Comments on: It’s all about the lunches

By: Arwyn

Arwyn — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 06:48:00 +0000

We are definitely fortunate, but he actually works in a "traditional" 8-5 job. It is his privilege that he's on salary, working for a small-mid-size company (50-100 employees), here in the Pacific Northwest, and having the housing and the transportation (we have and can afford to fuel a car, and pay more to live just 10 minutes away from his work), that allows him to do this. His job description originally called for him to travel up to 25% of the time, and he risked demotion or firing but stood his ground that it was not something he was willing to do; fortunately, he has had all sympathetic managers who have been willing to accommodate him, and he now, unofficially at least, is in a no-travel position. He also works at home and on weekends as needed, and is their most productive employee when he is at work, which I'm sure helps his case!

Jen and Hobo Mama -- yes, The USA is misogynistic and family unfriendly. ;)

Rachel -- it really does seem to be a novel idea! It shouldn't be, but it is. I know it's different for families whose income is dependent on an hourly wage, but even among other salaried workers, we know of no other man who implements his nominal family values this way (it seems to be really different for the two-mother families we know, even when they have the same work-for-pay/child-care split; my guess is it's primarily a culturally-imposed father/mother thing).

Mikhela -- that sounds much more reasonable than the standard in the USA (and Australia too?). Although it makes me wonder what their evenings are like...? (Also, welcome!)

By: Mikhela

Mikhela — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 23:52:00 +0000

I visited my family in Malta and this was the norm – the lunch meal is the main meal of the day and goes for two hours. People (predominantly men) come home, have a big meal, hang out for a while, then go back. Very nice. Here, it takes a lot of planning and sacrifice (of material things, status and opportunities) to parent equally.

By: Hobo Mama

Hobo Mama — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 08:00:00 +0000

I tremendously agree. I need breaks now and again or I go mad — sometimes I feel like I’m failing as the cheerful, peaceful mommy that my sahm friends seem to be, but screw it. My husband and I are lucky (but we, too, planned it this way very intentionally) in that we work from home together so are almost always available to spot each other in the parenting duties. We make very little money and don’t get nearly enough work done as before having a kid, but it was important to both of us to do both things: work and parent. So we figured it out. I agree with Jen, too, that this culture pretends to be family friendly but isn’t really, something I didn’t grasp until starting my own.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 02:31:00 +0000

OMG, your family is practicing Attachment Parenting/co-parenting. Novel idea.

It is rare that a man makes such a sacrifice at work. Back in the agrarian days, his proximity to home wouldn’t have been rare.

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 02:11:00 +0000

Thanks for a great post. I’m in a similar situation where my co-parent works a schedule that is more flexible than the average American’s. I know I benefit from his availability, as does our son.

For a country that touts “family values” we sure don’t do much to allow workers to put family first. In many cases, we punish those people by overlooking them for promotions, pay raises and worse.

By: Breeze

Breeze — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 01:00:00 +0000

You are so fortunate..as is your partner. My dh has been gone a week and will likely be gone another…we’re looking into making a change because we all are starting to hate it…2 weeks at home, alone with the kids with no break is taking it’s toll on me.

good post and oh so very true

Carolyn