I found this when looking through my email drafts folder; I’d typed it up on the iPhone nearly two weeks ago. I’m sure I was interrupted before I could finish, and I really don’t remember where I was going with it, so it just kind of ends with no conclusion, but I thought it was an interesting enough snippet it could stand as-is. Feel free (encouraged!) to comment if you can expand on the thought for me.
Gratitude is good, right? It’s good for you, it helps you be a better person, everyone should keep a gratitude journal, count their blessings, make every day Thanksgiving, etc, etc… Right?
Maybe. Except when it’s not, and that “gratitude” is really gloating, and helps reinforce and blind you to privilege.
Gratitude is saying “I’m glad I’m me”. Gloating is saying “I’m glad I’m not you”.
When stuck in traffic, saying “thank you for this opportunity to practice patience” is gratitude. Saying “well at least I have a car, unlike all those poor shmucks starving children in Africa” is gloating.
“I felt sorry for myself that I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet” is a statement of gloating masquerading as gratitude.
The difference between gratitude and gloating is whether there has to be someone worse off than you in order for you to feel good about yourself. Those of us with privilege rarely escape the pit of gloating: if we are blind to our privilege still, we don’t see what is wrong with our pity; if we have opened our eyes and minds to our privilege, we too often confuse acknowledging that privilege with pitying those “below” us (we are privileged, so they are oppressed, so we must always point out how much worse they have it, right? not so much, no).
Very interesting perspective. I never thought of it quite that way. I guess we have to leave the comparison out of it all. I also find it very rewarding to be grateful for who I am rather than what I have. If you can be grateful for who you are(authentic you, not your standing in society) that feels right as well.
Breeze
Hmm…thought provoking. I was thinking about this for a while and I think I get what you mean. For example, I am grateful for my house because I enjoy it. Not because some people don’t have one, I don’t compare my circumstance to others. I’m just glad I have it because I wanted it and it makes my life more enjoyable.
If I ever do catch myself in the “gloating” perspective, I notice that it is not a good feeling and I try to avoid doing that.
It’s not about what we have versus don’t have that makes us feel gratitude. It’s about appreciating our circumstances, whatever they may be.
Thanks for sharing.
This is an interesting perspective and has given me some food for thought. I’m grateful for your post!