Comments on: …now what does that mean in the real world? http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/ Parenting, privilege, and rethinking the norm Tue, 07 Feb 2012 04:59:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 By: schussel http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-597 schussel Mon, 27 Jul 2009 20:03:16 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-597 Thank you for writing this. It really gave me a new perspective for those times where the anger about "sleep programmes" seems to be too overwhelming. You are right. Thank you for writing this. It really gave me a new perspective for those times where the anger about "sleep programmes" seems to be too overwhelming. You are right.

]]> By: Arwyn http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-546 Arwyn Thu, 16 Jul 2009 18:52:00 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-546 Anonymous: I can think it's sometimes <b>borderline</b> abusive and not want to make it illegal because prosecuting those who do it would do far more harm than good. If/when CIO does cross the line into actually abusive territory (which, if it happens, is thankfully very rare), then it is covered by existing child abuse/neglect laws, at least here in the USA.<br /><br />I'm also not willing to agree to a blanket statement that "Parents who abuse their kids are bad parents." Any amount or type of abuse is bad, full stop. But I think it's too simplistic to say that any amount of abuse makes the <i>parent</i> unequivocally bad. This is part of my overall philosophy that says, in part, that one not need to BE evil in order to DO evil; the world is not made of good and bad people, just people who do good and bad (and grey) things. If that doesn't work for you, well, OK, but it's where I'm coming from.<br /><br />Sara: I'm looking forward to that post. ;) Anonymous: I can think it's sometimes borderline abusive and not want to make it illegal because prosecuting those who do it would do far more harm than good. If/when CIO does cross the line into actually abusive territory (which, if it happens, is thankfully very rare), then it is covered by existing child abuse/neglect laws, at least here in the USA.

I'm also not willing to agree to a blanket statement that "Parents who abuse their kids are bad parents." Any amount or type of abuse is bad, full stop. But I think it's too simplistic to say that any amount of abuse makes the parent unequivocally bad. This is part of my overall philosophy that says, in part, that one not need to BE evil in order to DO evil; the world is not made of good and bad people, just people who do good and bad (and grey) things. If that doesn't work for you, well, OK, but it's where I'm coming from.

Sara: I'm looking forward to that post. ;)

]]> By: Sara http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-543 Sara Thu, 16 Jul 2009 16:40:08 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-543 I see many things, conversations and things that people generally feel very strongly about...akin to discussions on religion. Those people who have found "what works for them" can easily get into the mind set of "this is the ONLY RIGHT WAY" after all...we are a very "black and white" thinking society. (which annoys me to no end...but I'm very guilty of it myself...) and when two people who believe in oppisite ways yet BOTH think/feel "my way is the ONLY RIGHT WAY" well...yea...that's darn right volitile!!<br />Your comment about the agressive activism is along the lines of the post that's stewing in my brain...we'll see if I ever get it out. I see many things, conversations and things that people generally feel very strongly about…akin to discussions on religion. Those people who have found "what works for them" can easily get into the mind set of "this is the ONLY RIGHT WAY" after all…we are a very "black and white" thinking society. (which annoys me to no end…but I'm very guilty of it myself…) and when two people who believe in oppisite ways yet BOTH think/feel "my way is the ONLY RIGHT WAY" well…yea…that's darn right volitile!!
Your comment about the agressive activism is along the lines of the post that's stewing in my brain…we'll see if I ever get it out.

]]> By: Anonymous http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-542 Anonymous Thu, 16 Jul 2009 14:17:29 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-542 I have trouble seeing how stating that CIO is borderline abusive is consistent with saying that you don't think parents who use CIO are bad parents or you think CIO should be illegal. Child abuse is illegal. Parents who abuse their kids are bad parents. If you don't think that CIO should be illegal, then how can you think it's borderline abusive? I have trouble seeing how stating that CIO is borderline abusive is consistent with saying that you don't think parents who use CIO are bad parents or you think CIO should be illegal. Child abuse is illegal. Parents who abuse their kids are bad parents. If you don't think that CIO should be illegal, then how can you think it's borderline abusive?

]]> By: Arwyn http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-539 Arwyn Thu, 16 Jul 2009 07:12:45 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-539 Jenn -- While I've <i>occasionally</i> seen the more aggressive activism style work, more often I see it turn people away. <i>On the other hand</i>, I also am a big fan of using more accurate language, like "formula is inferior", even if it does piss off more people. For me, it's about telling the truth as honestly as I can, without attacking others, but without whitewashing it for palatability.<br /><br />Breeze -- The thing is, I DO get angry, I just don't usually find it useful or kind either to myself or the other person to direct that anger that them. Not that I haven't been known to on occasion...<br /><br />Rachel -- Yes, those are basically my points! ;) And I think your point is key: while we don't want to bludgeon people with This Is THE Right Way, it's also important to be open and honest about who we are and what we believe. We don't have to beat others with it, but we don't have to hide it, either, and deciding to NOT hide it really can influence people -- and thus our whole society! -- for the better.<br /><br />And sure, that's more than a little "we are the world", but I'm ok with that. Jenn — While I've occasionally seen the more aggressive activism style work, more often I see it turn people away. On the other hand, I also am a big fan of using more accurate language, like "formula is inferior", even if it does piss off more people. For me, it's about telling the truth as honestly as I can, without attacking others, but without whitewashing it for palatability.

Breeze — The thing is, I DO get angry, I just don't usually find it useful or kind either to myself or the other person to direct that anger that them. Not that I haven't been known to on occasion…

Rachel — Yes, those are basically my points! ;) And I think your point is key: while we don't want to bludgeon people with This Is THE Right Way, it's also important to be open and honest about who we are and what we believe. We don't have to beat others with it, but we don't have to hide it, either, and deciding to NOT hide it really can influence people — and thus our whole society! — for the better.

And sure, that's more than a little "we are the world", but I'm ok with that.

]]> By: Rambling Rachel http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-538 Rambling Rachel Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:44:40 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-538 Oh, and I was encouraged when she told me that I was the only person she knew that breastfed past a year and that helped her breastfeed her son until two.<br /><br />I realized then that I need to be more open about how I parent and why because I may actually make a positive difference.<br /><br />OK, that was kind "we are the world" but I couldn't help myself. Oh, and I was encouraged when she told me that I was the only person she knew that breastfed past a year and that helped her breastfeed her son until two.

I realized then that I need to be more open about how I parent and why because I may actually make a positive difference.

OK, that was kind "we are the world" but I couldn't help myself.

]]> By: Rambling Rachel http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-537 Rambling Rachel Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:42:57 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-537 I reacted to my friend in the same way you did with your brother. My relationship with her is too important to discuss the issue. I had a hard time talking to her for months because I felt like she criticized my extended breastfeeding. The controversy isn't worth it.<br /><br />Fabulous point about saying something when people are open.<br /><br />I will remember your 2 points: humans are built for survival and damn the insane kyriarchy! (those were your points, right?) I reacted to my friend in the same way you did with your brother. My relationship with her is too important to discuss the issue. I had a hard time talking to her for months because I felt like she criticized my extended breastfeeding. The controversy isn't worth it.

Fabulous point about saying something when people are open.

I will remember your 2 points: humans are built for survival and damn the insane kyriarchy! (those were your points, right?)

]]> By: Breeze http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-533 Breeze Wed, 15 Jul 2009 17:26:43 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-533 aww..yes...exactly. I don't feel the anger I guess, that many do, about these practices. I'm a bit more pragmatic. I know what I believe, I know you believe differently and I know that preaching to you will alienate you as much as you preaching to me alienates me. <br /><br />In the real world..yes...I'm quiet but people know. I let them know how I feel about most things...I converse, I say, I practice however I dont' have time to argue and try to convert someone to my way.<br /><br />Great article<br /><br />Breeze aww..yes…exactly. I don't feel the anger I guess, that many do, about these practices. I'm a bit more pragmatic. I know what I believe, I know you believe differently and I know that preaching to you will alienate you as much as you preaching to me alienates me.

In the real world..yes…I'm quiet but people know. I let them know how I feel about most things…I converse, I say, I practice however I dont' have time to argue and try to convert someone to my way.

Great article

Breeze

]]> By: Jenn http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-532 Jenn Wed, 15 Jul 2009 16:36:59 +0000 http://www.raisingmyboychick.com/2009/07/now-what-does-that-mean-in-the-real-world/#comment-532 yet another post that should be required reading.<br /><br />i think your point about not engaging with people who have already made a decision is a crucial one. i've seen people time and again expend a great deal of energy and frustration on trying to convince folks, with very little positive result. of course, one could also argue that you miss a bunch of "teachable moments" taking the quieter attitude, but i'm such a non-fan of the "i must enlighten you" brand of passionate advocacy that personally i'm willing to take that risk. yet another post that should be required reading.

i think your point about not engaging with people who have already made a decision is a crucial one. i've seen people time and again expend a great deal of energy and frustration on trying to convince folks, with very little positive result. of course, one could also argue that you miss a bunch of "teachable moments" taking the quieter attitude, but i'm such a non-fan of the "i must enlighten you" brand of passionate advocacy that personally i'm willing to take that risk.

]]>