Overheard conversations, or, why more women aren't feminist

Another quickie from the I’m-still-sick-but-getting-better files:

I went to class last night, as I am wont to do on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Due to my chosen profession (massage therapy, for those new or not paying attention), my classes are, shall we say, somewhat skewed in favor of women. To wit, there is one man in each of my classes of 14 and 6 students total.

Anyway, I was talking at break with two of my (female) classmates, and I don’t remember how we got on the topic, but I pulled out an obvious-to-me radfem comment of some sort, which I was pleasantly surprised to have be moderately well accepted. As we were heading back to class, however, the topic continued, and comments were uttered along the lines of “they said we can do it all, but we just can’t”, and “men managed to run business just fine without us before” — not exactly shocking for those who listen to the anti- or non-feminists regularly, though I admit to having that moment of “wha??” since I’m not used to it, but on reflection, fairly revealing.

The gist of both comments was, to me, “In The Good Old Days, at least we only had to do/know/be responsible for ONE sphere, and men did their own. Now because we ‘can have it all’ we have to DO it all.” That’s surely a sentiment I can sympathize with. And these were both women who had gone to college as a matter of course, one new to the state after being un(der)employed for several years, one switching careers after many years in a male-dominated field. Women who have benefited from feminism, but are still getting the short end from the patriarchy; and they are, not without some justification, feeling abandoned or abused by feminism.

I’ve posted before that I think we must bring men in to the domestic sphere (and up its status, which is just two sides of the same coin), in order to acheive anything like real equality. While we simply must continue blaming the patriarchy and pointing out its insidious influence on our lives, we also need to shift our message some, because neither “get the hell out of the house and get a job” nor “anything you choose is feminist because it’s All About Choice ™” is appealing to, nor helpful for, these women. They need to hear that women have always gotten shafted, and that even though we’ve made some advances we know they’re still getting shafted, and here’s what we need to do to get men working their fair share and to build a village where no one gets shafted anymore, and won’t you come join us? Sure, it’s yet more work, but it’s work for a really good cause, and by the way, feel free to bring your beau, your brother, your father, your son, ’cause we have a thing or two they need to hear too…

Until they get that message, I have a feeling they’re going to remain bitter, when they could be our best allies. And I honestly can’t blame them.