasts will become fair game for me and husband during sex again. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it’s worth it, in fact that still implies some kind of sacrifice which breastfeeding in no way is for me. I guess my hope is that one day mothers will talk about this as something that (often) happens during weaning, but that it will be accepted as part of the process, just as the last weeks of pregnancy are uncomfortable for just about everyone (and some more than others) but that doesn’t mean we stop getting pregnant.

Anyway thanks again for pressing that submit button, your candidness and great writing is much appreciated.

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 23:36:58 +0000

whoops, child on the keyboard…

and frequently unlatching her when I feel uncomfortable, to kind of test out how much she really needs to nurse. Usually she’ll get annoyed with the unlatching and give up. I think ending nursing over personal boundaries is actually an important lesson to our children. It provides for them a model to set their own personal boundaries. I can’t explain all the physiological intricacies of breastfeeding… but I’ve found that when she really needs milk, there is milk (like when she is sick), and when she just wants comfort or routine, there isn’t much milk and I need to find a replacement activity.

By: Laura

Laura — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 23:32:43 +0000

I don’t have time to read all the comments but I just want to say that I experience the same stuff. Not that much yet, as she is 21 months now, but it gets more frequent and especially during my period. My first weaned around 2 years because latch was really painful for me during my pregnancy at the time, and it feels like my body is on the same timetable with the second even though I’m not pregnant now.

The “uncomfortable” feeling I think is a feeling of being coerced into something physical that you aren’t really into doing. You feel coerced by your child’s needy feelings, by your desire to fulfill the breastfeeding relationship to the fullest, by your own lactivist stance. But your body isn’t in the mood, and instead of feeling nurturing it feels violated. I’m at the stage of cutting long nursing sessions short, no longer nursing in the middle of the night,

By: Emma

Emma — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 21:50:27 +0000

Thank you for this, I could have written this myself. We’re nowhere near weaning and it’s a true labour of love. I don’t really know what else to say except we’ll push through and I can only hope we make it to self weaning. The only thing getting in the way is my distress a couple of times a month, when it gets to be too much.

Again, thank you.

By: Nicky

Nicky — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:15:45 +0000

Firstly, I find your story amazing and think you were very brave to post. Well done. I had 2 very different expereinces of breastfeeding, one was incredibly painful (I can recall the tears just thinking about it) but I persevered. My second experience was very straightforward. Neither was necessarily ‘wonderful’ as some assume! I didn’t get feelings like you describe, perhaps the opposite – of boredom and disattachment, but I still did it, not for me, or my own gratification… but because it was undeniably necessary for my children. I believed it was the best, I know I did the right thing. I thank you for bringing this issue to my attention. Even though breastfeeding was not enjoyable, I am now training to become a breastfeeding counsellor! I love listening to mothers stories, and find lactation so interesting and complex. I sincerely wish you all the best for the future. You have clearly inspired many mums and mums-to-be with your honesty.

By: Nursing and nuance: breastfeeding isn’t creepy, except when it is « Raising My Boychick

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 10:47:55 +0000

[...] On breastfeeding and things we don't talk about [...]