Comments on: A matter of perspective

By: Parenting and safety and judgment, oh my! « Raising My Boychick

Parenting and safety and judgment, oh my! « Raising My Boychick — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 07:55:05 +0000

[...] A matter of perspective [...]

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 04:47:00 +0000

It does so depend on one's mood, which we both can and can't choose (I have a whole post I want to write on that someday, as someone with a mood disorder who has worked hard to get stable), and yes, a lot of the time people are just being judgmental or mean. But one of the *advantages* of living (unnaturally! -- good point Amber) with so many strangers is that since we likely aren't going to see them again, we are free to (mis)interpret them in whatever way pleases us.

The soup incident really did happen to me the other day, and in that moment (after having the first scenario flash through my mind) I realized I didn't need to know or care which way she meant it, I could choose to assume the best, and feel good, or not. Maybe she did mean it meanly -- but it doesn't feel good to think so. Since she's not going to be in my life to (maybe) continue to send barbs, I have no need to put on my armour against her. I can just assume she meant well, smile, and move on.

And if she didn't, what better way to spike her? ;)

By: Amber

Amber — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 03:59:07 +0000

It's really sort of odd to live cheek-to-jowl with so many strangers. I'm not sure we were really meant to. It creates this tension between proximity and boundaries that's very difficult to navigate, and it leads to situations like this one. What does this stranger mean, why is she talking to me, who is she anyway?

There's no good answer of course, but you're right that we can choose how to perceive things. We can decide to cast things in a positive instead of a negative light, for sure.

By: missbehaving

missbehaving — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 22:44:40 +0000

Sometimes the perspective you have just depends on what mood you left the house in. I find when I go out feeling that the world is a hostile , judgemental, critical place I seem to come across people who reinforce that image, and when I go out feeling I live in a wonderful, sharing co-operative society, that becomes my experience.
If only I had power over the mood I leave the house in ;)

By: Renee

Renee — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 20:44:38 +0000

I would like to think that it is just a matter of perspective however more often than not I find most commentary to be all about what you are doing wrong. So often people feel that they have the right to intervene when they don't. Many of the moral lessons I have chosen to impart to my children have been deemed harmful by so many. One example is the idea that I can raise womanist/feminist sons. Heaven forbid boys should be aware of male privilege it could somehow damage their burgeoning masculinity. Yes there is a huge snark and eye roll along with that.

By: Ruth Moss

Ruth Moss — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 04:06:27 +0000

Oh, just you wait Arwyn, I've an entire post on this and more that I've been writing, in my head, for ages now. It'll bring tears to your eyes and make you nod in agreement. Oh yes.

When I write it.

I don't think I can, it's too amazing to sully it with something so base as blogging it ;)

So I'll just say

Good point! I agree! Yes!